Chapter 243 - Dear Fengmian

The cemetery was a tranquil place, it was a place where everyone was silent, and there was a certain heaviness in their steps.

An oppressive atmosphere was present in the air. At the time they arrived at the graveyard, a funeral was being held; out of respect, both Han Qingshan and Jiang Yingyue kept a certain distance.

During the past years, Jiang Yingyue had done everything in her power to stay away from funerals because of the memories that it brought her.

But now, looking at the funeral entourage, she was still sad and in a slightly heavy mood, but she was not as devastated as she had expected.

They quickly bypassed the group of people, before Jiang Yingyue walked towards the grave. She knew exactly where Jiang Fengmian was buried, even though she had not been there more than once, the memory was etched into her mind.

Jiang Yingyue walked down the small trails of the cemetery with a strange familiarity. This was like walking down the memory lane, she remembered vividly how the last time was, she was reminded of all the feelings she had back then, and while she was no longer as devastated, she was still feeling strange.

Han Qingshan could feel her strange mood, and he squeezed her hand in his to give her strength.

Feeling the strange emotions, Jiang Yingyue was dragged back to the current time by the warmth of Han Qingshan's hand.

Her eyes were misty, but no tears fell from them. She was eager to see Jiang Fengmian's grave and to get some closure. It had been a long time since she had last felt this conflicted.

The walk to the grave was not long, but during that time, a lot of thoughts had appeared in her mind.

The grave was not as worn down as she would have expected. Things were just as her mother had said; although they had left for such a long time, the other residents of the village had taken care of the grave for them.

Jiang Yingyue felt so grateful that she could not express herself with words. Even in this small village, Jiang Fengmian was never forgotten.

Even Han Qingshan felt emotional upon seeing how well maintained the grave was; it was no wonder that the tears that had been swirling within Jiang Yingyue's eyes suddenly started falling.

She placed the flowers on the grave before she looked at it with sadness, but there was also a bit of relief.

She could not imagine how guilty she would have felt if she had appeared here, and the grave would have been worn down and broken.

Placing the orchids on the grave, she had so many words she wanted to say, but she did not know where to start.

Han Qingshan could see that she was going to stay for some time, and he gently rubbed her head before he left her to be alone for some time.

"Fengmian... I am sorry." Jiang Yingyue's words were choked; she was having a hard time continuing.

"I owe you so much, but I was selfish. I tried to live your life, but all I did was cause suffering to our parents. They followed every whim and request I had, but they lived hard lives for so long.

"It has been nine years, and I was captured by the sadness. I was unable to escape, but now I met Qingshan.

"Qingshan helped me realize that I am not you, I am Yingyue, I have my own life which I need to live, and I can never be you.

"But it was not that bad. I now know that remembering you is the best thing I can do for you.

"Never forgetting you is the best I can do, to live my life to the fullest, and maybe, one day, have my own family.

"When I have children, I will tell them about their uncle. I will let them understand that Jiang Fengmian might have had a rough life, but he was the best role model that one could wish for. Even when life was hard, he never got depressed.

"Even before you died, you were still happy in that morning. You might have been weak physically, but mentally you were the strongest person I have ever encountered.

"I owe many things to you, but now I am ready to give them back to you. I am also here to thank you.

"Thank you so much for all the happiness you brought me when I was a child. Thank you for everything you ever did for me. And thank you for being born. Although your life was short, it meant the world to me.

"You were my light in the darkness, my hope. Your light will never fade, but I found the will to move on.

"Qingshan is here now; he is by my side. Although it is different, I hope that my happiness will also bring you happiness where you are now.

"I will do my utmost to fight for my happiness now, I will be a good person, and I will make you proud.

"No longer will I hide behind your shadow. When we were children, I was always the one who protected you, but over the past ten years, I slowly forgot my real personality.

"Now, I will be myself. And I beg of you, Fengmian, please, please, please, forgive me for being selfish for all these years.

"And please forgive me for being selfish now. I want to move on. I want to become a woman who has a family. I want to become myself."

Jiang Yingyue's voice was choked with tears, her cheeks soaking wet.

However, the more she spoke, the more relieved she felt.. All her guilt slowly vanished.