110 The Secrets You Kept As A Child To Stay Alive Are Something You Must Make Peace With Sooner Or Later

Gadiel

May 16, 3:18 pm, Canberra, Australia

The sun shone bright as Gadiel watched the waves crash onto the shore on the beach below. The white sand of the beach acted like a barrier between the rough waters and the bustling road and buildings on the left. The water crashed again and again on the sand, bubbling white as it advanced and receded, eternally hungry.

He sat on a small, wooden bench, in a sleeveless Hawaiian shirt and white cargo shorts, on a small hill overlooking the beach. He breathed in the salty air; bringing back memories of his childhood, running around with his cousins on the beach.

He felt something lay on his shoulder. He smiled, and looked over to find a tired Tarik, resting his head on Gadiel's shoulder.

"You know this is a dream, right?" said Tarik casually.

Gadiel looked out to the water below. He took in a deep breath again.

"Why do you think I'm trying to stay here as long as possible?" he said.

The water crashed against the beach. There were no people, not even a car on the street. There weren't even any seagulls screeching.

"Where is this?" Tarik asked.

"Victor Harbor," Gadiel answered immediately. "It's in South Australia."

They said nothing for a while, enjoying the view and each others' company for a while.

"If you don't go now, you might forget how," said Tarik.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Gadiel replied.

Tarik looked up, and simply smiled. Gadiel smiled back, but with a heavy heart.

He knew that this wasn't really Tarik. This was just something his mind made up, his ideal Tarik. A version of Tarik that would be everything Gadiel wanted him to be.

If he stayed here, he would have absolutely everything he wanted. He could live out the dream he always wanted; a life with Tarik, just the two of them, together for as long as they wanted.

But was that what he really wanted?

Would he really be satisfied with this?

Or would he always be wondering about what the real Tarik was doing?

Gadiel sighed.

"Why is it that even in my dreams you're always right?" he said, shaking his head.

Tarik laughed, the sound making Gadiel's heart ache.

"I didn't say anything," he said playfully. "Everything I'm saying is just something you thought."

Gadiel snorted, and took one last look at the waves crashing below them.

"Then I guess it says a lot that I chose the form of Tarik to tell me to get my shit together," he said, standing up. He turned to look at Tarik, and gave him his biggest smile.

"See you in the real world," he said, and immediately threw himself off the hill, which was somehow now a cliff, down to the rocks under them.

Gadiel's eyes snapped open before he even hit the water.

Pain blossomed from his head, making his eyes water. He instinctively sat up, momentarily disoriented.

Gadiel blinked his tears away, and found that he was in a hospital bed. To his right was a window, showing off the garden below, and to his left was a worried looking, model of a woman. She had long, brown hair, partially covered by a colorful, blue scarf.

"Mum?" Gadiel said in surprise.

"Ah, Gadiel habibi are you okay?"

Gadiel's mother fussed over him for a little, her blue eyes wide with worry. Gadiel pushed her off.

"What are you doing here?" he immediately asked. "Weren't you and papi in Lebanon?"

"Ay, of course we came back when we heard you were in the hospital," she said, discontent with being pushed away. She began fussing over his bed instead, asking if the level was right, if his pillow was comfortable. Gadiel just sighed and let her get on with it. It was easier than fighting her, but god did he wish he had stayed in the dream instead.

Now that he looked at her, he did realize that she looked quite tired. She had probably been worried during the entire flight from Lebanon. He felt a sudden wave of gratitude wash over his body.

As well as a twinge of guilt prick his heart.

"Do you remember how you got here?" she finally asked him.

Gadiel frowned. He remembered the science building, Tarik...

Tarik.

His stomach did a funny little flip as he remembered the kiss. He looked off, a little dazed as he remembered the feeling of Tarik's lips on his.

"Habibi? Stop thinking about girls and focus," said his mum, snapping her fingers.

"I think I was knocked out," said Gadiel, annoyed. Partially because his mum had interrupted his thinking, but also for getting so lost in his thoughts after a few moments of thinking about Tarik.

"Oh, you're awake!"

A nurse suddenly appeared, startling Gadiel. He quickly put his hand down; he realized that he was touching his lip weirdly.

She asked him a few questions, then made some notes on his chart.

"Do you know today's date?" she asked finally.

