CH 55.1

Once, there was this saying on Earth,

Confess if you like; force it if you’re rejected.

At worst, you get jail time, and if you can’t even stand jail time,

How dare you say you love her?!

——Murong Jihua would just like to give the scum who would say that a big loving slap on their face-

The heck is this extremely twisted perverted saying?!

So, lying directly besides He Jünle with a body pillow between them, Murong Jihua feels more like there are ten thousand mountains and thousands of skies between them.

(23:00:00) He Jünle takes his terminal out!

(23:00:25) He Jünle opens up his vv chat screen!

(23:01:01) He Jünle opens the 25th portrait in a category named “cuties”!

The style of the portrait suggests the account is owned by a girl!

(23:02:05) He Jünle’s lips have risen 12° on the right! At the same time, his thumb begins his 26-Key typing adventure——

(23:02:15) He Jünle has been sent a cute! Little! Emoji! from the other person!

(23:05:00) Murong Jihua concludes – No man can stand this anymore!

Although, in his mind, the horn for the battle of capturing He Jünle has already sounded, yet in action, Murong Jihua’s fight isn’t exactly that smooth.

He shakily retrieves his own terminal from under the pillow, and his trembling fingers only successfully unlock the terminal after two tries. He shiveringly pushes opens the big pure-love text file sent from butler Cui, and his fingers continue wobbling while quickly typing in the keywords to search for,

“Bed,” “Bend,” “Night,” “Confess,” “Flirt”…

Thereafter, a pure love novel, called ‘106 Ways to Bend A Little White Fox’ jumps into Murong Jihua’s view.

Ok, that’s it!

There actually is a chapter in that novel where the protagonist and his beloved little fox were chatting underneath the blankets on the bed, which served as the catalyst that cemented their feelings for each other——

After careful scrutiny, Murong Jihua only feels like tonight is the right time, the right place, the right people, with the right amount of fortune. So when if not now?

And thus, he announces inside, ‘let’s go!’

Right after saying his good nights to a girl, He Jünle is about to exit his chat screen and push open the 26th portrait of the girls on his chat window to say more good nights, when a pair of hands wrap lightly around his waist.

“…”

“I thought you didn’t want to brawl tonight.”

Murong Jihua almost chokes on his saliva, especially when, at this angle, he can clearly see the contents on He Jünle’s terminal screen——

A cute, soft little girl with a bunny for an icon, is currently happily spewing bubbles of glee for He Jünle having contacted her to say good night. All three emojis just scream sweetness.

Murong Jihua “…”

“Le-gege, did you know that, being good to one girl is called a good man; being good to endless amount of girls all at once is called making hotpot.”

“…”

“…”

Murong Jihua’s eyes drift to the side a little as he answers,

“Not endless amount.

Up to this day, there have only been 64.”

One is most frightened when the air suddenly goes quiet.

Murong Jihua feels like he’s suddenly out of fighting strength.

Fortunately, He Jünle isn’t focused on him right now, so he still has the opportunity to open his novel text file open and continue following the guide——

“Stop chatting with them. You can have all my colas and sweets, but, I want to have you.”

He Jünle does finally stop typing, and Murong Jihua can even feel his body tensing up a little bit too.

Before he could happily declare that the high-maintenance gang leader is finally reacting——He Jünle slaps him right back down to earth.

“I don’t drink colas.”

“… Why?”

“Clashing names.”

“?”

“My name also has the ‘le’ character.” (TL: Coca-cola is “Kekou Kele” in Chinese)

“…”

“Did you know that the dynastic Emperors would tear their hair out for that?”

“You…”

“What kind of face is that?” He Jünle is suddenly chuckling as he asks, while the light on his terminal screen goes out as he shuts it down, before continuing,

“I wonder who was the guy that lied to me last time in the hotel telling me that I’m the emperor and he’s the eunuch, hmm?

Speaking of which, you were pretty convincing as a eunuch.”

… Oh, was he, then?

