Chapter 71 - What kind of a companion was I?

| Innaya |

Come away with me in the night,

Come away with me,

And I will write you a song.

Come away with me on a bus,

Come away where they can't tempt us, with their lies.

I want to walk with you,

On a cloudy day,

In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high,

So won't you try to come?

I had always felt, Norah Jones had a way with words. A beautiful way that always struck the right chord. 'Come Away With Me' had been one of my favorite songs for a long time, but it had never invoked the kind of feelings it was doing, today. Perhaps, because I was relating to the song on an extremely personal level.

I never had a boyfriend. I never had someone in my life for whom I developed feelings - romantic kind of feelings - fluffy kind of feelings - intimate kind of feelings - until Eshan walked in and made his permanent space in my heart without my conscious realization.

On a cloudy day,

In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high,

So won't you try to come?

The song fell in my ears again as I had put it on the loop, and I had an insane urge to rush back to Eshan. The lyrics, as if made for our situation, made me feel as if it was Eshan who was asking me to come to him.

How could I not go?

How could I not go?

I pulled the phone closer and paused the song as the urge grew intense. I sat on the couch for a couple of minutes more, debating if I should go or I shouldn't.

There was no debate about if I wanted to or not. I was dying to go to him. Seeing him from afar would have left me content, but it wasn't only about me. It was more about him.

I couldn't be selfish enough to suffocate him with my presence for the sake of my happiness, could I?

I hid my face in my palms as the thoughts clouded my mind, and guilt refused to leave me. I breathed deeply.

I wanted to be with Eshan, but at the cost of his peace? Never.

However, as I thought about it more, the realization hit me that without me, he wasn't in peace either. Sure, he might not be willing to see me, it might hurt him having me in front of him, but I knew, I was the elixir to his pain. Only I could take away all his pain, and be the remedy, just the way he was to me.

He hadn't left me all the times I asked him to, so how could I do that?

I already saw what our separation of two months did to him. The two months that he was away from me did nothing but left him to suffocate with every breath he took. I saw it today, with my eyes.

I must go to him. He needed me even though he wouldn't verbalize it.

Eshan needed his Innaya, and his Innaya would go to him. I promised myself as I stood up, tied my hair in a bun, and moved to the kitchen.

I was going to make some food for him. He looked so weak. It took me nothing to know that he had barely eaten in these two months, and whatever he had, he hadn't eaten with his heart, and that must be the reason, it didn't help his body. He had lost weight.

'What should I make for him?' I wondered. I wasn't sure about what should I make for him. I did not know his favorite dishes, and it made me feel the worst. 

What kind of a companion was I? 

Eshan was aware of my favorite food right on the next day of our meet and on another side. I didn't even know what he liked even after spending so much time with him.

I felt horrible, but I fought the tears, not letting them drop this time.

I picked up my phone to call Eshan's mother to ask her about the same, but I pushed it on the kitchen slab the next moment. How could I ask her that? What would she think about me? In the four months of our marriage, I couldn't even figure out my husband's, her son's favorite food?

No, I couldn't call her. 

Then whom could I ask?

'Arjun.' A small smile crept over my lips as I lifted my phone again, and dialed Arjun's number. 'Oh, no.' I immediately pressed my finger on the screen, disconnecting the call. I hoped it didn't connect.

Calling Arjun and inquiring about Eshan's favorite food would let Arjun know that I was planning to visit Eshan and he wouldn't let me.

I was dejected, not knowing what to do.

I suddenly remembered something and scrolled through my gallery, and after a couple of minutes of searching, my faded smile not just came back but also widened in sheer joy.

'Thank you, Arjun.' I was so grateful to Arjun that I was going to treat him once he was back. Arjun had forwarded me a bunch of pictures of their group months ago, and a lot of pictures had Eshan in the kitchen and the group having their meals together.

One of the pictures that had caught my attention had the text over it - The Chef and his favorite food.

I zoomed in and intently observed the dishes.

Kadhi Pakoda

Peas Pulao.

Tomato Upma.

Dal Palak.

Capsicum Fry.

Cabbage Paratha.

As I looked at the dishes one by one, I realized what a gem of a person I was married to. He loved such a colorful and variety of foods, but never once, he handed over the list to me and demanded me to make them.

He had done so many things for me, and I had done nothing.

I did not know how I was going to match up to him, but I was going to initiate with cooking his favorite food for him.

I checked the fridge once to confirm that I had all that I needed. Except for capsicums, I had everything. I wasn't going to skip anything. 

I opened the bun and untied my hair only to tie them with a hairband. I then looked for my purse, after finding it and checking the money, I locked the home and headed towards the market.