Chapter 149 - When The Past Knocks On The Door

His hands moved away from his face allowing me to see him in his vulnerability and sadness. His eyes sparkled for being filled with tears and his face blushed. I caressed his warm cheeks. 

He was showing me a side of himself that he probably kept hiding for too long and now he was ashamed of it. Maybe the reason he wanted to have control of everything was because the only thing he didn't have control of drastically deteriorated.

I wish I could somehow soften up the pain but I knew there was nothing I could do to help him just like there was nothing he could do to make his mother take care of him and prioritize him for once in her life.

She always had put someone else before Cameron, before it was his father even if he kidnapped his son and probably did many other bad things. And now he even put a barely unknowner such as his yoga teacher before him. Destroying his dream of making me meet her.

I understood his behavior now, why he was so reluctant in trusting me at the beginning, and also why he put on that cold surface as protection. He probably had to grow on his own and defend his needs and dreams standing by himself when not even his mother took his side.

I couldn't imagine how bad that would be.

Maybe his swear of not having kids had a way deeper meaning behind it, maybe it was hiding the fear he wouldn't be a good father and he didn't want to raise a kid like he was raised. 

Even if the demons that drained him down in his darkness were strong enough, I would use all my light and hope to save him and not let his past harass him more.

I let him stay in silence for the time he needed until he stood up and slouched closer to me. He leaned his forehead against mine and took a deep sigh. 

"One day we will do it. Keep feeding the flame." He whispered against my lips.

"One day." He repeated.

I smiled as I nodded, "one day it will burn."

He stretched his hand for me to take it and then we walked outside. Manuelito and the other farmers had a concerned look on their faces but when they saw Cameron calm their faces relaxed. Maybe they knew that side of Cameron I only had the benefit of meeting one time on October 10. That auto sabotaging side which took control over him whenever he let his emotions sink too deep.

Manuelito even offered me a thankful smile as if he wanted to show me how grateful he was to me for having contributed to peace Cameron's senses. I returned the smile.

"I will go water the plants," Cameron said.

Manuelito nodded as he gestured to me, "Lily can you help me to harvest the plants?"

I followed Manuelito outside as Cameron waved at me.

We walked to the garden and he began ripping the bad leaves away, then he looked up to me, "Lily Waldorf right?" 

He asked and I nodded, "yes, correct."

"I had seen him once with a woman, he had never told me if she was his girlfriend or not but he was completely different from how he is with you now." 

I wondered who that woman was, maybe Madison?

"What do you mean different?" I asked curiously.

"He was tensed, concerned, now with you he's himself, doesn't seem scared of showing himself for who he is and I can read it in his gaze how much he loves you."

I smiled, my cheeks heated and I unconsciously tilted my head to the side in approbation. It felt so great to hear how special I was to him. I could never get tired of hearing it.

Just thinking of Cameron reminded me he wasn't there and I already began to miss him, how crazy was that?

"I love him too. A lot." I sighed, "It hurts seeing him sad for things he can't control nor change." 

Manuelito nodded, as he dug a hole in the soil.

"He had suffered a lot, Lily. If you want to stay with him for the rest of your life you have to deal with this dark passenger of him and be there for him whenever his past knocks at the door. Trust me, the love he will pay you back with will be unconventional unique, and infinite." 

I understood what Manuelito was trying to tell me undirectedly. He was informed that dealing with him and what he went through, soaking the pain he had been carrying for too long would be hard.

Cameron probably never had someone enough trustworthy to share his problems with and that was the reason why he took him so long before opening up.

But if I succeeded and my love was strong enough to deal with that then Cameron would probably thank me with love and devotion just like he did until now.

Even if he pretended to have everything under control and his life was perfect he deeply down was fighting against a huge monster called traumatic childhood.

"Trust me." I said speaking with my heart in my hand; "I am not willing to let him go. I love him so much and I will do my best to be there for him when he needs me."

Manuelito smiled gratefully and caressed my shoulder, "you're a good one. I hope you guys will make it."

He didn't know how much I wished that too, we will make it, we will defeat his past just like we defeated his rules. It may take a little time but I was sure our love would be strong enough.

"We will make it," I said confidently as I placed my hand on my chest and took a deep breath. I will fight by his side against his demons of the past and God only knew how much I was determined to defeat them.. Because my love for my man was much stronger than them.