Chapter 21

Episode 21: Old Habits

Kailos came to his senses and discovered that he had traveled back in time amid a chaotic tangle of memories.

He couldn’t remember his last memories before he had gone back in time. The more he tried to remember, the thicker the voice grew and his headache got worse.

Instead of thinking of his past life, Kailos began to take care of Chloe, who was sick.

“Chloe…”

She was always lively and beautiful in his memory, but the woman lying in front of him was quite thin.

“Still, she’s alive…….”

It wasn’t a dream, whenever he tried to think of the future, he had a headache. Everything he went through is reality.

“Stay alive, Chloe…… My Chloe…….”

He thought he might look a little crazy when he muttered to himself, but Kailos didn’t care about anything.

Chloe is alive, that alone made the whole world feel warm.

I will never repeat foolish things in this returned life. When the fever drops and she opens her eyes, I should be nicer than ever. I need to love and cherish her a lot.

As soon as she opens her eyes, I will see the face smiling brightly at me again. When I thought so, my heart began to beat.

“Ugh…Uh…Uh…….”

Kailos, who was still watching her face, was surprised by the sound of her groaning and wiped her hot forehead with a cold towel.

“You were so sick, how did you endure it in the past?”

His past self, who turned a blind eye to her pain, was insanely disgusting. The doctor didn’t really find the cause of her illness, perhaps spending the night with the Emperor at the New Year’s festival shocked her body and mind.

Damn, this is all because of him(emperor).

……No, it’s not because of him, it was because of me.

The doctor said she had a slight fever just before New Year’s Day, but she never showed it in front of me, because she always wanted to look good to me. She probably hid the fact that she was sick on purpose because she didn’t want to ruin his plan.

“I won’t do the same thing again,” Kailos murmured as if he were determined, capturing Chloe with his sickly sunken eyes.

But that promise began to creak from the moment Chloe opened her eyes.

Chapter 3: So, Don’t Love Me.

I couldn’t watch Kailos crying on the floor. Not because he was pitiful, but because he was disgusting.

After taking away my young Estelle like that and making it impossible for me to live anymore. I didn’t want to see him saying that he loves me now. I’ve already been fooled by him countless times, I wanted to stop now.

After passing through the hallway, I came out. I didn’t want to go back to my room where I left Kailos. I wish he wasn’t there when I go back, but since everything in this Duchy is his, even my room felt disgusting.

The cold air of a winter night enveloped my skin. I didn’t want to cry in front of him anymore, but my whole face stung because of the tears that flowed, out of the owner’s will.

“The air is cold, Lady Garnet.”

With a low voice, a thick cloak fell on my shoulders. I turned my head slowly and looked at the other person. It was Lord Enoch France’s third encounter with me since I went back in time.

“Lord France….”

I took a step back and widened my distance from him. His gentle gaze turned towards me, it was only then that I realized that I came out in a thin one-piece. Belatedly feeling the cold, my body trembled.

“Excuse me for a moment.”

With a gentle voice, he approached carefully. A delicate touch firmly tightened the front of the cloak. Then he stepped back immediately and told me, “Staying outside for a long time in that dress will harm Lady Garnet’s health.”

“Thank you, but I don’t want to go back to my room yet.”

Lord France looked quite embarrassed at my faint but determined answer. I felt weird, Lord France is sincerely concerned about me.

Why does he always do this kind of favor for me…..

“Then I will guide you to a place other than your room.”

“No, I’ll stay here a little longer and go in. I appreciate your concern, but it’s okay.”

I was curious, was he watching me the whole time? How did he come to me as soon as I came out?

“…..Then, is it okay to stay by your side until then?”

Instead of suggesting I go in one more time, he asked for permission to stay next to me. I turned around without answering, as I walked along the paved road, I heard footsteps following me a few steps behind.

I’m sure he saw my swollen red eyes, but I was grateful he did not ask anything.

Lord Enoch France was originally that kind of person. A person who stays still as if he quietly keeps his place. Strangely enough, his existence comforted me at this moment.

As I walked wherever I could, a dark entrance to the garden appeared, a white lamp was lighting up the surroundings. When I stopped walking for a while, Lord France lowered the lamp hanging at the entrance and handed it over to me.

“Thank you,” I answered calmly and stared at him. The calm smiling face particularly disturbed my vision. I struggled to turn my head and walk inside the garden.

After traveling back in time, it was the first place I set my feet. Here, where I had cared for Kailos, he sat another woman on his lap and kissed her, while trampling all my efforts and sincerity.

