CH 65.1

The Feeling of Liking Someone (1)

The bathroom door was opened and a dark shadow walked out of it. Fang Li’s voice was soft as he said, “Ruan-ge, I was in the shower.”

Ruan Qingmu looked at his figure and squinted his eyes.

After a long time, he finally nodded. “Oh, so you came back?”

“Mm…”

Ruan Qingmu suddenly reached out and grabbed his arm unexpectedly, pulling him into the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

Bai Jing and the boys in the dorm felt slightly baffled. What is going on? Why are they being so mysterious?

The light had already gone out and the bathroom was tiny. It was narrow and dark inside.

Ruan Qingmu leaned against the door and held Fang Li’s arms, his eyes burning bright in the darkness. “The night self-study session had ended long ago and you only returned when the lights were out. What were you doing earlier?”

Fang Li retreated into the corner, not saying anything.

Ruan Qingmu let out a soft sigh. “I don’t mean to pry into your private life. I consider you as a friend, so I wanted to ask you first.”

Fang Li still didn’t say anything.

“Fine. Forget about it, if you really don’t want to tell me.” Ruan Qingmu nodded his head and turned around to open the door. “Go to bed early.”

Fang Li finally spoke from behind with a trembling voice. “Ruan-ge, it’s me.”

Ruan Qingmu turned around. “What do you mean ‘you’?”

Fang Li’s voice was weak. “The person you saw before… was me.”

Ruan Qingmu stared at him, his voice incredibly soft. “What were you doing? You’ve scared people many times in the past at such a late hour.”

Fang Li was silent. Amidst the silence, a quiet sobbing came up. It sounded stifled and sorrowful.

Ruan Qingmu took a deep breath. “I will wait for you at the head of the stairs after the teacher finishes inspecting the dorms. If you don’t come in ten minutes, I’ll go straight to bed.”

***

The boy’s dormitory check usually would be done within half an hour after the lights went out. The male teacher on duty shone his flashlight at each room and yawned after checking the last room, returning to the shift office on the first floor.

Ruan Qingmu slept inside Li Zhiyong’s dorm. After a while, he got up from bed.

When he stealthily walked to the corner of the stairs, a shadow was already sitting there waiting for him on the stairs.

The green emergency light on the corner faintly lit up, making the corner of the fourth and fifth floors slightly eerie. Fang Li’s slim figure sat there, half of his face reflecting the silvery moonlight and the other half reflecting the green light of the emergency lighting.

Ruan Qingmu walked over in his slippers and unhurriedly sat right next to him.

The floor was slightly cold and he let out a sigh. “I have to say, you really know how to choose a spot to sit in. Your face is half white and half green right now. If I hadn’t known it was you earlier, I would have been scared senseless.”

Fang Li lowered his face, not saying anything.

“Did you do it on purpose? Dancing inside the pitch-black dance room, and even wearing…” Ruan Qingmu scratched his head and swallowed the words ‘woman’s clothes.’ “So scary, ah.”

No wonder the boys said a ghost was in the cultural and sports building. With Fang Li secretly dancing in there and fleeing upon seeing people, who wouldn’t be scared upon coming upon that scene?

Fang Li finally said softly, “Ruan-ge… Tell me the truth. Am I so disgusting?”

He lowered his head. His slender neck seemed almost broken. “Ruan-ge, you’re a good person. Even if you dislike something, you won’t honestly say it out loud. But I… feel so uncomfortable.”

Ruan Qingmu sneered. “Fang Li, listen well to me. People are disgusting only because they harm people or have a bad heart.”

His voice was calm and haughty. “As for how that person deviates or is a maverick, what does this have to do with anyone else?”

Fang Li shook his head, his voice choked with sobs. “But I’m not a maverick, ah… I really, really want to be the same as everyone else.”

Ruan Qingmu sighed. “None of that matters. Even if you’re different from everyone, it also doesn’t matter.”

He pondered and considered with great effort on the following words. “Do you only like to wear girl’s clothes, or… do you think of yourself as a girl?”

Over the past few days, he and Qin Yuan had also searched online for relevant knowledge on Fang Li’s matter, but they still felt slightly like a mountain shrouded in clouds and mists*.

*T/N: Mountain shrouded in clouds and mists: metaphors for something inexhaustible and confusing.

Gender perception disorder and transvestism are different concepts, right?

As Fang Li was silent and didn’t say anything, Ruan Qingmu felt regretful and hurriedly waved his hand. “Forget it. Forget it. Please take it as I never asked. In short, you’re my friend no matter what.”

Fang Li was motionless in the night. After a long time, his shoulders slightly shook.

Ruan Qingmu looked down in doubt. Sure enough, Fang Li was weeping under the faint moonlight.

“Ruan-ge, I… I also don’t know.” He whispered, “When I’m like that, I will feel extremely happy. Especially when I’m dancing.”

He raised his hand in a sorry state and wiped his face. “When I was little… I never attended kindergarten. My mom was a taizhu in the song and dance troupe in folk dance. She had always gotten the A roles and became sick later after the matter with my dad happened.”

Ruan Qingmu quietly listened to his story.

“It’s not a physical illness, but a mental one.” Fang Li whispered, “I didn’t know what my dad looked like, only knowing he and my mom were former partners on the stage. Everyone said they were a match made in heaven and were very well-matched. But when my mom was pregnant with me, he cheated with another female performer and was caught red-handed by my mom. My mom had a fierce temper and directly divorced him.”

Ruan Qingmu nodded his head. “Oh, a scumbag.”