Chapter 148 - Opening Up (3)

|Innaya|

Memories are terrible. Memories of the person who is no longer with you are like a slow poison. They corrode you from the within, slowly affecting you, consuming you only to leave you like an empty shell. They remind you of the happy times you once had. They remind you of the loss you suffered. They remind you of the bad times and leave you saddened.

The memories crawl in your mind and occupy your whole being. It takes you back to the time when things were too good to be true. Furthermore, it takes you to reality. A harsh reality- where there is no

chance of feeling those moments that had turned into memories.

Despite not wanting to think about grandpa's memories, I could not stop myself. With the new changes in my life, there had been a point when I had not missed grandpa like I used to. When Eshan had gone missing from my life, all my thoughts revolved around him only.

It was not that I had forgotten about him. Eshan had made me realize that I should not always cry remembering grandpa. He had once said how it would hurt grandpa if he saw me crying.

Dead people do not come back. How could someone who had died see my plight? Maybe, those were the stories cooked by older generations. People did not become a star after dying. It was the way of consoling ourselves. It was a way of making peace with our loss. I knew it all, and yet I could not help but believe in those things.

In the end, energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. Everyone knew it. I would like to believe that the energy of that person remained around us, watching over us. That was why, after mom reminded me of grandpa's death anniversary I did not cry.

I was emotional. I was missing him terribly. All the years I had spent with him were now running before my eyes as I closed them.

"Are you missing grandpa?" His soothing calm voice asked me as he rubbed my forearm.

I forgot that I was still in his arms. I forgot that he could even sense the slightest of change in my emotions. I wondered how though. It never crossed my mind how deeply we both were connected. Somehow we had started to know if something was not right with the other one.

"Hmm…" I just hummed in response to his question. There was no point in hiding things from him.

He patted my hair. "You can cry. I'm here."

I bit my lip as I shook my head. I would not cry. I would not. However, my eyes ended up watering. I refused to cry though. Stubbornly I closed my eyes tightly.

"It would be a year on this twenty-fifth to his demise. I know you are sad because of it. It's okay to get an emotional, sweetheart," Eshan gently spoke.

I breathed sharply. His words were giving me the courage to face my emotions. "We'd planned to go on a world tour after my graduation. I was so excited. I thought that life couldn't get any better…" I choked reminiscing about what grandpa and I had planned.

"I'd been afraid of going to new places, exploring them. I preferred staying within the circle of people I was comfortable with. Grandpa never forced me to amend my ways. He never pushed me unnecessarily out of my limits. I never understood how he could be so patient with me. Mom and granny tried many times that I would change myself. They tried to teach me that I needed to be strong.

Sometimes, they felt frustrated because of how I closed myself.

Never. Not for even once, grandpa got frustrated or irritated with me. When I would visit the therapist, grandpa would hold me. He would hold me as I would try to recall my demons. He would hold me until I started to learn ways of coping with my past. He would seat beside me, even when I didn't utter a word."

Eshan caressed my cheek with his finger. I sighed, pushing back the urge to cry. His warmth was helping me to pour out my feelings.

Well, talking helped. Telling about those memories might help. I would not know until I tried. Talking about my problems or anything I felt important or futile with grandpa helped me. It was one of the exercises my therapist had suggested.

That exercise worked only with grandpa. After he passed away, I could not bring myself to share my feelings or thoughts with anyone. I had tried. I had tried even when grandpa was alive. It did not work. So, I did not try it again. Not until Eshan came in my life.

With Eshan, talking about my feelings came naturally. Perhaps it was because of the selfless love he had for me. Perhaps it was because of the similar approach he had towards me, the one grandpa had.

There were lots of possibilities of why Eshan made me comfortable around him just the way I used to feel around grandpa.

I snuggled in his arms. There was no more space left within us. Eshan stayed calm as he waited for me to share my thoughts. I lifted my teary eyes and looked at him.

"It was so abrupt. He was healthy. He had no health issues. How could he suddenly have a heart attack? How could he suddenly leave all of us behind?" I asked him even though I knew there was no answer to it.

In life, we had no answers for so many things. "How could he? Our plan of the world tour was yet to complete? He was most enthusiastic about it. H-how could he? I didn't even get a chance to talk to him for the last time. I could-" I gazed at him. His face appeared blurred because of the hot tears blurring my vision.

"Oh, Innaya." Eshan wiped my tears as he cupped my face.

"He's in a better place, Tesoro. I'd told you. Don't miss him too much. He's looking at you and he wants you to be happy, always."

He pushed my head to his chest as he rubbed my back. I knew he was only trying to console me. His voice had also shaken. Just like me, he was missing grandpa too. For only my sake, he was trying to be strong. I knew it all. It made me cry harder in his chest. I shed the tears of his share as well...

***

，