CH 65.2

The Feeling of Liking Someone (2)

“My mother lost her figure when she gave birth to me and with my father’s matter which shocked her, she abandoned her career for a short while. But when she wanted to pull herself up again, her A role had been taken by that female performer, who stole my father… From then on, she was a nervous wreck.”

Ruan Qingmu frowned and suddenly thought of the time when he was talking on the phone with Fang Li and heard a woman’s mad scream.

“How bad is her mental state?”

Fang Li’s voice was slightly desperate. “A mix of mania and depression. It’s a type of mental disorder. She would be slightly better after drinking her medicine but is always frightening when her illness flares up.”

Ruan Qingmu hesitated. “Are you continuing to live with her like this?”

Fang Li silently cried. “Mm. She could usually take care of herself and is quite normal most of the time. It’s not so serious that she has to be admitted to the hospital.”

Traditional dance troupes were already poorly paid for and more young dancers went out to find work because they couldn’t make money from proper performances. His divorced father was ashamed to meet him and also quitted from the troupe after several years, migrating to Bei Jing’s dance troupe.

Only her mom was stubborn and didn’t want to go anywhere, her heart still full of the past glory.

Even his neighbors would sneer in ridicule while saying, “Do you still think you’re in the past? That you’re the A role in a play and everyone in the troupe will flatter you splendidly?”

Fang Li was in a daze for a moment before finally saying, “Those few years when I was little, she would determinedly go to the stage to train because she couldn’t accept not being able to go on stage and didn’t send me to kindergarten. I was locked in the house alone without toys and companions and could only find my mom’s makeup to play with. There was also my mom’s multi-colored stage costume in her wardrobe…”

On the walls were pictures of his mother in all her past glory on the stage and the house was cold, with just those things to keep him company.

His mother smiled gently in the pictures and danced super beautifully, nothing like her usual hysterical self.

So, dancing could make people beautiful and gentle, right?

When her mom returned home in exhaustion and saw him in makeup while dancing clumsily, she not only didn’t get angry because he used her makeup and dirtied her pretty stage costumes, but she would also hug him and smilingly kiss him.

He used all his strength and finally got those dances down to a decent level.

And a hug and a kiss were the only few rare moments of affection he would ever get from his mother.

Ruan Qingmu softly cursed, “Fuck!”

He didn’t have a father and was only left with a mother. But when his mother brought up his departed father, she would have a smile on her face. And she even treated her only son as if he were a darling.

What kind of living hell was Fang Li living in?

“Did you especially learn to dance later?” he asked, suddenly thinking of Fang Li’s endurance and power performance in the sports competition.

Fang Li shook his head in shock. “No… but my mom has many dance video recordings. She saw that I like to dance and happily put on her video recording for me to see. When she saw how fascinated I was by watching her perform, she would become happier. Sometimes, she would even personally go to the kitchen and cook delicious food for me.”

The fire in Ruan Qingmu’s heart burned up a little more. He felt so irritable that he wanted to punch something fiercely. Such a rubbish mother! Shouldn’t a mother be like Mu Wanli, who always made delicious food for her children no matter what?

“Later, she would bring me to the troupe’s training room when I was a bit older. She would practice her dance move and I would play by myself.” Fang Li softly said, “After watching a lot, I would naturally be able to learn a lot of the dances.”

Moreover, she would coach him when she was sometimes in a steady mood.

He never had a friend and never attended kindergarten.

Ah… It wasn’t that he completely never went. It seemed that he had been sent there once before for a short period of time. But his mom would often forget the time when she practiced in the training room, even forgetting to pick him up and take him back home.

Afterward, the kindergarten teacher who couldn’t get off work was unhappy and he was forced to go back home. Thus, all the time of his childhood was spent in the troupe’s training room following his mom around.

All he learnt was naturally a woman’s dance posture.

Fang Li’s voice was incredibly soft at this late hour of the night. After a long time, the sobs slowly stopped.

“Ruan-ge… Initially, I didn’t know I was being very weird like this.” He raised his head and looked out the small window by the stairs as if it was the same window he had looked out of when he was being locked up in the home in his childhood. “The first time I walked into the school gate when I first started elementary school, some boys would ask whether I was a boy or girl. When I entered the boy’s bathroom, some troublemaker boys would run over to pull my pants down.”

“I was terrified and started to change… but I would involuntarily reveal glimpses of myself.” Fang Li’s face was deathly pale like a paper in the night. “But the more I changed it, the more I became like that.”

Endless shame oppressed him. “Only when I wear women’s clothes, wear women’s makeup, and dance can I forget those unhappy things.”

Ruan Qingmu nodded. “So, this is your way to relieve stress.”

Fang Li whispered, “Mm… I would want to sneak and dance alone whenever I’m unhappy. After dancing, I seem to be feeling a lot happier.”