Chapter 263 - It's ok to cry

….

When Xiao Lei woke up, the first thing she saw was the fluorescent light on the ceilings, the brightness of which was hurting her eyes. She winced and covered her eyes with the back of her hands. "Too bright…" she murmured. 

"Xiao Lei!" a man's frantic voice sounded from somewhere. 

Xiao Lei could feel her bed dipped on the side, and there was someone in front of her. 

She slowly removed her hands from her eyes, but her sight was still pretty blurry, and she had to blink a couple of times before she could make out who it was in front of her. 

"Han Ye…" she muttered upon seeing Han Ye's worried face that was just mere inches away from hers. Xiao Lei's eyes landed on the crow's feet at the corner of Han Ye's eyes, and she thought amusedly, "He's getting old."

"Are you alright?"

Xiao Lei frowned and gently pushed him back before slowly getting up. 

Han Ye immediately helped her by propping up her pillow so that she could lay more comfortably. 

"Where am I?" she asked while she tried to think about what had happened earlier. He looked at Han Ye and noticed that he had changed out of his mourning clothes and was wearing a white fitting shirt now. 

"You fainted…" Han Ye said softly. He then sat on the side of the bed and asked gently, "Are you feeling better now? You gave all of us quite a scare."

He reached out and gently cupped her face before saying with a concerned expression, "If you don't feel well anyway, you must let me know. Alright?" 

Xiao Lei blinked and nodded slowly. "Where's this?" 

"Hospital," Han Ye said as he pulled his hand back. "The rest were here earlier, but you slept for a long time, so I told them to go back first. They still had a few graves to visit."

She frowned, "Why…" 

Before she could finish her words, she remembered what had happened earlier, which caused her to faint. Her eyes became downcast, and her mood completely changed. 

Han Ye noticed the change in her expression, and he thought for a while before saying, "About Yunjie…"

"What am I supposed to do now, Han Ye?" Xiao Lei sighed and looked up at Han Ye with a pair of sorrowful eyes. "Zhihao had gone through a lot the past few months. This would break him."

Han Ye thought for a moment before asking, "What about you, Xiao Lei?" 

Xiao Lei smiled and looked at him in the eye. She then shook her head and said, "I'm fine…" 

Han Ye thought to himself, "How could you be fine…" 

He still recalled how heartbreaking her sobs and expression were earlier. He had never seen her cry like that before. She was so affected by it that her brain gave out, and she fainted, almost as if the news was too much for her to handle and her brain decided to give her a break. 

Xiao Lei looked down as she murmured, "I have to be fine…"

She gripped the white bedsheets tightly, as she repeated her words, "I have to be fine… I must be fine…" 

It was as if she was trying to convince herself more than anyone else. 

Han Ye looked at her worriedly. He then looked at her hands that were gripping the bedsheets. Her knuckles were badly bruised and torn from how she mistreated them earlier, and it worried him that she might hurt herself again. "Xiao Lei…"

When she looked up at him with a smile, Han Ye could see how hard she was trying her best to smile, and it broke his heart. 

"D-don't worry. I-I'm f-fine," she said with a stutter as she lowered her head again, but her expression was barely reassuring. 

Han Ye stared at her for a few seconds before reaching out to take both her hands. When he did so, Xiao Lei released her grip on the bedsheets and looked at him; this time, tears were falling down her cheeks. 

"It's ok to cry when I'm here with you…" Han Ye said softly. 

Xiao Lei shook her head, and she clenched her jaws, but she could not stop the tears that were rapidly flowing out from the corners of her eyes. "I-I don't want this… I don't want this for Zhihao… He's just a kid…"

She sobbed as she continued, "Th-this is not the life I want for him… He's supposed to grow up with both his parents… Not like this…" 

Han Ye leaned forward and hugged her tightly. When Xiao Lei's body stiffened and she tried to push him away, he whispered, " There's no need to be so strong in front of me. I already know that you're a crybaby… So cry as much as you want, cry as hard as you can, but you can only do so in front of me..."

Upon hearing him, Xiao Lei finally stopped resisting, and the tears just fell like waterfalls. Her body softened against his, and she placed her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly as she cried into his chest.

For the second time today, Han Ye's shirt was drenched with a woman's tears. 

Xiao Lei cried until she could cry no more tears. When she finally stopped, her eyes were so swollen that it could barely be opened. She then lay down on the bed. 

Han Ye helped pull the cover up to her chest before saying, "I know that just one cry is not enough… But if you ever want a shoulder to cry on again, then come to me. I'll never judge you."

Xiao Lei bit her lower lip and nodded. 

"Are you hungry? You had barely eaten anything today," he asked in a kind voice. "I can get you anything you want…" 

"It's fine… I'm not feeling it…" 

Han Ye sighed softly, but he did not press on. Even without her rejecting his food offer, he figured that she must still be in a shock. "Then… just sleep or rest for now," he said before placing his hand over her eyes. "Your eyes must be uncomfortable, right? I'll get something for you later…"

Xiao Lei nodded. When Han Ye pulled his hand back, she opened her eyes, which could only open to slightly more than a slit. "You can go home first." 

"I'll stay here no matter what you say. I'm going out for a while, but I'd be back soon."

Xiao Lei nodded.

"Close your eyes now," Han Ye said with a smile. 

Feeling extremely exhausted, she did not argue with him. Instead, she closed her eyes obediently. To her, everything still felt like it was just a bad dream, and she thought, "Perhaps if I keep sleeping, this bad dream would go away…"