Chapter 35 - 35

He lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his dark blue eyes. I wanted to laugh at his words considering there were times in the past where I had honestly felt like he was reading my mind. Instead, I felt tears rise in my eyes at the earnestness in his face, and the last of my resolve melted under the sweetness of his tone. Here was this big strong Master begging me to help him, it was something I couldn't deny him and didn't really want to.

"I saw you at your club. I saw you with another woman after I had just told you how I don't share, Reed. Even worse, you two looked pretty intimate."

He pulled away and then walked over to the window to look out seemingly lost in his thoughts; he crossed one arm over his chest and reached his other to rub over his face.

"I see. So, that was you I saw there."

"Yes, it was and the man that I was talking to told me you guys were together. How am I supposed to feel about that, Reed?" I implored.

I wrapped my arms around myself trying to hold back the pain. He sighed and turned back to me, the look on his face was one of exhaustion and regret as if he had lost something dear to him.

"Mia, I know we haven't known each other long, but after everything we have done barring that night's little escapade, do you trust me?"

I wanted to shout yes, undeniably yes, but it would not be the truth and I knew he wouldn't stand for anything less than honesty from me. Shaking my head, I looked away unwilling to see any more pain on his face, knowing I could not handle it.

"I don't know, Reed. Before Sunday I would have said yes. You hadn't hurt me even when you could have. Now, something feels wrong, and I hate not knowing where I stand with you. I don't share and it feels as if you're forcing me to even after we agreed I wouldn't be."

"I understand," he said softly.

He turned back to the window and looking out lost deep in thought again. The deafening silence was uncomfortable. I shuffled for a few moments waiting for him to break it until I could not take it anymore.

"Reed, honestly, it's okay if you can't commit that's fine. I just need to know upfront because I can't stand lies. Make your decisions and let me know. Otherwise, I'll decide for us," I said turning around to leave.

"You didn't," Reed said so softly I almost didn't hear him.

I stopped and looked back at him in disbelief, I wondered if he didn't understand what I was saying at all.

"I want you and only you. I don't want to share you or make you share me. However, that is impossible right now," Reed said sadly.

With his back to me, I could see the hard slump of his shoulders as if he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I knew I should have raged at him, called him a lying idiot, yet I could not. At his words, the anger and pain vanished and were replaced by a deep empty hole buried in my chest.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that much. I wish you had said something upfront, Reed. If you can't be faithful, that's fine, but you're not the one for me," I said softly, sadly.

He turned around finally, and I could see the pain that I had felt reflected in his eyes.

"It's not what you think, Mia. I'm not seeing someone else because apparently, you are the someone else."

I felt my blood turn to ice in my veins and searched his face for some sign of humor, for some glimpse of a lie.

"Wait, what?" I breathed out.

"You're the other woman," he said with a self-deprecating chuckle. "Yeah, believe me, it made me pause for a second as well."

I just stared at him waiting for the punch line and when it didn't come I curled my fingers into a ball thinking of making him the punch line.

"No, you see, I refuse to be anyones' other woman. You can't be the 'other woman' if you didn't know there was a first woman to begin with."

Reed sighed as he walked across the room and sat down on his couch lacing his fingers together and leaning on his knees.

"Look, here is all I can tell you. It was a long time ago, way before I met you and I thought it was over. But apparently, I was wrong... So, fucking wrong it's not even funny and when you saw me at the club that night, I was trying to figure out what the hell she was up to," He shook his head and looked up at me, uncertainty lining every feature.

"We were in the middle of talking when I looked up and saw you, but you were gone so fast that I thought with how badly I had wanted to see you, I had imagined you," he explained.

"Why is that all you can tell me?" I asked sitting next to him.

He looked so upset and befuddled I couldn't help but believe him, he reminded me of a little boy who had just gotten his toys taken away.

"Because my ex-wife or soon-to-be ex-wife is vindictive, cruel, and manipulative. She likes to play games, always has and probably always will, and until I know what game she's playing right now, I don't want you involved," he said looking at me his eye's pleading with me to understand, "I don't want you hurt because of me or her."

I reached out and touched his face, the empty void that I had felt in my chest filled up and began to ache again with a new kind of pain.. This time it was all for him.