CH 9

Chapter 9: New Year’s Eve

Time is like sand in the hollow of your palm. Whether you spread it out or grasp it tightly, it will eventually slip away, bit by bit, until there is nothing left.

It had already been a week since Ruan Zhizhi returned from her trip to Yunnan. Her days were as serene as before, without a single ripple. Her memories pertaining to that trip gradually began to blur except for the image of that man’s back hidden in the setting sun.

All along he had been proud and aloof, keeping silent. He quietly walked through the vast world alone.

The case she had been researching on the murder of the wealthy businessman’s wife was also coming to an end. She stayed up all night to revise some gaps and typos in the report before going to the company first thing in the morning to hand it over to her boss.

As for the outcome of whether or not her internship period had safely passed, for someone like Ruan Zhizhi, who had been a first-class student since childhood, there was no need to worry at all.

After submitting the news report, Ruan Zhizhi suddenly had more leisure time. When returning to her empty home, she unexpectedly couldn’t adapt to it for a second.

She wanted to find something to do. Thus, she walked to her study and began to tidy up her desk. It had been in a complete disarray during this period, and now she wanted to flip through some materials. After sorting out all of the printed resources one by one, the last thing that caught her eye was an old photograph splayed randomly on the desk. The boy in the picture was still pale as before, with a faint hint of blue under his tired eyes. His back was straight, and his figure was helpless and meagre. 

Ruan Zhizhi sighed and solemnly placed the photograph in a book.

It was unknown how that child was doing now. Had he worked hard to win success and recognition, or had he completely fallen apart, abandoning himself to despair?

At home, she was overcome with boredom as she finished watching Captain America 1 and 2. The colour of the sky had darkened little by little, until it was thoroughly pitch-black outside the window. Ruan Zhizhi yawned. She was just about to remove her makeup, change her clothes, and wash up for bed, but a sudden call from Gu Nian cleared her mind instantly.

An hour later, the two met at the entrance of a crowded barbecue stall in the buzzing centre of City A.

Gu Nian was wearing a pair of 10cm heels, and her makeup was delicate and dazzling. Yet the rims of her eyes were a little red as if she had been crying.

Ruan Zhizhi was well aware that she must have quarrelled with Cheng Fengjin again. 

After ordering heaps of barbecue and a dozen beers, Gu Nian waved her hand, arrogantly rejecting Ruan Zhizhi’s request to pay the bill and paid for it instead.

Lamb skewers, meat tenderloin, enoki mushrooms rolled in beef, grilled eggplants, grilled leeks…and a generous serving of grilled fish.

Ruan Zhizhi stared at the table full of barbecue and was totally speechless: “Gu Nian, are you a pig? Or do you think I’m the pig?”

The other party didn’t care at all. She reached out and seized a bunch of tenderloin skewers and stuffed them in her mouth. While chewing, she said aggrievedly, “My dear, just accompany me while I eat all this, I’m a person who is about to lose my love.”

Ruan Zhizhi sighed and filled a glass of beer for her in a timely manner. “Lose what love ah, didn’t you two even set the wedding date?”

“You don’t know how excessive Cheng Fengjin is. A few days ago, he told me that he had to work overtime at the company. I wanted to be understanding of him so I didn’t ask more. But when I went out to dinner with my colleagues that night, guess what? In that same restaurant, he and a woman I didn’t know were also having a meal. The two were chatting and laughing, and he even attentively helped pour tea and water for her.” Gu Nian’s voice was usually sweet, but now it was full of grievances. It really depicted Cheng Fengjin’s image as someone wicked beyond redemption. 

However, Ruan Zhizhi was not at all moved. “Maybe the two of them are ordinary colleagues, and they just happened to finish work so they went for a meal together? Cheng Fengjin is a man with a higher education, it’s definitely impossible for him to let a girl do such a thing as serving tea and pouring water, right? If you ask me, you’re thinking too much.”

Gu Nian raised her head and took a large sip of beer. She pursed her lips and was just about to refute, but after considering it again, she also felt that the other party’s words seemed very reasonable. She didn’t know how to rebut it at all, so she could only reply with a guilty conscience: “Well, well at that time I was too angry. After I went home, he said that I was making trouble without reason, and that I loved to get angry. How could I possibly endure that?” As she spoke, the corners of her mouth tilted downwards, as if she was about to burst into tears any second. “Tonight is New Year’s Eve. Originally, we planned to go to the best revolving restaurant in City A for dinner, but now all my hopes are dashed.”

Ruan Zhizhi looked at the aggrieved appearance of her little married woman and couldn’t help laughing: “Is it only you that feels like your hopes are dashed? You ran away from home by yourself. I think it won’t even last for half an hour. Cheng Fengjin is going to call me and ask for you.” After saying so, she added teasingly, “Miss Gu Nian, tell me, should I hand you over? Or should I hand you over?”

