111 Who Needs To Face Their Fears When You Can Just Run Away?

Gadiel

May 16, 3:30 pm, Canberra, Australia

Gadiel's father was a big man. Despite his age, he still hit the gym, and had the gains to show for it. When Gadiel was growing up, all the kids in his class agreed that his dad would beat all the other dads. It wasn't even a competition.

Despite all that, Gadiel knew that his dad was a pretty laid-back, easygoing guy. Despite his scary appearance, he was really a marshmallow who would cave at the slightest pressure from his wife or child.

The only time Gadiel had seen him angry was once when one of Gadiel's older cousins pushed him into a river while playing. The memory of his dad's rage had burnt itself into Gadiel's mind. From then on, he made sure to never make his dad mad on purpose.

So seeing him so worked up, chest heaving as he held up the picture, Gadiel felt as if a whole bunch of his childhood fears were coming true.

This was it.

His dad hated him.

He was going to hate him forever.

He was going to kick him out and say that he wasn't his son.

No. Calm down.

Calm. Down.

Gadiel looked over to his mum, who was also looking incredulous at her own phone. He didn't need her to show him to know what she was seeing.

"Well, boy?" his father growled, dragging Gadiel's panicking attention back to him.

"Are you going to explain what exactly I'm loo-?"

Gadiel watched as his dad froze, mid sentence. He blinked in surprise, then waved a hand in front of him.

His dad didn't move.

Gadiel looked over to his mum. She too, was frozen in the motion of looking up to Gadiel.

"Weeeell?" said that same, annoying voice in Gadiel's head. "What do you thiiiiiink?"

Gadiel wanted to scream. He wanted to rip the covers off and find Ai, then strangle her. He was seriously regretting not doing so before. At least then, he would've at least satisfied his urge to kill.

"You know that would've just made me stay in your head," Ai giggled, still not showing herself. "Do you really want me around that badly?"

"I'm going to murder you."

"Maybe you should avoid getting murdered first," said Ai dryly. "Your dad looks like he wants to kill you, after all."

Gadiel balled his fists, his heart thumping loudly in his chest.

"You did this," he said through gritted teeth. "You planned this."

"Duh," Ai giggled once more. Gadiel could imagine her sickeningly cute prancing and twirling as she gloated.

"The whole time you thought I was trying to separate you from Tarik," she tutted.

"Well, that was the eventual goal. But to separate you, I just needed you to lose against an opponent you could never beat! And a goody-two-shoes wannabe like you could never go against your parents. Even if they're trying to kill you."

But that was what she wanted, wasn't it? She wanted him mad, unstable. Then she could just undo this weird time-stop, and he'd look bad in front of his parents.

So Gadiel took a deep breath, and unclenched his fists. He tried to settle his scattered mind, thinking about something calming.

"What happened to Tarik?" said Gadiel suddenly. Was what the nurse said still true? Did Tarik really call him here? Or had Ai done something?

"If you hurt him-"

"Oh relax, he's fine. For now," said Ai, with the air of someone lazily putting off another task.

"I let him think he beat me and just jumped into your mind. Then he called an ambulance for you, like I planned, and now we're here, and you're not getting out of here the same little Gadiel."

Gadiel snorted, but inside, he felt a little twinge of fear. She had already outed him to his parents. What more could she be planning?

Ai laughed. It wasn't her usual, cute little giggle, but a deeper, more sinister laugh.

A laugh of a bully looking down on her victim.

Gadiel was very familiar with that kind of laugh.

"See you soon, Moon-boy," she said.

"-king at?" Gadiel's dad finished his sentence, just as Gadiel felt Ai fade away.

"AAAH!"

Pain exploded between Gadiel's eyes, sharp and drilling right down into his brain. He immediately fell back into the fetal position, white spots crowding his vision as he grasped at his head.

His entire body felt like a giant bruise, his muscles burning under his skin as he tried to keep as still as possible. His brain felt like it was pounding against his skull.

Slowly the pain faded away, leaving behind only a dull throb. Gadiel blinked away the tears that had formed, his breathing slowly returning to normal.

"Are you okay?"

He looked up to find his parents next to him, looking worried.

"I'm fine," he said automatically, smiling as to not worry them. "Just a small headache."

Probably a side effect from the whole 'time-stop' thing. Or was it really even time-stop? Since Ai's powers seemed to revolve around mind control and stuff, maybe it was just her speeding up Gadiel's thinking until everything seemed to go slow.

That would explain the pain, at least. And why Gadiel's brain felt like he had just read an entire textbook in one sitting.

"That didn't seem like a small headache," said Gadiel's mother, folding her arms.

"Is there something you haven't told us?"

Gadiel sighed. He looked up at his parents.

It would be easy to lie. To make an excuse, to say that the picture was just a joke that someone took too far or something.

They would believe that. Gadiel could tell that they wanted to believe that.

Was that what he was going to do for the rest of his life? Was that how he wanted to live, keeping everything a secret from his parents, keeping them at an arms length?

...

Yeah, probably.

"I've just...been having some headaches lately," he said. "Just every now and then. I've never passed out before though."

"And you didn't tell us?" said his dad, his voice getting louder.

"Because I knew you'd worry," Gadiel sighed. "You're always worrying over everything I do. And it wasn't that bad."

"You ended up in the hospital," said his dad, unconvinced.

"I'm fine," Gadiel insisted. "Really."

His parents simply looked at him. His dad was the first to look away, standing up and sighing.

"What about the picture then?" he said. "Care to explain that?"

