Chapter 193 - Sunday Blues

Sunday

Damien and Katherine still weren't talking much. Last night while he buried himself with work, she stayed in bed the entire time… sleeping… half-asleep… pretending to sleep.

Time was passing by so slowly for her and she had a hard time convincing herself to go to sleep. Because the moment that she closes her eyes, her mind replays that horrifying scene of her in the memory that she had buried so deep inside. There was a reason that her brain must have kept her from remembering it. Who would ever want to see or experience something like that?

More importantly, she had been so stressed about who that man was. Judging by what she saw in her memory—a nightmare—she should hate that person. But the words that the mysterious man said to her struck her in ways more than just confusion. There was more to it than just words of goodbye and hoping to be understood. 

Whoever that man was… it seemed like she had loved him as well. For some twisted reason that she doesn't know, she may have loved him because that would be the only explanation why she was in so much pain as soon as she woke up and the man's incomplete features flashed in her mind even when she fluttered her eyes open.

The thought of that man brought her misery. A heartache that she didn't know she was capable of feeling. For years since she woke up from a coma, the only one that really struck her… rather made her heart tick differently than normal was Damien.

But the man she saw while she was in a trance had caused her heart to feel pain and she couldn't figure out the cause. Was it because of disappointment? She doubted it. How about betrayal? It could be possible but how was she to know? She practically didn't know anything else other than hesitantly believing what supposedly was her 'memory'. What if it was just a nightmare that her subconsciousness made up? Was that even possible?

She didn't know what to believe now. What was she supposed to feel when what she saw was something she thought she could handle? This was the real world—not some extremely expensive Hollywood movie. Erasing a memory?! Katherine was exasperated.

If… If it was a real memory, who was that man? And what was he to her? 

She turned her head to the nightstand to check the time. It was eight in the morning. She came to her senses and turned to the other side of the bed only to realize that Damien wasn't there. Had he even come to bed last night? Studying the untouched side of his bed, it looked like he didn't. 

She closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry despite feeling bad. She was feeling guilty about it all and not having him by her side made her feel shittier than she already was.

Rolling out of bed, she took a quick shower and changed into a new set of clothes. She heard the door open and saw Damien with a tray of breakfast in his hands. His hair was disheveled and he had dark circles under his eyes, indicating that he must have been up all night. But the moment that he saw her, he pulled on a smile as quick as lightning, masking his real expression.

She hated it. She hated that he was pretending to smile. He was the one person that she expected not to pretend around her like he usually does but ever since what happened yesterday, he had been distant and it was killing her. 

It was killing her even more that he was still taking care of her despite the fact that he was clearly distressed as much as she was. But she could not bring herself to talk about it because if she did, it would only feel like what she saw was real. And contrary to what she originally thought… she wasn't ready. Not anymore after what happened. She was a coward.

Katherine watched as Damien set the tray on the bed and walked up to her. "How was your sleep?" he asked, his hands digging inside his pockets.

She wanted him to touch her. And she wanted to be vulnerable and lean on him but she didn't want to show that side of her. She didn't want him to think she was only going to cry. Yes, she was in a bad place right now but crying in front of him was useless. So she wasn't going to cry… even if she was very confused about everything… even if she ached for his touch. 

Masking a smile of her own, she nodded her head. She slept an almost dreamless sleep thanks to the melatonin pill that she took before bed. "It was fine. You?" she asked and saw him nod in return. Liar. Both of them were. She could smell the liquor on him. He looked like he already took a shower but she could still smell it.

As they sat in bed, Katherine turned to him and requested, "Will you eat with me?"

"Of course…" Damien positioned himself next to her and plopped a piece of strawberry in his mouth.

He was so careful around her. It was as though he was afraid that the slightest touch was going to break her.

After their quiet breakfast, he put the tray away and sat on the bed with her, finally speaking, "Listen… You don't have to talk about what happened. Only if you want to… and only when you're ready." 

If Damien was being honest, he wasn't sure if he was telling her… or telling himself. 

He didn't know how to act around her because she's so closed off at the moment and doesn't even look at him in the eye as if she was guilty of something. She couldn't be thinking about that man the whole time, could she?

So after a sleepless night, he figured he should give her some space and not put pressure on her. "When you are… I'll be right here," he added.

But while he thought of all that, Katherine believed that even though he said so, he obviously was uncomfortable with the whole situation. And the gnawing feeling in her heart kept her from going to him. It was worse than knowing anything from her past at all.

At her current state, she wasn't sure if she wanted to delve deeper or just let nature run its course.

…

In the afternoon, Damien left while Katherine was taking a nap and met Jeffrey and Caleb in one of Crown Hotel's bar. 

"It's 2 pm on a Sunday. What are we doing here?" Caleb asked as he sat on Damien's left side but flagged down the bartender to order a cocktail anyway.

Jeffrey who was sitting on Damien's right watch his friend nurse a glass of whiskey in his hand for the past thirty minutes. "Where's Katherine?" he asked.

Damien lifted the glass to his lips but placed it back on the counter. "At home, taking a nap. I just had to get out of there."

"Are you guys having a lover's quarrel?" Caleb probed, raising his eyebrow at his friend but Jeffrey answered for Damien after getting the signal that it was okay to tell. 

They filled him in with what happened yesterday and even Caleb who usually has answers to most things, he was also quiet after hearing everything.

"Man, that's fucked up."

Caleb's comment made Damien shake his head and responded, "Tell me about it."

Caleb and Jeffrey stayed with their friend, drinking and talking away while Damien just sat there quietly. Though he would utter some responses occasionally, he was deep in his own thoughts and left his drink untouched. At this point, he didn't think more drinking was going to solve anything. He guessed he just needed to be away for a while.