Gadiel looked outside. It was bright out.

"May 15," he answered.

"One day off, but that's to be expected," said the Nurse.

Gadiel stared at her.

"I was out for two days?" he asked, incredulous.

The nurse explained that he was brought in by an ambulance on the 14th.

"Your friend was the one who called you in," she told him. "He seemed worried."

Gadiel asked if he was here, hopes rising, only to be quickly dashed by the answer.

"Only family members are allowed in Emergency," said the Nurse. "Unfortunately, that doesn't apply to boyfriends."

"Boyfriend?" said Gadiel's mum, looking at the Nurse like she was crazy. "Does my son look like a gay to you?"

The Nurse and Gadiel exchanged eye contact briefly.

"He probably just said that to try and come with," said Gadiel, soothing his mother. "He's a good friend."

"Obviously," grumbled his mum. "No one would mistake you for one of those people."

"The doctor will drop by soon," she said to Gadiel, eyes apologetic. "Do you need anything from me?"

She gave a little more advice before running off.

Gadiel sighed. He felt like he had sighed more in the ten minutes he had been awake than in his entire first semester this year. But he supposed that was just how things were when his parents were around.

Now that he had a little time to gather his thoughts, he frowned a little. The last thing he remembered was Ai in his head, making him fall unconscious.

But what happened afterwards?

If what the nurse told him was true, then Tarik had probably beaten her and called triple zero to take Gadiel to the hospital. They had called his parents, because they were his emergency contact on his ID, and that's how they came here from Lebanon in two days.

But could he really trust these events?

As far as he knew, these could be illusions, created by Ai to trap him in his own mind while she did...whatever it is she wanted to do.

But if that were the case, why did she include that little homophobic exchange? That seemed a little too like his mother for an illusion.

But that also might be why she included it in. To make it so real that he wouldn't even question that this world was fake.

Urgh. Gadiel's head was already pounding. Thinking too much made it hurt even more.

Besides, even if this world was fake, it wasn't like he had a way to break out of it. For now, he would just haveto wait and observe.

Which meant...

He looked over at his mum, a weird, sinking feeling in his stomach. She loved him, he knew that. But ever since he was a teenager, discovering himself, he had always wondered how far that love would extend.

He watched, frowning, as his mother looked around surreptitiously, then took out a tupperware container of food.

"Here, have some real food," she said quietly in Arabic. "I can't believe the things they give you in here."

"Mum, the nurse just said I shouldn't eat solids," said Gadiel, also in Arabic, half-amused.

"Psh, what do they know," his mother waved away the order like it was a fly. "They're not the doctor."

Gadiel did not have the energy to fight with his mother. So he didn't. Besides, it was tabbouleh bi dehn. Gadiel could not resist his mother's tabbouleh bi dehn.

"Wait, where's my phone?" Gadiel asked after a while, mouth full of meat and vegetables.

"Oh, the doctors gave it to us when we came," she said. "Your father has it."

A sense of relief flushed through him, only to immediately be replaced with anxiety. What if his father opened his phone? What if he saw his incriminating photos?

Wait, Gadiel didn't have any incriminating photos.

But he did have chat logs with Tarik. About being gay and stuff. What if he saw those?

Wait, why would his dad look through his phone in the first place? No, just calm down, Gadiel really needed to calm down.

"Where is papi anyway?" he asked.

As if summoning him, Gadiel's father immediately walked into the room. He was holding a bag of groceries, and looking down at his phone.

"Hey, papi," said Gadiel, looking up as his dad walked closer. He noticed his mum's phone ding, and she also looked down to look at it.

Gadiel's dad didn't say anything for a moment. He simply stood at the foot of Gadiel's bed, looking at his phone. He didn't even put the groceries down.

"Whatcha looking at?" Gadiel asked, raising an eyebrow. He hadn't expected his dad to act as doting as his mother, but he had expected something at least.

"What," said his dad slowly, turning his phone around to show Gadiel, "is the meaning of this?"

Gadiel blinked as he looked at the picture on the screen. His eyes widened as he realized what it was.

Him and Tarik. Kissing.

He looked up to see his father's furious face, matched by his mother's shocked one.

Oh no.

"Nope, it's not fake," said a familiar, annoying voice, echoing in his head. "All of this is very real."