Chapter 148 - Because of me

Setsura felt bitter for such a long time, but eventually, she understood something. This person will continue getting further and further away from her. If she isn't careful, he will leave her behind. His progress is amazing, Setsura kept up to date with all of the news from abroad. 'My fiancé is amazing.' She was very proud of him. But, at the same time, conflicting feelings emerged in her heart. She was happy for him, and yet — her thoughts broke when she felt his lips on her eyelids. He placed light kisses there.

"Forget work," he murmured. "I've missed you, Setsura."

"Shinji..."

His lips are on hers in seconds. Setsura noticed immediately how different his kisses were.

'He's more passionate than before.'

She wonders if something happened when he was abroad. Did he sleep with other women? Three months have passed after all. Their relationship, even after dating for so long they haven't done anything. Setsura shook her head; it's most likely not like that.

This person will never betray her.

That's the one thing she can be sure about.

__

Current day (1895, Meiji Era)

Setsura woke up to a familiar pair of arms wrapped securely around her waist. Her face buried in somebody's arms. 'Akito,' she thought. When she regained her vision properly. She could make out black hair beside her. He must have returned just now. To think the first thing he does is come here. How very silly. She thought back to her dream just now and sighed. 'Another memory of the past..' At the start, the name was still missing, but the second half Setsura recalled that persons name.

Sadly, the moment she woke up - the name escaped her again. Even though she recalled it, the people interfering must have some kind of grudge against her. What's wrong with her remembering? It's not like her future memories will affect her lifestyle here. Sure she may get homesick, but other than that nothing— Setsura paused in mid-thought. Something did cross her mind. But it's impossible, right? 'If she had her memories, she wouldn't have fallen in love with Akito.'

The purpose of the enemy is to ensure she gets together with Akito? But how would that benefit them?

'Akito has changed since he met you.'

She paused. Why are all the facts gathering together now? How stupid, this isn't the time for everything to come through. However, this theory has an 80-90% chance of coming true. If it really is like this, then it is somebody who wants to use Akito as a pawn. They want him to return to his strong self, not the brooding him. Somebody who has watched Akito this entire time. She recalled the auction, that man named Touma - he was watching Akito the entire time. Those people are after Akito, not her.

The reason why they keep approaching her is because they want Akito. So she isn't the target, that's a good thing. But, it feels like they will use whatever means to get to her.

Lost in her thoughts, Setsura didn't realize that Akito's breathing grew irregular. It was only after he tossed his arms about, and she heard muffled sounds coming from his direction. Setsura turned to the man who laid beside her.

The peaceful expression he normally had on his face had vanished. His handsome features distorted in pain. Clearly, he was suffering.

At that moment, Setsura was painfully aware that Akito was having a nightmare. Even though he usually acts so strong, Akito has his own demons to face. She reached over and gently caressed his face. There probably isn't anything she can do for this person.

Whenever she sees him this way, pain would emerge in her heart. The moment she caressed his cheeks, Setsura felt her palms go damp. He's sweating so much. She should fetch some water and a towel. But, he's holding onto her so tightly right now. She can't leave him alone. This man was formerly the section one chief; no before then, he lived a harsh life. He was abandoned, discarded - and went through a lot. Even the family who adopted him wasn't well of. He went through a lot.

How many traumas and demons does this person have? Far more than her, that is something she knows better than anybody. But unlike her, Akito does not show his sadness on his face. He'd keep a composed attitude and even throw witty comments occasionally. He would smile like a fool.

People keep telling her that Akito has changed because of her. So, then how did Akito act before she came here? When she first met him, he looked so distant and lonely. Since his wife left him, has he been making that kind of expression every single day?

Setsura wanted to stay strong, but before she knew it, the tears were falling from her eyes. It's easy to say she would stay strong for him. Easy to say those words but proving it with her actions? She is just as fragile as him; how could she possibly help?

Unknowingly the tears started to stream down from her eyes. She didn't realize until she felt Akito's fingers brush against her eyes. He looked confused, seeing her cry, and yet his eyes.. 'He looks so sad, so pained.'

"Setsura, I'm sorry. Did I make you cry again?"

Why does he have to apologize?

"Your crying because of me, aren't you?"

That's true, but he doesn't have to blame himself. How pathetic, isn't she supposed to come up with ways to help him? Why is she crying?

..

It was difficult to go to sleep after that. Setsura tried, but it was a futile attempt. She couldn't get any sleep at all. Then again, why is she trying to sleep during the day? Right, because she is sick and Akito won't let her go to work. Setsura didn't know whether he was awake or not, but she broke free of his hold. She climbed out of bed and walked over to the balcony. Leaning against the railing, she gazed up at the grey skies.

'Winter, huh?' This would be her first proper season in the Meiji era. She arrived here in September and now …To think she's already been here for more than a month. When she first arrived, Setsura didn't think she would last a week here. But now…

Now that she thought about it, the first time she discovered his weak side. It was around a week or so when she first arrived. They had a conversation here in the balcony. By that point, she was getting comfortable going to him whenever she had a nightmare. That night, he welcomed her like he usually would. However, Setsura recalls waking up to him, shaking and turning uncontrollably. At first, she was baffled and didn't know what to do. But then he solved her dilemma by holding her tightly.

Setsura realized then that Akito was the same as her. To calm down, all they needed was another person's warmth. The warmth of somebody they trusted. While it surprised her, Setsura already knew Akito was hiding something. From the moment their eyes made contact..'This person is the same type as her.'

A truly strong person may not exist. There will always be somebody out there who has demons they can't face alone. Humans are born to live, but there is no human out there who can live alone. Her thoughts broke of when she felt Akitos lips on her neck, "Can't sleep?"

"It's hard to sleep during the day. I'm not used to it."

Akito laughed, "Not used to lazing around?"

"Of course not."