Chapter 394

……

Sun Wen sat alone on the hillside with his hands on his knees and a cigarette between his fingers, but he just kept holding it all the time and didn't pass it to his mouth.

The soot grows longer, like a burning hope.

The wind blows close to the ground from a distance, past the verdant vegetation and past events, blowing the long soot and rising wisps of smoke away together.

The family arranged a blind date for him. The top students who came back from the big cities are always in demand, but none of them can succeed - he really can't.

I went to the hospital secretly. The doctor said it was a psychological problem. He didn't know whether it was a sequela of being taken care of, or the child taken away by Xu Wei, or something else.

In a word, he can't do it, and he doesn't want to do it again.

Yes, no matter who he marries in the village, he destroys the family.

So he was taken for granted as a monster -

he couldn't say that he had two children outside, one son and one daughter.

He didn't even see them. He didn't know where they were. He didn't know how they were now. He didn't even know when their birthday was. He only knew that it was probably in winter.

Maybe I'm really a monster Sun Wen himself felt that he did not live like an individual. At the beginning, he tried his best to get out of the mountain village and go to the big city. He wanted to get ahead and leave the small mountain village forever.

However, in the end, he came back, with the scars outside, and turned into a monster.

For more than ten years, and finally back to the origin, for what?

He didn't understand.

The original dream now looks like a joke. If you can do it again, maybe you shouldn't go to any university from the beginning. It's the best choice to stay here and find a woman to get married and have a son, and continue the circle of parents.

Wife and children hot Kang, very good, but for now he is also a luxury.

The last spark was left on the cigarette end between his fingers. Sun Wen raised his hand and took a fierce puff. The burning pungent smell of the filter mouth poured into his throat, making his thin face wrinkle, but he didn't spit it out. Instead, he took a deep breath, felt the pungent smell of his lungs, threw the cigarette end to the ground, crushed it, and then patted his ass and stood up.

However, when he was in his thirties, the back of the strong man was already bent. His clothes were hanging loosely on his body, and his face was no longer full of vigor. The wind and the sun made him a rough man, leaving only vicissitudes.

Ignorance is a kind of happiness, because they don't ask for much. The price of wheat has gone up by three points, and the price of pork has gone down by more than one piece, which can make them happy. Sun Wen envies them now, the people in the village, the people he looked down upon before.

In the distance, cooking smoke rises from the broken temple. He looks down the hillside and walks towards it. This habit is learned from Xu Wei. She always goes to Datong temple on the outskirts of Los Angeles on the 15th day of the first day of junior high school. He used to scoff at it, but now he has become a devout believer.

Because there he can feel the inner peace.

In the dead of night, when he couldn't sleep, he always thought of the two children. He imagined that the two dolls were called dada. Their short legs and arms were so thin that they crawled around him. Then he felt a pain in his heart. It was like being stabbed on the tip of his heart by a knife. The blood trickled out and it was cold.

The night is like a big hand squeezing him, making him breathless, trying to curl himself up in the dust.

Sun Wen lit a small handful of incense candle and gently waved it twice to extinguish the flame. He put it into the censer and watched the smoke rise and float to the Buddha statue.

"Do you want to eat together?"

At this time, it was almost dusk, and the temple vegetarian dishes were ready. The old monk had only made his own share, but now he was ready to divide half of it.

"Thank you."

Sun Wen did not refuse and followed him to the backyard.

The dishes are Chinese cabbage. The old monk grows them on the hillside, and the porridge is millet porridge. He buys them on the hillside - or half buys them and half gives them away.

Some people in the nearby villages believe in Buddhism, some don't believe it, and some are dubious. Sometimes when they want to do something, they will send some steamed bread or rice noodles to the old monk. They say: Master, let Buddha bless me. Sell more money and let Buddha bless my child to be the first in the exam. It's a thought.

There isn't much porridge. It's even less if two people share a bowl. Sun Wen can even drink it up in two mouthfuls, but he didn't do that. He took the cold steamed bread from the old monk and chewed it slowly with chopsticks.

When he was in Los Angeles, he also went to Datong temple with Xu Wei to eat vegetarian food, but the vegetarian food there is much better than here. The vegetarian chicken and duck, and all kinds of dishes are not inferior to the hotel.

It's just that there's no peace at the moment.

At sunset, two people are sitting on wooden benches in the backyard of the dilapidated temple, quietly eating dinner. The wind blows in from the door, bringing a bit of cool to the summer dusk.

After putting the last mouthful of porridge into his mouth, Sun Wen got up to wash his bowl. Seeing that there was not much water in the bucket, he drew two buckets of water from the well. Now that the village has been supplied with tap water, there is only this antique here, which is not easy to use. Occasionally there is no water. At that time, he needs to go to the village far away to carry water and push it with a small unicycle Come back.The outside world is changing with each passing day, but it doesn't affect the small temple in the valley. Everything stays decades ago, which makes Sun Wen feel unreal when he was a child.

He likes the feeling.

"Is there really any immortal Buddha in this world?"

After that thank you, Sun Wen said a second sentence, which broke the tranquility of the ancient temple.

The old monk looked at him, shook his head and said, "I don't know."

"Here you are..." Sun Wen pursed his lips and didn't know what word to use.

"I'm used to it." The old monk understood what he meant and patted his patched clothes. "Where else can I go?"

“……”

Sun Wen said nothing.

I thought I was a hermit, but I didn't expect that I was just an old man who couldn't struggle.

Habit is really a terrible thing. You can't ask for it when you want it.

He also wanted to get used to the present life, but he always thought of the things left outside.

"I can see that you are different from them."

The old monk took a tattered Futon to the door, sat down to enjoy the cool, looked at the distance and said: "there are some things, maybe you can tell me, anyway, I'm almost going to the earth, I can't take anything away, I can't leave anything." He glanced at Sun Wen. "I haven't seen what the outside world looks like yet."

"Outside It's all demons out there. "

Sun Wen smiles, and the corners of his mouth move his face. It looks stiff.

He looked around, pulled a futon, and sat down in front of the door. His back was leaning against the doorframe, and his face was filled with memories.

I once betrayed my partner.

Destroyed someone's marriage.

I left my dignity behind.

And competitors make black.

And two kids I can't recognize.

And a free and unrestrained woman.