Chapter 247 - Feeling Frustrated

Still, getting this close with other men during these circ.u.mstances does not seem right. Setsura has held it in this entire time; however, she wants to investigate. She wants to know what is happening outside. But Yang will surely not tell her. Otherwise, would he not have done so already? It seems like she has no self-control. Initially, Setsura was too afraid to step out of the room. If this place is really a lion den, with men with no morals, then she's in grave danger.

According to what Yang has told her, the people here dislike Akito, even the females. Enemies on both sides, huh? What a ridiculous story. It seems like she can't count on anyone here. Although Yang tells her to count on him and rely on him. Isn't he the enemy leader? No matter how anybody looks at it, she doesn't have anybody.

Yang's presence reassures her. However, that's only because he resembles Akito. If he were any regular random guy. Setsura knew she wouldn't feel comfortable around him. So fickle, feeling so reassured like this. Maybe her trauma towards men has improved? No, if it's like that, then she wouldn't flinch whenever she is walking around town.

Her thoughts broke off when Yang gently caressed her hair.

"Are you feeling frustrated?"

"..."

"In a few days, I will let you go out. I will show you how we do things here."

Her eyes widened when she hears his announcement. Is he serious about that? Is it fine? Setsura scanned his expression, 'it doesn't seem like he is lying.' But Setsura wondered what the sudden change of heart was all about.

"Make note that when we do go out. It will be extremely dangerous for you. I know how strong you are, and I've heard the rumors. I'll give you a weapon so you can defend yourself if we ever get separated. However, you better hope we don't get separated."

Sensing his serious tone, Setsura examined his expression. His gaze seemed dark, and he wore a complicated look. Is it that dangerous?

"From now on, things will be more dangerous. I won't hide it from you."

"Yang? Did something happen?"

A deep sigh crossed Yang's lips. "There's a mole in the hideout. They've been leaking information out to the military police, and others who want my head. If people find you here, they'd think your co-conspiring with me. That's why I want you to stick with me when the time comes. I'll act as the villain who kidnapped you."

"No, I can't let you do that."

He hasn't done anything terrible to her. He's treated her very well. "You rescued me, that's the story we tell them."

"Then, why didn't I return you to Akito? They will ask questions, Setsura."

"But that's because someone is blocking…" she paused in mid-sentence realizing. Ah, it seems like there is no way around it.

"I don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Despite his shameless actions lately. Setsura knew he wasn't a completely bad guy. Past events usually trigger people who have split personality disorders. Something traumatizing must have happened to him before. Maybe because of his first love? It feels like there is a background story there. Still, she's a bit surprised with her own words.

Yang appeared surprised too, and Setsura immediately regretted what she said. Such words sound very misleading, anybody who heard that would get the wrong idea wouldn't they? It was quiet for a few minutes before Yang reached over and patted her hair. She did not expect this action from him. Setsura looked at him awkwardly.

She half expected to see a teasing expression on his face. But, instead, she saw a serious look. "Yang?" Setsura mumbled.

"It's nothing, I will take a bath. Do you want one?"

Yang was implying she joined him; a teasing look appeared on his face. However, Setsura still felt the serious atmosphere. She reached over and gave him a brief hug, "I want to rest now. I'm looking forward to that meal."

"You will like it, then rest for now," he gently kissed her eyelids and walked out of the room.

A deep sigh escaped her lips. This is getting stifling, so much irrelevant drama. So many things that make little sense. She shook her head and laid back down.

In the deepest corner of her mind, she has many regrets that flicker like flames. Regrets and broken away emotions that she could not speak to anybody about. So many regrets, when she first joined the first, her reaction after that mission — even meeting him, that day - so many years back when she was younger.

'It's become a lot clearer now, the events of that day.' The reason why she joined the police force in the future. It was because of the incident that happened with her mother. Her mother's killer. The reason why she had blood on her hands that day.

She wanted answers so badly, even if she once again had to see a bloody sight again.

'That was the right thing to do.'

Those words were hollow; they had no meaning. Whenever anybody said those words to her after a mission, she would laugh at them. The only reason people said that was to provide her with fake comfort. Behind her back, she knew what they said about her. She knew that people thought she was ugly too.

For killing people so easily, taking another life like it was nothing. Those people most likely thought the rumors about her killing her mother is true. She could just deny them but after her first mission. People already formed their impressions of her. There was no use talking about it. No use trying to get them to change their minds. If she tried, she would look stupid.

It felt unpleasant to her. Setsura remembers the time she first used a gun. It felt heavy, but that heavy feeling didn't come from the size. The weight and burden behind holding a gun. She learned about it from the start. Even now, she remembers that moment, the moment his body slumped to the ground.

Setsura regretted it; she regretted shooting. She wanted to change the outcome so badly. To change this path. Surely there could have been another option. That day, maybe she shouldn't have shot. As a newbie, a rookie - nobody expected her to do anything on the field. They expected her to stand by and do nothing. But, she reacted. She even shot a comrade. When she thought about those bodies slumping to the ground, it gave her nightmares.

'I am cursed.' Setsura never outright believed people when they said it. However, right at that moment, when she shot that person, she understood. Her hands will always have blood, no matter how much time passes by.

With all the doubts clenching her heart, that was one fact that could never be changed. She never asked to be a killer, never asked to stain her hands. She never wanted to follow this path.

Setsura loved art ever since she was younger, for her painting those beautiful paintings and pictures calmed her heart. It made her feel at ease. So, even if she was cursed and a person who didn't deserve happiness. There was at least something she wanted to do; she at least had a dream.

All Setsura could do was hold onto the fleeting memories and moments. Even the things she liked, if she wasn't talented at it. Then, somebody could take that from her too. That's why she tried her best; she worked hard when it came to the things she loved. Even if it's something small like this, it's better than nothing. Yet even the smallest things slipped from her fingers.

Occasionally she would think that the reason this happened is due to her crimes. Isn't this redemption? Such things would cross her mind.

The only reason this happened is because she joined for such a selfish reason. To find her mother's killer? For what? It's not like her mother would want that, so many years have passed already.