Chapter 136 - Darkness

I hugged him tightly, what a terrible thing to do to your son. I couldn't explain the mix of emotions I felt in that moment and how those penetrated inside me whimpering me in a compound of negative feelings.

"When he came back home he changed for her, turning in the perfect husband my mother could ever have. Not because he felt guilty or because he wanted to be a better person or for being forgiven for having kidnapped be. But only to manipulate my mother in thinking he had changed."

He shut his eyes and massaged his forehead, "my mom believed his attentions were genuine. He began to drink again, once he earned his trust again and persuaded her with his attentions. He didn't only become an alcoholic but soon began hitting my mother too. But this time she bore his attitude because she still hoped and hung on the chance of him changing again."

That's crazy, how people can be manipulative and at the same time, others can be so vulnerable and easily manipulated just because they are so blind in love.

I felt on the verge of exploding in sadness and madness at the same time. 

I understood now the reason behind his distrust in love if he grew with such a toxic father like his father. 

"He stopped to hurt her and to be so cruel only when he got sick of pneumonia. So he could barely get up from bed and my mother took care of him. She even asked me to take care of him when she was away but I didn't, I only checked on him from time to time and brought him food or water but besides that, I cut him off my life to the point he was only a stranger to me. My heart had no affection but only hatred and rancor reserved for him."

His forehead creased in an angry facial expression and I felt the need to hug him tightly.

"I am so sorry, I am. You didn't deserve that as a kid."

He caressed my back and tug his head on my shoulder as I kept squeezing him as if he was my only certainty in the entire world. 

If only I could heal all the cruel things he had to go through during the years, if only I could soften up the pain with this hug, I would never stop hugging him until his heart would be fully drained by all the terrible things he survived. 

Now I understood his coldness, why he was so strict about human interaction -also scared of it- why he wanted to keep everything under control and why he so hardly trusted people. It was because of his past.

He lifted his head from my shoulder and caressed my cheek, his eyes still filled with tears.

"That's why I said you're my light, Lily."

He swallowed down so loudly as if the lump in his throat held all the things he had never overcome.

"Because I still feel like I am in that dark cold room sometimes. But now I see a light in that darkness. That light is you."

He whispered, my heart beat loudly and my chest ached in both love and sadness leaving me shattered by emotions.

It was so painful to look at his eyes right now.

"I am so happy I had met you and I hope you never leave me in my darkness anymore." 

"I will never do. Promise." I whispered, leaning forward to smile. 

We kissed in the sweetest overwhelming kiss we could ever share. Then we finished breakfast, We dressed up and we both walked quietly in our cars after cheering.

That day was special to me, we may haven't had any intimate activity but he shared with me something so important that I had felt closure with me even more than any intimacy would have provided me.

When I drove back home, Joanna was smiling like an idiot, she wore a long oversize white shirt I had never seen her wear in all those years and the table was filled with way too much food for only one person.

I heard a noise coming from upstairs and when I looked up I spotted Justin walking out of his room. 

I widened my eyes in shock, darting my gaze between him and then back to my best friend.

Did they...?

"Good morning," Joanna said and I wondered who she referred to, me or him.

She looked at me so I replied, "hi to the both of you. Have you slept well?" I asked raising my eyebrows. I couldn't wait for her to tell me everything.

"Hmmm hmmm," she nodded before leaning the cup closer to her lips and taking a few sips. 

"Good," I gestured to my room, "I am going to my..."

Joanna nodded, "yes,"

I bit my inner cheek to avoid a laugh escaping from my lips when they shared a glance and blushed.

I walked to my room and waited -non so- patiently for Justin to leave so that I could finally hear what had happened between those two.

After about half an hour, Justin finally left and I walked down hastily to throw my friend with all the questions I had been wondering since I put two and two together figuring out something had happened that night.

"What's going on?" I took a deep breath, "did you two do something this night? Did you enjoy it? Was he sweet? Did you guys wash the bedsheets after right?"

Maybe the last question should have stayed in my mind, but she laughed at it so I joined her laugh.

"Yes, we washed the bedsheets." She replied before taking a few seconds to proceed with her thoughts and mentally prepare a satisfying answer which would solve all my doubts.

A smile appeared on her face and she sat at the edge of the bed.

She took a long breath and finally opened her mouth to answer me.