445 THEIR INSECURITY

Senja slipped inside the room without any difficulty after she opened the window with the red dagger that Xiao Tianyao had given her.

If she thought about it again, it was the same dagger that Xiao Tianyao used to fight Modama in his memory. Senja had an urge to throw it away…

When she entered the room, her eyes caught a sight that hurt her heart.

She watched Xiao Tianyao was leaning his head against the back of the couch with all the missive and parchment scattered on the table.

Senja thought this was the way he escaped from his past, overworking himself. Maybe he wanted to kill himself by overdoing everything…

She shook her head vigorously from that thought, it scared her.

His eyes were closed as the dark circle lingering under them. He lost weight, Senja could see it very clearly. Actually, she did too, these past two weeks was the hardest time for them.

Senja looked at him for a while longer, before she walked away to wander the room, looking for blanket. She found one inside a cabinet and covered him.

After that, she didn't know what to do. So, she sat carefully beside him, pressing her cheek against the back of the couch while looking at Xiao Tianyao's sleeping face.

Her intention was to discuss something with him, but he was sleeping right now. Senja didn't want to wake him up because he looked very tired, she was tired too both mentally and physically.

So she would wait until Xiao Tianyao woke up by himself, usually he was a light sleeper, but somehow he didn't even wake up when Senja brushed her hand on his chiseled face.

She missed him.

Badly.

She gave herself a self deprecation smiled. Pathetic, she even not yet started with the discussion, but her heart was already wavered only by the look of him.

She didn't know if she could love someone so deeply like this, it was like her days to play with other men in the past were never happen.

She loved him and this so hard for now to stay with him. No, when he gave her a cold shoulder instead of discussed the things thoroughly.

Senja knew, it hurt him gravely to learn about the truth, but it had been two weeks and Senja had given him the time and space that he needed.

It was the time they moved from it.

They needed to talk.

And if Xiao Tianyao couldn't start it then Senja would do it.

However, he was sleeping. So nothing Senja could do except waiting for him to wake up.

"It's so hard right? I can feel that… your sadness… your anger… your guilty… I can feel all of that from you." Senja whispered very faintly like the sound of the wind could bring her voice away.

Senja let his calm breath lulled her and later on she found herself succumbed into deep slumber.

Only after Senja's breathe was steady and the hand that caressed his face fell, Xiao Tianyao opened his eyes.

He looked at the ceiling before readied himself to see Senja beside him. She had fallen asleep and looked like nothing could wake her up her lips parted slightly.

Actually, Xiao Tianyao didn't sleep at all, he knew it was Senja the moment she entered the room through the window. He heard her light step.

He knew it was her only by the way she walked.

Her method to enter the room secretly was never changed. It brought a faint smile on his lips, warm his heart a little to know she had made an effort to come for him and her touch…

He missed her, but…

He didn't know what to say or how to face her after all he had done, after all she had seen in his memory.

It must have scared her.

His insecurity ate him alive.

No matter what pretty words he tried to put or thousand excuses that roaming his head to justify his action, the truth that he had killed his own wife brutally was still there.

After two weeks he had become a yellow- bellied poltroon by avoiding her, Senja must have come to talk about it.But, he was still not ready to confront it.

He wanted to bury his memory and forget all that.

They were right when they say he shouldn't open the memory of what had happened six years ago. But, he didn't listen and burst into anger, the worst part was when he hurt Senja in the process.

She even wasn't there when all the crazy things was happening. She wanted to help him, but he shoved her away.

Her broken hearted face was still etched on his eyes every time he closed them when he gave her a harsh replied at the time she was offering her help.

Xiao Tianyao removed the blanket that Senja had put on him and covered her body with it. She curled her body on the couch with weird position. It was only a matter of time before she felt sore.

Thus, carefully he picked her up and cradled her in his arms.

Her purple hair tickled his neck, when he laid her head on the curved of his shoulder. He loved how she was felt so right in his arms. He loved the warm from her body. He loved the way she breathed.

God, he loved all about her…

But, the guilty and his self deprecation was on his way… he was afraid about something. He was confused.

Modama was still alive out there. If he managed to do it once then there was no guarantee he couldn't do it again…

Even though, Senja has the same ability as him, so did Luna… but, she couldn't survive…

The memory of Luna dying in his arms bathed with her own blood was an image that he would bring to the day of his death.

Xiao Tianyao pushed opened the door and found Yang Yu with wide eyes looked at him and Senja in his arms, he couldn't see her face because its buried on his shoulder peacefully, but her purple hair gave away her identity easily.

"Master… I …" He stuttered.

Yang Yu didn't know what had happened between his master and Senja, but Xiao Tianyao's order was very clear to not let Senja entered his room.

But, now…

**What the hell was happening!?** Yang Yu cursed to himself.

His master was actually holding her in his arms while the girl sleeping quietly, oblivious to her surroundings.

Xiao Tianyao didn't say anything or even spared him a glance when he strode over toward his own room and shut the door closed with Yang Yu was still standing awkwardly in front of his door.

He set Senja on the bed and tucked her inside the blanket properly. She looked so tired, this matter must have drained her spirit physically and mentally, that was why she didn't awake.

Xiao Tianyao bent over and kissed her forehead, lingered his kiss a little longer.

He didn't sleep earlier, so he heard what she said despite it was very faint. He mumbled as he answered her. "… I know you do, but I don't want you to feel it."