Chapter 115 - Eshan Was Lighting Up My Insides With His Love

| Innaya |

Eshan's tears pricked my heart more than my own. He had tears in his eyes listening to the torment I went through. I forgot about myself and wiped the tear that rolled down on his cheek. Eshan closed his eyes, trying to compose himself. If he behaved this way, then how was I meant to react? Perhaps it was not a good idea to dump everything on him. 

I gave him a sad smile, silently asking him to not pity me or feel sorry for me. There was nothing he could do about my past. It had happened, and no matter how much he or I wished, we could change nothing. 

I caressed his cheek as I waited for him to look at me. Eshan however, seemed to have different plans as he pulled me in his arms and held me tightly. His suddenness startled me. His grip around me also did not lose but firmed further and further. It firmed to the point that it started being uncomfortable. I could hardly breathe properly when my nose was pressed against Eshan's chest. Eshan finally noticed my discomfort and loosened his hold.

"Continue," Eshan said in a heavy tone once he got hold of his emotions.

I shifted in his arms. Playing with the button of his shirt, I replied, "If not for Grandpa, I would have died that evening. It was the miracle, how he found me. He never told me anything about that evening apart from that man was mentally ill and he was never coming back. It was only him, I would acknowledge. I had undergone treatment for five years. Only after that, I was able to socialize with my family. I was never the socializing type. I would better stay in the comfort of my home rather than being with strangers." This time it was not hurting like before. I was able to continue without breaking into tears.

'You are a disappointment.'

'You brought bad luck in my life.'

'I gave you everything and you ruined my life.'

"Those words still haunted me and no, they were not the only ones. A year- whole year trapped with those monsters, and that worst evening of my life had haunted me in the worst way anyone could imagine. It took me five years to finally let myself believe that they weren't coming back. It took me seven years to finally be in the presence of my mother and have a normal conversation without running back into my room. It took me eleven years to acknowledge that I can have friends too, and Siya was there for me." I revealed and when I took Siya's name, there was a tinge of guilt in my heart.

I had cut off every contact with her from the last two and a half months. It was not her fault to look after me, but her continuous insistence regarding Eshan's intentions had somewhere instigated my doubts. She was my only friend as long as I could remember. 

"Yet it took you just one meeting to agree for our marriage?" 

I craned my head to look at him. There was disbelief written all over Eshan's face. I could understand it though. It was natural for him to feel that way. It was totally unexpected for me too. I had every intention of denying his alliance, but things took a different turn.

His face suddenly turned hard and anxious as he asked, "Were you forced?"

"Hmm... If you consider emotional talks, concern, as one- then maybe I was," I replied as seriously I could. His face fell, and his 

eyes turned sad and guilty.

Eshan dislodged his hold, but before he could get up, and rushed out, I held him back, "Hey, I was kidding. Firstly, I was angry, infuriated to be exact when I was given the news that I had suitor coming to fix the already fixated alliance. However, while walking back I remembered Grandpa's words. I decided to meet you and rest— you know."I waved my hand in the air.

"I agreed because Grandpa in his letter wrote and I quote, - He is a good boy and I trust him with your life. He would die before hurting you. He is not like that man and you know, I would never do something that has a remote possibility of giving you pain. Trust me and trust him and give him a chance." I answered him, removing all the self-doubt of his. I would not let him feel guilty for some nonexistent doubts.

Eshan was contemplating my words, and I knew he was still unsure. I was also grateful that he had not talked about my past, or asked me anything. It was as if he understood my need for silence on that topic.

"For Grandpa, I would give my life if asked. He asked me to marry you then why wouldn't I?" I asked casually as if that question itself was absurd.

"I trust him blindly, but my trust isn't blind. He had earned it." I smiled and that seemed to put Eshan's worry at ease for his face finally revealed a tiny smile.

"You have earned it too," I confessed once again.

His face mirrored his happiness, and his lips uplifted into that beautiful smile.

Eshan lowered his head until his lips were nearly hovering over mine. Gone was every other emotion, and it was replaced with sheer softness as he gazed down at me. With eyes locked with mine, his lips descended on mine. I stilled for a moment, and before I could gather myself, he pulled back.

Disappointment? Astonishment? Disbelief? I had no idea what I was feeling. Moreover, he did not give me a chance to ponder over that because he continued as if he did not just kiss me.

"You are a beautiful, strong, and independent woman, and I love you for that," whispering those words, his lips found their way back again. This time he did not pull away, he stayed. His lips glided over mine- slowly, steadily as if taking their own sweet time to familiarize the unknown path. My eyes had long ago given up, and so did my mind. His one hand slipped on my back running leisurely, and other held my nape tilting my head slightly upwards. 

I unconsciously sighed with the whirlwind of emotions in my heart. I had never experienced this-this kind of... happiness, security, or maybe love.

Submitting myself to him, I let him take control. I had no choice because my mind and heart both decided to take a back seat and my soul was willingly ready to take in whatever he was offering. I felt myself losing as his lips moved further, forward, and deeper. His kiss stole my breath, when he pulled away, but not before leaving a quick peck again, I was lost.

"You understand?"

Lost, I could only manage to nod my head. I had no idea what the question was or what he was saying for that matter. All I knew was Eshan kissed me, willingly. He kissed me slowly, sweetly taking his own sweet time, and he kissed me as a lover does to his beloved.

Have you ever experienced how the first rain of the season feels against your bare skin as you stand under the darkened sky with your arms spread out? That feeling when you close your eyes and just enjoy the peacefulness engulfing you... Slowly... Gradually. 

As water, falls on your skin, as you face upwards, and the cool droplets sliding across your skin make you feel rejuvenated. I felt the same sensation when Eshan again scooped down for another kiss.

As I looped my arms around Eshan's neck, I failed to keep up with Eshan's pace. The sun was slowly going away behind the horizon paving a path for the moon to emerge out. Under the darkening sky, Eshan was lighting up my insides with his love.

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