Chapter 261 - A Different Kind Of Pain

The next morning Delaney slept in until the afternoon.  Ms. Bird came in and tried to wake her but found herself yelled at and told to close the curtains and leave.  Later on, Miles came in to check on her.  Sitting on the other side of the bed he tried to talk to her and convince her to get up and eat something but she wasn't interested.

Her stomach was sick and her head was pounding but worse than that was the ache that had already returned to her heart.  Delaney found herself in tears wondering what she was going to have to do to ever escape it.

"I'm going back to the club tonight," she informed Miles later when she was finally up and dressed.

"What?  Delaney no.  I think you need a night home to get some rest and recover."

"The last thing I need is to be stuck here in this house."

"But after last night..."

"Last night was fun," she argued, "I was having fun with my friends."

"Alright but Delaney you also drank so much you got sick and then you slept the day away today."

"Fine I'll promise to drink less tonight then," she said although she wasn't sure she was going to honor that commitment.

Miles groaned, "Why can't we just spend a night here?  I'm so tired."

"Then go take a nap," she shrugged, "Or don't go.  But I'm going."

That night when she walked down the stairs to leave he was waiting for her as he had been the night before.  Delaney smiled at him but Miles didn't return it.  She knew he wasn't happy with her but she didn't care.  He wasn't the one who had lost the person he loved.

That night Delaney enjoyed her wine and had fun but she knew Miles wasn't and neither was Constance.  She ignored them, not wanting them to bring her down.  Instead, she found a seat at a table and joined a game of cards.  She bought all the men at the table a round of drinks as well.

If her friends weren't going to have fun with her then she would make new friends to have fun with.

That night Miles and Constance made her give up her wine a while before they made her leave.  She was annoyed with them for doing it but it did keep her from getting sick in the carriage on the way home.

Miles again helped her to her room and into bed.  This time he didn't smile as he told her good night.  He looked at her seriously and brushed the curls back off her forehead.

"Everything's going to be alright you know," he whispered as he pulled the blanket up over her shoulder.

Delaney kept her eyes closed and pretended to be asleep, not wanting to talk about it.

He was wrong.  Everything wasn't going to be alright.  If she wasn't going to be with the man she loved then nothing would ever really be alright and there was nothing he could say to change her mind on that.

Like the day before, Delaney slept in very late and was mean to anyone who tried to wake her except Miles.

His concern for her was clear on his face when he came and sat by her.  She had woken up from a dream about her husband and it had left her in tears.

"Do you think the medicine Opal made for Vincent's pain would be able to help mine too?" she asked him quietly, her eyes red from crying.

"I don't know," Miles replied gently, folding a cool, wet, cloth and laying it on her head, "I think... I think yours is a different kind of pain."

Delaney nodded slowly and smashed her eyes shut again.  Tears still managed to make it out.

"I love him so much Miles," she whispered, her voice breaking.

"I know," he sighed, "I know."

-

That night he again tried convincing her not to go out and again she ignored him.  He went with her even though he didn't want to because he was more concerned about what would happen to her if he didn't.

"This isn't going to fix anything Delaney," he said seriously while they were in the carriage on their way.

"You're wrong," she argued without looking at him, "Every night so far that I've been here I've managed to actually be happy."

"You're not really happy.  You're just keeping yourself distracted.  Everything you're trying to run away from is still going to be there when you stop."

-

That night she mostly ignored Miles and Constance and took up her place at Sam's card table again.  The men of the club were now happy to see her and excitedly awaited her buying them drinks.  She did and for at least a little while, they were her friends.

Miles got her home and to bed again, this time having to help her so she wouldn't be sick in her bed.  The maid was visibly annoyed by the trouble the duchess was causing but one icy glare from Miles Adair made her remember her place.

"Leave the door open," he snapped at the girl when she was leaving.

"W-Why?" Delaney asked him in confusion.

"Because I'm going to sleep in here tonight and I don't want any stupid rumors started."

"Why are you going to sleep in here?"

"Because I don't want you to get sick in your sleep or some other foolish thing."

"You're a good brother," Delaney whispered, smiling at him.

Miles sighed and looked down at her in annoyance but his expression softened.

"If I'm a good brother then you should try to be a better sister."

"I am a good sister," she pouted, her words slow and drawn out.

"No Delaney, a good sister would stay home tomorrow night as I've asked for the past nights so I could have a break from worrying about you."

Delaney felt a little guilt eat at her with those words.  She really was punishing Miles in a way for something Vincent had done, not him.  It wasn't fair.  She fell asleep before she could tell him though.

-

The next night like clockwork, the same arguments happened.  Miles met Delaney at the door and stepped in front of her, blocking her way out.

"No Delaney this has been enough."

"I'm fine Miles now let's go."

"I don't want to go!  Why can't we stay home and just have a quiet night?"

"Because I don't want it quiet!  All it is here is quiet and then I can't escape my thoughts!"

"My God Delaney some of those thoughts you can't expect to escape.  You just have to live with them until you heal from it."

"Except I'm not going to heal," she snapped, her voice hoarse, "I'm not going to ever heal from losing your brother.  So this is all I have."

"This isn't life!  You have to try to have a real life."

"My real life was with my husband.  Now I'm just surviving."

Miles groaned loudly in annoyance, running his hands over his face then through his hair as his older brother did.

"You don't have to go," she said quietly, "But I am.  I can't... I can't just sit here all night and think about him.  It hurts too much."

He looked at her with sad green eyes and sighed.

"Alright we can go tonight but Delaney you must promise me that tomorrow we will do something else.  You can't keep going there and doing the things you're doing."

She dropped her eyes, "I don't want to be alone here."

"You won't be," he took her hands in his, "I will be here and Constance can come as well.  We can play cards and make a night of it together.  Or we can do whatever else you want.  But we can't keep going to the club and drinking so much wine.  That's not going to help you."

"Nothing is going to help me."

"I know it feels that way now but if you just give it some time..."

"What do you know about it?" she demanded in annoyance, "You can't argue with me about this Miles, or try to tell me that everything is going to get better because you don't know that.  You've never had someone you love leave you all alone.  You have no idea what it's like."

Miles's gaze was serious and for a moment she thought he was going to argue with her.  She didn't know how he would do that though since she was right.  Finally, he simply nodded and looked away.

"Alright then... Let's go."

She looked at him in confusion but he didn't try to argue anymore with her.  Instead, he took her on his arm and led her to the carriage.  Delaney pushed the care from her mind.  If this was to be her last night escaping her pain then she needed to make the most of it.