Crap. Gadiel was hoping they wouldn't focus on that. Although he knew he was going to lie, he really didn't want to. Just thinking about it made his stomach feel funny and nauseous, but not in a way like was going to throw up. More like there was something wriggling around inside, walking around in his belly, trying to walk its way out by strolling in circles.

"It was a joke," said Gadiel, his voice catching on the final syllable. He cleared his throat and tried again.

"It was a joke," he repeated, more certain. "Just a joke that he took too far. Relax papi."

Gadiel's dad stared at him for a moment. He seemed a little uncertain, even shocked.

"Who is that other boy?" his mother suddenly piped up. "Where did you meet him?"

Gadiel didn't like this line of questioning.

"His name is Tarik," he said slowly, unable to think of a reason to lie. "He's from France. We met at French Conversation Club."

"Was he the one who convinced you to do that?" said his mum quietly.

Gadiel really didn't like where this conversation was heading.

"It was a joke," he repeated, a weird sinking feeling in his stomach. "It's not that big a deal."

"Then it's fine if you don't hang around this Tarik more, right?" said his dad suddenly. "He's not good for you if he's convincing you to do stuff like that. Even as a joke."

"You don't get to decide who I hang out with," said Gadiel, outwardly annoyed for the first time.

"Well clearly, we can't trust you to make good decisions on your own!" said his father, gesturing towards the hospital bed.

Gadiel bit his tongue. He had almost told them the truth, about how he'd really gotten here, but it had gotten stuck in his throat.

"So I'm not allowed to make any mistakes?" he said instead. "I'm just supposed to let you tell me how to live, in a nice, pretty cage until you let me out for nice little walks?"

"Mistakes don't land you in the hospital," said Gadiel's father. "You-"

"Mateo," said Gadiel's mum suddenly. Instantly, his father stopped and looked at her. She made a motion for him to settle down, and he took a deep breath. Then, she turned to Gadiel.

"Just tell us the truth," she said, looking into Gadiel's eyes. "How did you get here? And was it something to do with this Tarik boy?"

Gadiel looked back into his mother's eyes.

"I passed out," he repeated. "And this has nothing to do with Tarik."

He held his mother's gaze for a while. Surprisingly, she was the first to turn away.

"Okay," she said. "I believe you."

Gadiel looked between his parents. There was something...weird in the air.

"Ah, how is my new patient!"

The doctor suddenly burst into the room, completely oblivious to the atmosphere. She smiled as Gadiel and his parents looked up at her.

"Doctor, finally," said Gadiel's mother with relief. "Do you have a diagnosis?"

"I sure do!" she said cheerfully, looking straight at Gadiel. "But I'm not sure everyone here's going to enjoy what I have to say."

Gadiel's eyes widened as he saw her smiling face. He felt his blood run cold as he realized where he recognized that voice from. And whose face that was.

���Your son has a malignant tumor," said Ai-as-a-doctor. "We need to operate on it soon."

"A tumor?" said Gadiel's mum, shocked.

"Oh yes," said Ai-doctor. "We were all quite surprised."

She started to explain everything, but all Gadiel could hear was static. Panic was starting to rise in his chest, his vision going blurry.

She was planning something.

She was going to do something to him.

"It's actually quite a new thing," Dr. Ai said. "It's a tumor that affects those who engage in homosexual activity."

"What?"

As Dr. Ai explained away why no one had heard of this before, Gadiel felt sick to his stomach. He knew that there was no such thing. If there were, it would be all over the news, and the LGBT+ community would be the first to know about it.

This was all made up, a trick to make Gadiel look as bad as possible in front of his parents.

And it was working. His parents were definitely looking at Gadiel differently now. Before, they had been a little uneasy, if worried. Now, their worry was more palpable, but also tinged with...

With...

Disgust.

It was funny. Gadiel had, in his darkest moments, imagined what his parents' disgusted faces would look like. They looked exactly like what he expected.

How funny.

He felt weirdly hollow, not that his worst fears were coming true. Like everything he had imagined up until now was inevitable. Like whatever he did wouldn't change the ultimate outcome.

The outcome he had replayed in his mind in his darkest hours, over and over, until he was left feeling empty and worthless.

"You're not seeing that boy again," Gadiel's father's knuckles were white against the metal rails of the bed. Gadiel simply lay back.

"She's lying to you," he said dully. "Can't you see she's lying to you?"

Dr. Ai simply raised an eyebrow, and his father scoffed.

"Why would she lie?" he said. "She's a doctor. She's trying to take care of you."

Gadiel couldn't answer that. He knew his father was completely won over by Dr. Ai. Instead, he looked at his mother, his final hope.

"Please, believe me," he said. "Please trust me. Not her. Can you please trust me?"

His mother looked back at him, eyes filled with tears.

"How can I trust you when you lied to my face?" she said tearfully. "You are not the Gadiel I raised."

Her put out the fire of his hope instantly, crushing his heart beneath her heel. Gadiel wanted to cry, but he had no tears. All he could do was lie back and watch as Dr. Ai comforted his parents.

"It's alright," she said. "As long as we remove the tumor, he should be back to the boy he was before."

He watched as hope re-emerged on his parents' faces. They looked so relieved that the son they thought they had could come back to them.

Gadiel knew he was never the son they wanted. That was why he tried so hard to be that son, to do well in school, to try and live up to everything they wanted.

But watching them reject who he was and believe Ai's lies...

He knew this was going to happen. He knew it, deep inside, all along, that he was worthless. That his parents didn't want him. That he had to pretend, otherwise they'd throw him away.

So why did it hurt so much when it finally did happen?

...

Gadiel closed his eyes. He was tired.

"That's right, Moon-boy," Ai whispered in his mind. "Just sit back and let me handle everything."

So, so tired...