Chapter 149 - Between Denial And Acceptance (1)

| Innaya |

Have you ever met the feeling of loneliness? Often, no? We, humans, tend to drown in the ocean of loneliness every now and then. While I would not say, that I had been lonely all my life but certainly, for a significant period... I was. Those were not just the darkest nights of my life, but also the darkest days.

Life is weird. After forcing me to feel that there was nothing good enough about living the way I was leading my life, it brought Eshan to me. I had forgotten what it meant to be lonely in his love.

I always struggled to speak up and open up even if I was suffering the worst. I guess I had been so used to bearing the pain that I stopped looking for the cure and ways to get myself better altogether. At times, I would have horrible period cramps. The kind of the ones that would not let you sleep. Despite the medication available to soothe the pain, I had always kept myself away from them.

Eshan, though, never verbally asked me about them, I was sure knew what was happening. Now, that my hemoglobin had dropped so low, Eshan was talking to me about everything. My concerned husband had refused to sit in peace until I get rid of every pain that I had been suffering all along.

Two days had gone by after that uneventful day. After I cried to sleep in his safe embrace two days ago, he had been watching over me like a mother hen. He also knew the week was going to be an emotionally tiring one. No matter how much we tried to make ourselves strong, the approaching twenty-fifth was not going to be easy for either one of us.

In those two days, Eshan practically looked after me as if I was some kind of precious gem. His concern had gotten me to feel conscious of my actions. His home remedies to cure my pain and reduce my flow made me speechless. Besides, I was literally banned from the kitchen as my dear husband took the matters in his hand.

He pushed back his office work. His whole days revolved around me alone. From cutting fruits for me to feeding them, he wanted to do everything.

He had scheduled an appointment with a gynecologist for today. My every attempt of denial and assurance to him that it was nothing serious had gone in vain. He wasn't even listening to me, forget about even considering that there was nothing seriously wrong with me. At the slightest bit of discomfort on my face, he would start worrying endlessly.

I did not know how to deal with him. Was there something else to it? Had Dr. Mittal said something?

"Be careful."

Eshan's loud voice fell in my ears when I stood up from the bed, and immediately fell back as I felt a sudden, sharp pain in the left half of my head. I had a momentary blackout and almost everything disappeared to my eyes. It happened so quickly that I did not even have enough time to register when my head felt spinning and I lost control over my senses.

He held my fragile self in his hold before he carefully made me straighten on the bed. His large palms scooped my cheeks as his concern grew by infinite folds

Fortunately, I hadn't lost consciousness. It was just a temporary thing that came and went but my head... my head still hurt and it hurt terribly.

I placed my hands on him, assuring him that I was okay, but I could see, he had panicked. "It's nothing."

"Stop it, Innaya. Stop it. You think this is funny?" He raised his voice and almost instantly regretted as his face fell right a moment later.

"I do not find this funny, Eshan, but I certainly do not like the way you are getting yourself worked up for this." I slowly encircled my arms around his neck. "I do not like you getting so worried. I hate it,"

I murmured, ignoring the intense headache that was making even breathing, hard for me but I could let go of anything for Eshan so this was just a headache.

"This is our appointment time. We need to go," he informed, glancing at the wall clock. His voice was low, giving away how tensed he was.

"Can we go a bit later?" I urged. My headache was barely letting me breathe. I couldn't stand, and I knew I wouldn't be able to make it to the hospital. "Please, Eshan?" I pulled down my hands, breaking the hug. My hands rested on his shoulders, and my eyes did some more requesting.

"Of course. Come on, lie down and rest for a while. I will reschedule the appointment and fix one of the evenings."

He helped me lie down and covered me with a duvet before he got in the bed from the other side.

I shut my eyes, trying my best not to let him see the extent of my headache. I knew it would just add on to his worries which were the last thing that I wanted.

I inwardly smiled as I felt his hand caressing my forehead and hair occasionally. It was beyond explanation how his touch was so magically soothing to my aching soul.

"Thank you."

"Sleep, sweetheart."

His gentle massage on my forehead did relax me and even though the headache did not lessen, it had become bearable with having Eshan beside me.

***

I woke up alone in bed. Clock confirmed that it was five in the evening. A short nap had reduced my headache to a great extent.

"How are you feeling?"

My eyes shifted to the door, hearing Eshan. My lips stretched into a smile as I watched him with two cups of tea in a tray. The aroma of ginger filled my nostrils, and I couldn't be more grateful for it. At that moment, all I needed to feel better was a ginger tea.

"Much better." I passed him a smile and quickly moved to the washroom to gargle and wash my face before I was back on the bed to sip on the tea he had brought for us.

"We will leave after drinking tea." I felt the need to let him know that I was not going to delay visiting the doctor anymore. Not for me, but for Eshan because I couldn't see him, lost in his concern for me.

His face brightened by those mere words.

***