Murong Jihua feels like one day, Le-gege will finally drive him mad.

Does he have a buff called ‘no matter how the fuck Murong Jihua tries to flirt he’ll be staunchly unflinching’?

Oh, how can he ever top this? He can never top this.

For half an hour following this——

The Attack: There are countless jobs in this world, but why did you have to be a thief to steal his heart first?

The Defence: I am an omnipotent genius and so I can also do all the other countless jobs.

The Attack: You’re in my bowl now, so you should be my pork belly meat forever.

The Defence: I am 89% lean, I believe I am beneath the standard for pork belly meat in Country A.

The Attack: I want to be the one sharing a bed with you, the cat in your embrace, the immortal in your mind.

The Defence: You are already sleeping next to me; I am allergic to cats; I am a firm believer of a material world.

Murong Jihua can only go ‘… Please stop demolishing my words!’

His temper being ground to dust already, Murong Jihua just pulls the blanket over and abandons all pretense, while He Jünle makes a hearty laughter while shaking Murong Jihua about even though the guy is now too lazy to move.

Topping is impossible! Let’s just all go home whence they came already.

Oh right, instead of home, he’ll be headed to Meng Po instead.

He Jünle light sweeps his gaze around before suddenly leaning in and drags the corner of the blanket away forcefully, whispering right into Murong Jihua’s ears with warm breath touching his earlobe,

“No time for games, Murong. Don’t you feel that something is off?”

“…”

Murong Jihua’s eyelashes are moving, but he does not speak.

“Want to take a guess what Her Highness Elizabeth is doing right now?”

Murong Jihua makes a light ‘hmph,’ and leaps off the bed. Without wearing his slippers, he heads right for the door and puts his hand on the doorknob.

Then, he tilts his head a little, raising the index finger of his other free hand to his lips, telling him “shh——”

——As his right hand pushes hard on the handle.

“Here she is!”

Princess Elizabeth, listening in on them by leaning on the door, falls into the bedroom with a ‘thump.’

“Aiya——”

She sits up and puts her face into her cheeks for support, speaking with an inelegance of someone about to cry that definitely does not befit her status,

“Mu-dage es demasiado rude! Yo really cannot suppress my curiosity for life perfecta, and I definitely did no mean to escuchar on you~!”

Ha. Ha. As if.

Murong Jihua gestures to He Jünle, who is sitting on the bed with his arms crossed.

Receiving the signal, he quietly chuckles before falling down to the side very unfrankly.

——And also ‘unfortunately’ bringing down the vase by the bed in his act, too.

“Ah! Lele! What is wrong with you, Lele!” Murong Jihua cries out dramatically, walks over to the bed dramatically with his arms raised dramatically, pulling He Jünle out of the soft bed dramatically while dramatically yelling,

“Oh Lords, Lele is too exhausted and has fainted! Oh Jesus, I cannot have forgotten that his body can never have withstood such a degree of hardship!”

——By the way, it shouldn’t be illegal to feel up the waist a little like this, right?

Of course, it’s not illegal.

Though He Jünle’s beautiful brows furrow slightly, he does not make any noise;

Murong Jihua takes a deep breath before turning to lambaste Her Highness,

“Your Highness! It is but with deep regret that I do not allow you to personally eavesdrop! My Lele is meek and weak, and naturally sensitive to women! You see, as soon as you appear at the door, he has fainted from exhaustion and shock!”

Meek? Weak? Sensitive to women?

Every word coming out of Murong Jihua’s mouth makes He Jünle’s eyelids twitch. He feels like his whole face hurts.

Don’t ask. It’s just his muscles acting up from him trying to hold his laughter in.

“If you keep acting like this, how are we supposed to keep going with the procreation experiment? What if he fails to be impregnated because of shock from you? What if all the semen ends up dying in shock from you?”

“Lo-, lo siento,” says Her Highenss with a QAQ face, perhaps actually feeling remorseful for once. Her usual face that is either insanely yandere or a business smile really is showing——guilt.