Before she finished speaking, her cell phone rang. Ruan Zhizhi took her cell phone out from the pocket of her down jacket and glanced at the caller ID. It came as no surprise. She answered the call.

Gu Nian, who was sitting across from her and scarfing down food, saw that Cheng Fengjin really had called. Just a moment ago she’d still been angry, but now she resembled a soft kitten. Just like that, she was obedient. 

“Alright, he’s coming to pick you up in a bit. You two can spend your New Year’s Eve sweetly, this lightbulb should go home early and rest.” After ending the call, Ruan Zhizhi looked like she had accomplished a meritorious deed and was now retiring.

Gu Nian watched her. She opened her mouth as if there was something she wanted to say, but was hesitant. After a long time, she finally made a firm resolution and said, “Zhizhi, it’s already been three years, you…still haven’t let go?”

Ruan Zhizhi, who was in the middle of pouring beer, was startled. But this only lasted for a second. Very soon, she returned to her senses and replied indifferently, “How can you just let go of things like feelings.” She swallowed the alcohol in her throat, her eyes gazing towards a boundless distance. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about it lately. All that remains towards Li Sichen…in the end, is it love? Or is it reluctance?”

Gu Nian’s line of sight shifted towards Ruan Zhizhi’s beautiful, unfocused eyes. After struggling for a long time, she still spoke. “Zhizhi, did you know that Li Sichen is coming back to City A right away to work? Downtown, in the Chenhui Building. If…if you still like him, how about—”

She was only halfway through her sentence when she was interrupted by an ear-piercing car horn in the distance. 

The person that got out of the car was, unsurprisingly, Cheng Fengjin. His appearance was always strict and self-disciplined, but at that moment, the hair on his forehead was disheveled and he seemed to be in a hurry.

Ruan Zhizhi let out a smile and took a sip of beer from her glass. She waved her hand to Gu Nian and said, “He’s here, go with him. As for my affairs…rest assured, I know how to settle it best.”

Forgetting that person and never associating with him—for her, this was best. Although it was still impossible right now, time would sooner or later wipe away the last of her pathetic sentimentality for him. And sooner or later, his shadow would be wiped out completely from her life.

After exchanging pleasantries with the two and repeatedly declining Cheng Fengjin’s offer to send her home, Ruan Zhizhi waved goodbye to the couple, turned around, and walked through the bustling streets of the city centre alone.

Her capacity for liquor was quite poor. Even though she’d only had one glass of beer that was low in alcohol content, she felt a little lightheaded at this moment. A gust of cold, evening wind blew by, allowing her warm cheeks to sober her up a little.

Today was December 31st. Once today passed, a new year would arrive. Ruan Zhizhi’s mother worked outside all year round, so it was impossible for her mother to remember this insignificant day. And Ruan Zhizhi didn’t have many friends by her side except for Gu Nian. The number of friends she could spend the New Year with were even fewer.

In fact, it was a little lonely.

The neon lights twinkled and blurred, and all the people coming and going on the street were in pairs. They had happy smiles brimming on their faces apart from her.

There were faint snowflakes circling and fluttering in the air. Ruan Zhizhi reached out to catch them, quietly watching the snowflakes melt and fade in her palm.

In the end, who was naturally cold.

She walked an entire block alone. Although Ruan Zhizhi was independent, seeing the streets packed with lovers happily holding hands and embracing each other made her want to run away that very moment.

She sighed and planned to flag a taxi at the next intersection to go home.

The temperature was extremely low and the wind was bone-chilling. Although the light reflected by the street lamps was faint, it was still very warm. It vaguely let people feel no matter how low they were, all could be redeemed in this kind of warmth. Ruan Zhizhi quickly reached the intersection. She stepped out spontaneously, found a suitable place, and was about to wave down a taxi. But in the next second, she was caught off guard. In this wintry twelfth lunar month, she saw Shi Yan.

He was also alone. At the moment, he was standing under the dim yellow light of a streetlamp on the side of the road. His outline was proud and aloof, his expression indifferent. There was a cluster of flames at his pale fingertips that seemed to leap and flare. It enveloped his entire body in a hazy, ash-blue smoke. This situation and this scene set him off to be even more outstanding, as unfathomable as an illusion.

Right. Contrary to expectation, Ruan Zhizhi described this encounter as unfathomable.

It was clear that Shi Yan also saw her. Because his unwavering, heavy eyes were looking right at her. There was a little haziness in his gaze, as well as a little softness, but there was no surprise.

The alcohol had eroded her brain. Ruan Zhizhi looked at him dizzily. She didn’t understand why he wasn’t surprised to see her.

