Chapter 24

Episode 24: I Hate You Beyond Hatred

“Leaving you is the only way I can be happy.”

“I’ll make you happy. I’ll make you happy next to me. So, Chloe. Huh? Don’t just say such scary things about leaving me. Without you, Chloe, I…….”

Seeing that he could not allow me to leave until the end, a bashful smile burst out.

He said he wanted my happiness with his mouth, but in the end, he was a person whose own happiness came before mine.

“Until the end, are you saying you won’t let me go?”

“……How can we live without looking at each other?”

“…….”

“I told you I love you. I love you, Chloe. I’m in love with you. So stop saying you’re leaving.”

The love that I’ve been longing for so much in the past life……. His love…….

A man whose own happiness comes before my happiness is telling me he loves me. His drooping eyes had a sad shape, enough to shake my heart for a moment.

He walked to me, hugging my wrist gently and whispering in a more friendly voice than ever before, “Is it because of the time I didn’t accept your love? That’s why I am saying I’ll give you love from now on. Or are you still resenting me for that man’s child?”

I thought I heard something wrong, so I stood there and stared at him blankly. Taking advantage of my stiffness, he carefully raised one hand and swept my cheek.

“This time, I’ll make you happy. Let’s officially become a family. You and I, the two of us…… No, if you want, let’s have a child who looks like you. The child’s name …… Estelle. Yes, would Estelle be better?”

The moment my little Estelle’s name came out of his mouth,

Crash—

The remaining fragments of all my old feelings were broken.

‘Do you want to have a new child? Then will you stop crying?’

His words, in the time which had disappeared, that made me cry even more miserably after losing Estelle, echoed. In the end, nothing has changed about him. He didn’t even realize that he had trampled on me. The moment I realized it, my hand moved before my words.

Slap!

With a small thwack, his head turned to the other side.

“Chloe…..?”

He looked at me with disbelief.

“I’ll correct it.”

He was a man not worth talking to anymore. But I couldn’t help but say this, “I hate you beyond hatred.”

* * *

I had to betray Raymond’s expectations of seeing him again at lunch. My head, which had been hot all night, was now submerged coldly.

A man whose happiness is more important than mine. A man who dares to put love in his mouth on such a subject.

Even if it was true that he loved me, that he realized it too late, I could never love him.

‘The child’s name …… Estelle. Yes, would Estelle be better?’

In short, he was a terrible man who trampled on Estelle’s existence. The man was hateful, it was disgusting. I wanted to destroy the man who trampled on my little Estelle. I wanted to destroy him with my own hands.

But now I couldn’t even run away from him, let alone destroy him. From Kailos’ attitude, who doesn’t even understand my anger, he will never let me go.

‘If you need my help to be happy, tell me anything.’

I remembered another man who put my happiness first.

Raymond told me if there was anything he could do to help, but it was difficult to find him willingly. The guilt that filled my heart grabbed my ankle.

‘If I’m not angry, that’s a lie. But there’s you who cries for me.’

But when I remembered his last moment, when he had to die miserably because of me, I choked up and something came up.

I have no intention of acting as bait for Kailos any more, but even if it wasn’t me, he still had a chance to destroy Raymond.

The loss of Estelle cannot be reversed, but again, Raymond could not be killed as he was then. I jumped up and ran straight to the guest room where Raymond was staying.

“Your Majesty.”

I took a short breath and looked up at him. Raymond, who leaned crookedly through the open door, smiled slowly and looked down at me.

“Yes, Chloe.”

His thick palm wrapped around my face.

“Did you find a way to be happy?”

“…….”

I came to him recklessly with a feeling of overwhelming emotion, but when I saw his face, I couldn’t figure out what to say.

First of all, keep him away from Kailos…… So that he won’t be helpless as he was in the past……. Let him know that Kailos wanted to harm him and become the emperor.….

And then…

And then….?

Even an emperor wouldn’t be able to defeat Kailos without any evidence.… Then what should I do…… What should I do to make him……. No, more than that…… What should I do to make him say…… I’ll believe you.…. What should I do…….

“Chloe.”

As I was lost in my tangled thoughts, Raymond quietly called out my name.

“Breathe in and out slowly and calm down. Yes, that’s right.”

His palms caressed my cheeks as if to soothe me, then they came down and patted my shoulder.  Following his gentle touch, I inhaled and exhaled slowly.