The cool winter leaves rustled and touched my fingertips that stretched out slowly. A sharp pain ran through my fingertips and soaked my heart. Why does it hurt so much?

When I clasped my hand, a green winter tree leaf crushed in my grasp. It didn’t relieve my frustration, so I clasped my hand harder and harder. Thin veins stood on the back of my clenched hand.

“Lady Garnet.”

Lord France, who was a few steps away, approached me and handed me a handkerchief. I alternated my gaze between his handkerchief and my fist. He patiently waited for me, it wasn’t long before I opened my fist.

The thorns of the winter tree were as sharp as they were cold. My palm, scratched by a thorn, was bleeding.

I guess I’m crazy. Seeing that even though the flesh is torn, it doesn’t hurt as much as it feels cooler.

“…….”

As I silently blinked my eyes without taking his handkerchief, a low sigh leaked through his lips. When I looked up in surprise at him, there was Lord France, who crumpled the ends of his eyes with an embarrassed expression as before.

“Lady Garnet takes a lot of work.”

“I never asked Lord France to reach out.”

His words sounded like he was blaming me, so I responded in a defensive manner.

“That’s right, so it’s all because of me who can’t let it go.”

His gently stretched out hand wrapped around my wrist. As if dealing with a glass doll that breaks when touched incorrectly, a delicate and careful touch wiped away my wound.

Nevertheless, looking down at my hands stained with blood, he slightly frowned. I was amazed by his appearance, so I glanced up at him.

He took out the ointment he was carrying and applied it to my hand. When his handkerchief was wrapped around my hand, I thought the handkerchief wrapped around my hand and the situation was quite familiar.

Finally, after the treatment, he raised his head and made eye contact with me, and let go of my hand in bewilderment.

“Lady Garnet……?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I was staring at you too much.”

A small laugh burst out. He blushed as if embarrassed. It was also amazing, Lord France, frowning, embarrassed and blushing.

“It’s my first time talking to Lord France this much…….”

I glanced down at the handkerchief he had wound around, blurring the end of my words. A thin layer of blood was dripping from between the white handkerchief. Even if it is washed clean, it will not return to its original color.

“A handkerchief must be rewarded with something better…… Lord France?”

When I looked up again, there was Lord France, who was turning his head with one hand covering his face, which had turned red.

“I’m sorry, I’m just…….” Lord France stuttered, sweeping down his face once.

“I don’t want to repeat the same regret…….”

“What?”

“…….”

For a moment, I couldn’t understand what he said, so I tilted my head.

I think Lord France was a more shy person than I’ve ever known. I thought he was just a silent knight who quietly did his own work. His appearance today changed my mind a little.

“I talked too much. If it was too much interference…… I’m sorry.”

His attitude of apologizing in such a serious manner made me burst into laughter.

“What are you talking about?”

When I covered my mouth and laughed, he stared at me.

“…….”

While laughing out loud, I stopped laughing and turned my head awkwardly in embarrassment.

“Lady Garnet.”

“…….”

“I think you look more beautiful when you smile.”

Suddenly, I realized a fact from what he said.

……I laughed.

After going back in time, I was able to smile comfortably for the first time.

“Ah…”

With a small exclamation, the tears that had stopped burst again.

“Lady Garnet?”

He called my name again in embarrassment. I sobbed over him who didn’t know what to do. I laughed and sobbed, but there was no crying.

Suddenly, what Raymond told me came to mind.

‘Like this, I’m asking if you cried like swallowing a sound.’

I guess it was my habit that I didn’t know either. Come to think of it, when was the last time I cried out loud?

I was a child in a faint memory. The man I called my father was angry at me, I don’t even remember his face now, but I only remember that he was a very warm man a long time ago.

The man shouted at my cry and threw things. It was a woman who was hit by the object, Mother. The only woman who didn’t let go of my hand until the end and who loved me.

Looking at a woman sobbing with blood on her head, I covered my mouth with both hands. I couldn’t stop crying, so I covered my mouth and cried.

I wanted to regain my sense of crying out loud as I had a long time ago, but no matter how hard I tried, there was no sound. Only the sobbing resonated into the air, a sound that no one could hear.

* * *

Comments from Korean readers:

It’s my first time seeing a group regression, so who’s going to kill that bastard first?

It’s like the author hired a tour bus. (A trip back in time!!)

Yes, let’s go to lord France!

No, is it all starting again? That’s a very new development ㅋ

Lord Enoch France came back, too. But I guess he liked the female lead even before he came back.