Chapter 181 - Thoughts

4 February, Flight from City T to City K

Sitting next to Matthew on the flight, Lexi drifted to thoughts of the conversation she had with Anna. She was shocked at being asked to be one of her son's godparents, but she quickly answered that she would.

Despite how uncomfortable the conversation was with Anna; she knew that her heart was in the right place. During their various telephone discussions, and even that conversation today she knew how much the past had hurt Anna, but she had taken a risk.

Was Anna right, she should not let past hurts impact her future? Was it worth the risk, not only for herself but Dominic to find out what could have been but for the actions of her parents when she fell pregnant with Dominic? Could a happy future be achieved?

Her biggest problem was Richard. His abuse, manipulations and need for total control during the horror of their short marriage was bad enough. That made her wary about any marriage. Let alone what he had done in his will. He gave total control over the shares in Jax Corp her parents gave him on their marriage to his parents along with the request that his parents have custody and control of Dominic, not her. Now his parents were seeking to exploit that control.

In the past, she had to play to the courts that she was suffering from the impacts of Richard's death along with being Dominic's mother, his sole remaining parent, to ensure that she kept control of Dominic. The one fact Richard had ensured remained hidden, which was part of the deal he made with her parents, was the truth of Dominic's parentage. He knew he was not Dominic's father, but she was reasonably sure his parents did not the truth.

Richard importantly ensured his need for total control over Lexi, continued until Dominic turned 18. Hence the mess that her life was. That, as she recalled was added to by what was in the letter her parents provided her after Richard's death. They made it clear they backed Richard's decisions as he had saved her from being an unwed mother.

Could she open herself up to all that hurt again?

Turning to look at Matthew, Lexi realised Anna, when she called that she was conflicted yesterday and today about her feelings was right. She still hated him for trapping her in this relationship and creating all the difficulties she currently had. But at the same time, it gave her an opportunity to think about what might have been had she been able to speak the truth when she found out she was pregnant with Dominic. Would she and Matthew have married? But then, would she have been able to follow her dream and become a designer along with developing the business she had? Would Matthew have pursued the career path that he had within the military?

Seeing Matthew slightly turn his head to look at her, Lexi turned away. The quick connection of their eyes before she had turned, immediately thrust Lexi back to think about what had happened on Saturday night. Yes, anger had driven them to the point where they lost control but thinking about the hesitant actions when they were teenagers, it was a completely different expression of feelings. Yes, there was hate and anger, but there was the sweetness still there from their teenage activities. Something that was never there with Richard. The few times he decided to take his hatred of their marriage out on her s*xually it was horrific.

But could that sweetness, mean that despite everything feelings still lingered. Their relationship had a chance? Was that chance worth the heartbreak that Lexi was worried about? Could she risk Dominic, even with his real father?

Matthew, however sitting beside his wife could sense that she was conflicted about something. Did she regret what happened Saturday? Yes, anger had taken them to there, but it was as amazing as he remembered. He just hoped it did not spell the end for any chance for their marriage.

Taking her hand in him, while he felt her tense up Lexi did not pull away immediately, giving Matthew hope. Rather than dwelling on certain things Matthew quietly said "Lexi, I have some news …"

"Stop there Matthew. Anna asked me to be godmother to Jang and I told her yes. You will not stop me going to that Christening."

"Lexi, no need to be snappy. I did not know, and subject to a security check absolutely you will be allowed to go. But that is not what I wanted to talk about."

"Well you know my feelings about Saturday," snapped Lexi.

That response made Matthew's heart sink a little, but he stilled himself not to react as that is what Lexi was counting on. Matthew said, "Stop trying to put words in my mouth Lexi, and let me say what I have to say." Seeing that Lexi was quiet he continued "The security screenings have come back, at least on Richard's parents and all the civilian lawyers. The checks are still ongoing on the staff employed by Richard's parents."

"So, they will be able to know the truth?"

"The lawyers will, their security screening came back fine. But Richard's parents are another story. What do you know about his mother's family?"

"Not much. All I remember her saying is that they were bad news and that she refuses to have anything to do with them."

"Partially true. Her family certainly are bad news. The criminal activity is significant, but she is regularly in contact with them. John is getting me more information, but among their activities includes gun running, drug trafficking, and extortion to name a few. That provides a basis for her security clearance to be denied."

"You know they will not take that easily."

"So, she will have to deal with it." Looking at Lexi, Matthew said "But that is not the only thing. I had not checked Dominic's date of birth. He was born less than nine months after we were together last before his birth. Are you certain he is your late husband's child, not mine?"

Pulling her hand out of Matthew's hand, Lexi said "Do not ask me to answer that question Matthew. I cannot."

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