“How do you feel? Have you calmed down now?”

“…..Thank you, Your Majesty.”

I was calmed by his calm voice but I could barely calm my confused mind.

“So, what’s the happiness you found?”

Happiness… It was a word that was so far away from me that I couldn’t dare to chase. But at this moment, I could be sure of what I wanted.

“I need your help, Your Majesty. But before that…….”

“Just come in for now.”

Raymond led me into the room and closed the door. There was a low silence in the room where it was just me and Raymond.

Raymond sat on the edge of the bed leaving me behind. A long time ago, it was the bed where I and he put our bodies together in the time that no longer exists.

“You can keep talking.”

Looking at only the bed where he was sitting, I came to my senses and looked at him.

“I have a confession to make to your Majesty. I’m the woman my uncle, Kailos, made to send you. To seduce and destroy Your Majesty, to make him emperor.”

My heart, which had barely calmed down, began to pound again.

Will he really believe me? No matter how hard, it is about his half-brother, Kailos, the illegitimate child of a nobleman, I mean……?

I glanced anxiously at him in anxiety, but Raymond remained still and listened to me without changing his expression. Encouraged by this, I continued to speak in a clearer voice.

“So it was all planned. That I grew up to suit your taste, meeting you and then spending the night with your Majesty at the New Year’s festival. It’s all Kailos’ plan.”

“Why are you telling me that, Chloe?

Raymond didn’t get angry. Instead, he asked in an indifferent voice.

“It’s a remark that could even make you in danger if my mood is twisted.”

It was so calm that I wondered if he probably didn’t believe me. I swallowed my saliva and opened my lips that didn’t fall off and brought up the next word.

“…I need your help.”

The moment I dared to give him help, a pungent sense of guilt hit my heart again.

It’s “help” because it’s a good word, but maybe this is also using him for my needs. For Kailos…… as in the last time I deceived him…….

“That’s why I’m trying to make a deal.”

In the past and this life, I eventually use him. However, I didn’t want to deceive him anymore. I, who didn’t have the audacity to get his help without paying anything, tried to defend myself under the name of “transaction.”

“A deal?”

He asked back, frowning around his eyes.

“Yes, it’s a deal.” If Your Majesty helps me, I will also…….”

His eyes shook aimlessly toward me. The gaze that had nowhere to go hovered in the air. I raised my chin to be a little more brazen.

“Arrogant, Chloe.”

Raymond moved his hand slowly. I got a little closer according to his gesture.

“I don’t do business with you. I don’t need this information. I’ve already said I’d help you.”

I was a little embarrassed. Naturally, I thought he would inquire in detail angrily about Kailos’ plan, but he didn’t for some reason.

In the past timeline, he had been killed by Kailos. I didn’t want his death to repeat this time.

But Raymond took it so lightly that it made me nervous and frustrated.

“However, Your Majesty…….”

“Stop.”

Standing up from his seat, he asked, lifting the tip of my chin. Naturally, my gaze went up.

“What do you want?”

The terrible pressure I felt when I first saw him wrapped around my body.

“…… All I want is one thing.”

I looked up at him as if possessed and opened my lips.

“I want to wrench his neck pretending to be sweet.”

Kailos, the fall of that man.

The man who saved me, deceived me, and eventually killed me. The man who killed the man in front of me and took away my little Estelle. Two innocent lives died because of that man, and because of me.

I thought this was probably the way to pay for the sins I had done in my last life.

“I want to avenge. If you use me, Your Majesty will be able to destroy him. Just as Kailos tried to bait His Majesty, His Majesty uses me as bait. I’ll be your bait.”

“No, Chloe.”

But Raymond denied my words at once, overshadowing my determination.

“That’s not your happiness.”

The hot heat swept around my eyes. Tears flowing down my cheeks wet my dress.

“However, I….”

I couldn’t understand Raymond. Why does he want my happiness? I… I…… What I really want is…….

* * *

T/N: I read this novel till chp 120 I didn’t read the side stories yet….ngl this is the best novel out there I loved the way how I cried, felt touched….I just can’t say it in words….I like how Chloe is totally confused on how to make plan in saving the Emperor…I mean this is what should happen when a person travels back in time….the whole thing is so confusing, baffling that it makes you hard to make any strong plans