Chapter 452 - Forgive me? (18)

12 May, Military base hospital, City K

Lexi could see the moment her words sunk in, and Matthew said "But it put you…"

"No Matthew, let us not debate that. My parents were my parents. But your parents…"

"If they had known that you were pregnant with my child, would have done absolutely everything to force me to quit the military, immediately marry you, and join the family company. That would never have been for me. And then for you, they would have ensured that you were trapped at home, not able to have developed your career. Then they would have done everything to absolutely control our lives and Dominic's life."

Matthew paused, and added "Speaking of that, there is no way that I want them to know the truth regarding Dominic if we can help that. You saw what they did at the JL International annual fundraising event. They hate my career choice, and they hate the relationship Phillip and Chester have. Knowing Dominic is their grandson, they would do everything they could to force me out of the military and into the company while forcing Phillip out, and you to quit your company and become a businessman's wife stuck at home. Then they would try and force Dominic into what they want. I do not want that for him."

Knowing Matthew's parents, Lexi said "I agree. He is his own person, and I want him to become what he wants provided it is legal."

"True. But Lexi," came the quiet response from Matthew. "Our parents influenced what has happened. The influence of your parents in what has happened is obvious, but the impact of what my parents have done is just as much a cause. Their hate and how they played that with our friends and their parents, influenced everyone turning on me when I announced what I had done. Yes, you stood by me, but there was no one else, who could have helped you. They could have stood up to your parents, tried to get into contact with me, and even protected you."

"Despite me being a soldier, with solid supports behind me, I still let them influence my life for years. For years I did everything I could to avoid postings here due to wanting to avoid their influence and have let it impact the repairing of my friendsh.i.p.s. The damage that they caused to Phillip and my relationship was only able to slowly be repaired after Richard died. But I still used Phillip and his knowledge to hide from you because I felt hurt."

"It is that hurt, that even now influenced my reactions. I took that out on you, rather than accepting its root cause, being my parents and how that has influenced me, and still influences me. But you never deserved me taking that out on you. I should have been more understanding, more forgiving, and look at the events to figure out why."

After shaking his head Matthew added "Hell, I am trained to look at the situation before me, take in information and process it quickly before exercising correct judgement to act, without emotion. What did I do. Hear what was said and let emotions completely take over due to that past. All I can do is apologise to you for my reaction and ask for your forgiveness. I do not deserve it, because no person let alone a woman, deserves the reaction and everything else I directed at you."

With that Matthew leant over and gently kissed Lexi on the forehead before sitting back down beside her.

Silence filled the room as Lexi looked at Matthew. She could see not only the conflict crossing his face, but his genuine hope that they could do something to repair things. That gave her hope that things could only get better for them.

"Matthew," came Lexi in a whisper. With that Matthew, directly looked at her in the eyes.

Seeing she had his attention, Lexi firmly said "It should be me asking you for forgiveness. I have had time and time again to tell you the truth about Dominic since your return, but I have let fear control me time and time again. Fear about what people would say, what Richard's parents would do, and the impacts on Dominic."

"It is not an excuse, but in some respects, I have lived the lie for year after year to the point that in some respects I have come to believe the lie. However, that has caused too much harm. To you, to me, to Dominic and to everyone around us. It has, even dragged me into unnecessary court proceedings. I could have simply told the truth and Richard's parents would not have had a case to run. But I have dragged us into that, because I worry about shaking the foundations of Dominic's world that he will hate both of us so much…"

The idea of Dominic hating her, caused tears to start running down Lexi's face again. Matthew again reached over and gently wiped them around while saying "You have nothing to be sorry for. Once I realised what I was doing, I have been able to process and understand that in the end the choices you have made have always been about Dominic, and have put his first. That can never be faulted and objectively you have done the right thing. He is, like any children we might be lucky to have in the future are always the most important things. They must be put before our wants and desires. Yes, our careers may require moves or separations for periods of time, but we will always put our children first."

Lexi, hearing his words asked hesitantly "You forgive me?"

"There is nothing to forgive, my beautiful wife. But if you need those words, I forgive you, but I need you to forgive me."

"That you have. But can you ask if they are willing to let the two of us to stay in the same ward. We may have forgiven each other but there is much to work through, and we need to do it before I am discharged as we need to be totally honest with Dominic. I do not want to continue to live the lie."

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