The young old man Ni Haofan, behind her, almost has his glasses scared flying off from this.

——Although he feels like CEO Murong is spouting nonsense with crocodile tears right now, but the paid worker-slave Ni Haofan decides not to mention anything.

“As long as you are aware, now,” Murong Jihua nods while holding He Jünle closer, and continues,

“You Highness, you should be informed that I did not admonish you out of the blue. It is just that this is such a critical development for the future of us humans, we should naturally be prepared to sacrifice some things. Don’t you think so?”

Her Highness’ head is nodding so quickly like some broken drinking bird toy. Accepting the requirements, the simple-minded little girl who doesn’t even know she’s been completely bluffed over, can only, regretfully, leave with her gaze longingly on the couple behind, and disappear from the corner of the corridor with Ni Haofan.

After finally confirming her disappearance, Murong Jihua sighs in relief and locks the door back up again, before falling over to the bed, exhausted.

He Jünle sits up and teases him with a smile and Murong Jihua’s earlier tone,

“There are countless jobs in this world, but why did you have to be a liar? Aren’t you afraid of——

Wetting your shoes?” (TL: Reference to a traditional Chinese saying, ‘Nobody can avoid wetting their shoes if they walk by the riverbanks long enough’)

“I’m not,” Murong Jihua then turns over to push He Jünle down under him, saying,

“IQ of humans turn to zero when in love. Her Highness’ love is genetic science, so she won’t have a clear consciousness for a while.”

Murong Jihua’s face leans closer and closer, and He Jünle makes a dissatisfied ‘tch’ noise, while quickly putting a palm in between their faces.

“There isn’t anyone eavesdropping today. We don’t have to act.”

Act…

Yeah.

Murong Jihua bites his lips.

True, in He Jünle’s eyes, this is, what, just a deal? A little pretend-lovers game?

——And a pretend-lovers game he is half-forced into by a sugar daddy of a big shaoye, at that.

“… Alright,” Murong Jihua, without any justification to flirt now, can only return to the bed, lying down very discreetly away from He Jünle.

He can only wonder, in his daze, whether it’s because the both of them are too toppish, that they are destined to be parallel lines that never meet, just like how they are lying in bed?

The more he thinks about it, the angrier he feels.

So he just decides to cross one leg over, putting it on He Jünle’s body, and childishly concluding, ‘good, now this counts as an intersection, doesn’t it?’

The days are yet long. You’ll see who wins in the end.

He Jünle “…?”

He Jünle “…”

Murong Jihua is quickly flipping through the novel on his terminal, his rough skimming only has one goal in mind – To quickly find another way to raise his capture progress before He Jünle falls asleep.

“… Xiaoming and Xiaohong are talking about anything and everything in their sleep. They have understood their past life, their current life, their current past (excluding their future), and so they have finally walked into each other’s real lives and, when the mood turns well, they begin applauding for love. From now on they shall bar nothing from each other and they will be inseparable blablabla…”

——An excerpt from the pure-love novel that does not exist, ‘106 Ways to Bend A Little White Fox’

Never mind the applauding for love part, then. Talking about stuff in their sleep… In bed…

Murong Jihua’s eyes suddenly light up.

An example, let’s say you are just enrolled into some new school. How do you quickly build up a gay… kuhum, friendship with the whole bunk?

——Other than slightly questionable methods like sharing their common disdain for some student they mutually dislike, one method that always works is, a candid talk in bed.

While Murong Jihua hasn’t read that many pure-love novels to this point, he has at least read many BG novels for capturing the female protagonist before. He could probably reference that without much modification required –

To talk about anything and everything, from the Earth to the Heavens to their lives and beyond, the point being, to sell their pitiful self. Show the person in question your sad, but resilient life. Let them conclude that ‘you sure are a star that twinkles uniquely’——Reducing the psychological distance between the leads.

Yes.

Murong Jihua is sure now.

They just do not know each other well enough right now.