Chapter 192 - With love, Queen.

As soon as Chris got the word that Katherine was in the hospital, he drove there without thinking much. He knew that she had been visiting hospitals in the past but a sudden visit right after they just returned from their trip to France, he didn't know what to expect. 

However, after learning that she was physically healthy, he slightly calmed down. But knowing that she was there to see her new doctor, he couldn't help but worry again. He was half expecting her to remain unaware… while also hoping that she would remember. He was already tired of everything.

Chris was in his mid-30s and he had this feeling that something big was going to happen in the near future. And while he leaned on a car in the parking lot, he thought about a lot of things. Parker recently gave him a mission in another state and thinking about it thoroughly, he didn't have to do a lot because the order was simple – shoot to kill.

However, the more that he thought about it, the more it dawned on him how he no longer wanted to do his bidding. For years, he had followed orders without question. But several years ago when he started to see Katherine as a woman, he wished there was another life for the two of them.

After erasing her memories, he built a wall around him. It was the only way he could keep himself away from her despite still having the need to know if she was okay. But as time passed, no matter how much he convinced himself that what he did was for the best, little by little, his wall started to crumble — all because he couldn't be with her. 

For years, he had seen her smile and laugh but there was always this part of her that was closed off. And he didn't question that because he knew very well why.

He was so proud that she became one of the top agents in Shadow. She was indeed a special one because compared to the rest of the agents, she was the only one who was still attached to the outside world. She had emotions and feelings of someone who had experienced the love of a family and friends while the rest only had Shadow — a family that isn't truly a family.

Chris let out a long and heavy sigh. He was clearly tense… but more than that, he was already exhausted about the life that he has. 

He was among Parker's best agents. But there was no way that Parker would just let him leave. He already knew the old man too well to know that leaving Shadow wasn't an option — the only way an agent could leave was through a body bag.

Taking out a cigarette from his coat, he lit it up with his metal lighter. Before putting the lighter back into his pocket, he ran his thumb on the surface of it, seeing a hawk engraved in the middle with print below it that said: 

To hawk. May this light guide you when you lead… and escort you while you tread the path in Shadow. With love, Queen.

Hawk was his other name in Shadow just like Queen was for Katherine. The corners of his mouth curled up into a small smile as he remembered the time when Katherine gave him the lighter as a gift when he rose in the ranks. She constantly nagged him to stop smoking… but she still gave him a lighter — classic Katherine.

He took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled the smoke out, watching as the smoke got blown away by the wind.

Just as he put the lighter away, he noticed two men and a woman arrive at the entryway of the hospital. He put out his cigarette on the ground and narrowed his eyes towards them as he tried to see Katherine from where he was standing. There was a good twenty-meter distance between them and he saw that she was just standing there with an unreadable expression.

Chris remained rooted to where he was standing until Katherine suddenly looked at his direction. He didn't move and continued to look at her, waiting to see what she was going to do. It didn't seem like her memories were back with the way her expression was but she definitely appeared like she was wondering. Did she perhaps notice something?

As she began to step towards the pavement, Chris pushed himself off the car and calmly walked away from the hospital and into a waiting car that was parked a block away.

He was so close to running towards her…

So close to snatching her away from the man that was with her… 

…

Pearl Gardens

Damien stayed inside his study until a couple of hours later. In his hand was the recorder that Jeffrey gave to him before they left the hospital. He was hesitant to accept it but he knew he had to. 

The entire time, he was only able to listen to the whole recording once. He couldn't bring himself to listen to it again. It was haunting.

He had consumed a lot of alcohol but despite that, he wasn't drunk. However, the numbing feeling that he was looking for hit him and it made him somehow calmer than earlier.

He went to the bedroom and leaned against the wall, watching Katherine from a distance for God knows how long. She was still in bed and he was tempted to crawl next to her... but he didn't. He thought he was stronger. 'I have to be… for her.' But it was just so damn difficult. He didn't exactly have any experience in this matter — no one does. Everything was just so confusing.

Pushing himself off the wall, he changed into something comfortable before going towards the kitchen to heat up some leftovers for her to eat. She hadn't eaten for hours… and no matter what was currently happening, he still wanted to take care of her.

A few minutes later, he came back with a tray of light meal and woke her up to eat. The two of them didn't talk so much and neither one of them spoke about what happened hours ago. 

After eating, Damien cleared out the tray and asked, "Can I get you anything?" He sat down next to her, his hand curled up into a fist as though he was afraid to touch her and he didn't know why. 

The way he was to her at that moment didn't go unnoticed by Katherine. And although she was unsure of why he was acting that way, she didn't call him out. Instead, she gave him a warm smile. "I'm okay, Damien… Thank you…"

Nodding, he got up and made her comfortable in bed before leaning in to kiss her on the forehead. "Sleep some more. I'll just be in the study."

And with that, he left the master bedroom and buried himself in work to keep himself distracted. 

'We'll be okay… right?' he wondered.