Her act of waving down a taxi unconsciously stopped. She watched Shi Yan extinguish the cigarette between his fingertips. He carelessly tossed it to the garbage on the side, and then…actually walked towards her.

One step, two steps, three steps, all the way until he was in front of her.

The sense of oppression coming from this man engulfed her again after a long time. Ruan Zhizhi tried her best to sober up. The corners of her mouth curved, and she opened her mouth to exchange greetings a little rigidly, “Shi Yan, long time no see.”

Shi Yan lowered his eyes, his pupils eclipsing slightly: “Yes, it’s been a long time.”

Time seemed to freeze at that moment. All the streetlamps on the side of the pedestrian streets faded away, leaving only the man in front of her whose expression was so apathetic it was almost gloomy. 

It was just like fate, this encounter.

Ruan Zhizhi looked left and right and all around. Many people on the street cast glances of tacit understanding at them. Even though their real situation did not reflect how it appeared, at least Ruan Zhizhi didn’t have to be alone anymore. Now it looked like she was in a pair like everyone else—at least on the surface. Still, she was a little happy in her heart.

Glancing at Shi Yan, she continued with the pleasantries: “How have you been lately?”

Who knew that Shi Yan wouldn’t take up the topic she had thrown at all. Instead, he walked over to be at her side and said very naturally, “I still remember that before, you said that if we saw each other again, you would invite me for a meal. Setting a date does not beat seizing an opportunity like now. You decide what we’re eating.”

Ruan Zhizhi: “……”

Fifteen minutes later, the two were sitting side-by-side in a 24-hour convenience store. Before their eyes were two shabby boxes of oden and two cups of steaming hot milk tea. If they lifted their heads, they had a panoramic view of the pedestrians coming and going outside the huge floor-to-ceiling windows.

Ruan Zhizhi was a little embarrassed, and said with a clear cough: “Wait for the next time. Next time when all the restaurants aren’t closed, I’ll invite you again to a big meal.”

As soon as her voice fell, she immediately realized that she had said the wrong thing. Next time…for her and him, would there still be a next time? Even if they lived in the same city, for people like them who had no connection at all, it wasn’t very likely for them to meet.

In the cold winter of the twelfth lunar month, the two of them sat in front of the glass window, shoulder-to-shoulder in the narrow space of the convenient store. Together, they enjoyed the fragrance of boxed oden, and the awkward mood from before gradually eased itself.

At this moment, her tipsiness had already cooled off. Ruan Zhizhi couldn’t help thinking, if it wasn’t for the fact that she’d had a little to drink, perhaps she wouldn’t have brought him to a convenience store to eat so candidly.

Holding the warm cup of milk tea and taking a sip, she tentatively began to find a topic: “Shi Yan, why are you strolling outside by yourself? Why aren’t you together with your family?”

Shi Yan ate gracefully. Without evading her eyes, he said in an understated manner, “My parents have already gone.”

In an instant, Ruan Zhizhi was stunned. Her mind went blank; her thoughts were unable to operate properly. The word “gone” had many meanings, but almost none of them were good. Embarrassed, she shut her mouth. As expected, she couldn’t find a subject to talk about with him.

As if able to perceive her regret, Shi Yan smiled slightly. He tilted his head to look at her. His drooping eyes resembled a burning fire, ardent and concentrated. “But having you here is enough.”

“…What did you say?” She didn’t have to think about it to know that she must have misheard. Ruan Zhizhi chewed her oden after asking vaguely.

Shi Yan shook his head as if accepting her thoughts. The fire in his eyes slowly extinguished, retreating to a place that was uninhabited.

As the two engaged in idle conversation, the hour hand slowly reached midnight.

They only heard a “peng”, then in the next second, a tremendous explosion sounded in the distance. Countless fireworks erupted in the night sky, a scene of bursting lights and overwhelming colours. It was like a wave of meteor showers descending upon them, and in an instant, the entire night sky was ignited.

It was midnight. The new year had arrived on time.

This was the fourth year already. Ruan Zhizhi raised her head and looked through the glass window of the convenient store, gazing up at the night sky. In her heart, she silently thought: This year, she must forget Li Sichen.

Even the employees from the convenience store laughed and went out to watch the fireworks. Only the two of them remained indoors, sitting side by side, each harbouring their own secret.

Turning his head to look at Ruan Zhizhi, whose eyes were focused on the fireworks covering the sky, Shi Yan finally withdrew the vague sense of alienation and exhaustion entangled around him. The mist pervading his eyes gradually dissipated, leaving only pure white. Secretive, deeply affectionate, unspeakable.

In his heart, he held back a thousand crazy thoughts of reaching out to stroke the ends of her hair. He was silent for a long time. At last, in a low voice with extreme restraint, he very cautiously whispered in her ear, “Happy New Year, Zhizhi.”