CH 118

“Your Majesty…?” 

When Hwawoon woke up feeling thirsty, he saw the face of the emperor. It was not the time for the emperor to be in Jeongan Palace. Thus, Hwawoon thought it was a dream. He wondered if it was a nightmare. Hwawoon’s heart sank quickly. The emperors he saw in the dreams mostly despised or turned a blind eye to him. Tears welled up in Hwawoon’s eyes. He didn’t want it today. He didn’t want to have this nightmare. He felt as if he could not bear to face the Emperor accusing him of deceit at this moment. 

“Your Majesty… please…”

His voice came out parched. He hoped to wake up if it was a dream. If it was impossible, he hoped the dream wouldn’t turn into a nightmare. Sitting in front of Hwawoon, who was so desperate, the Emperor asked.

“Does it hurt a lot? Why are you letting out tears?” 

At the same time, a warm palm wrapped around Hwawoon’s cheek. Hwawoon opened his eyes wide in disbelief and tried to focus his blurred vision. Dream or reality, everything was so chaotic. Has he ever been so kind like this? Won’t he suddenly change again? Won’t he scold me again, asking, “I’ve been so nice to you, but how could you deceive me and betray me?” The countless nightmares were roaming around the emperor. 

Hwawoon rubbed his cheek gently on the emperor’s palm. He felt even sadder because the warmth delivered through the skin felt so real. Hwawoon then slowly reached out his hand toward the emperor’s face. He could bring himself to do it because it was a dream. Hwawoon wanted to wrap his cheek in the same way the emperor caressed himself. If this was a dream, he wanted to enjoy the warmth even a little more before it could change into a nightmare. It was the only warmth that protected Hwawoon’s cold night.

“…”

The emperor could immediately understand why Hwawoon reached out his hand. It was uncharacteristic of him. It was said that he had a fever. Therefore, it seemed that his mind was not completely intact. So the emperor, Yihan, willingly brought his face to the hand Hwawoon extended. He wanted to let Hwawoon know in a clear way that he was around.

So that he didn’t think he was sick alone. So that he didn’t feel shunned. Yihan wanted to be the warmth for Hwawoon. 

“What is it that hurts you…” 

Whispered Yihan, putting Hwawoon’s little hand on his cheek. He didn’t simply ask about his health. By all accounts, Hwawoon was a man who was not lacking in anything right now. Considering the dramatic improvement in his relationship with the emperor, the change in treatment from the Department of Internal Affairs, and the people of Jeongan Palace who sincerely follow him, it was no exaggeration to say that Yeon Hwawoon was now living his best days since entering the palace.

Nevertheless, Yeon Hwawoon sometimes had a withered face. He looked anxious and ill. Normally, he hid them well, but when he was sick and weak, he showed his fear and sadness as if the water, which was barely blocked by old floodgates, would burst out. Yihan wanted to know where those things truly came from. 

“What is making you so sad? Tell me.”

“…”

“Woon-ah…”

Woon-ah.

At that moment, Yihan called Hwawoon’s name in that way as a gesture of intimacy. It was Yihan’s way to convey that they were so close at that moment. But that ticklish nickname was never light for Hwawoon. 

Hwawoon’s face contorted as a tear rolled down his face.

Woon-ah. Woon-ah.

The Emperor’s voice rang in his ears like a haunting tinnitus in a dream. Why Woon? Why did the emperor call my name like that at this moment? Hwawoon would rather not wake up if this was a dream, and without realizing it, the hand on the emperor’s face tightened and slowly pulled him closer. 

Yihan held his breath. Like a man caught in an enticing spell, Yihan could not resist Hwawoon’s touch that drew him. He knew that Hwawoon wasn’t really conscious because of his fever, but he couldn’t turn a blind eye to the man who was desperately longing for him with a face wet with tears.

The distance became so close that their breaths reached the tip of each other’s nose. Hwawoon raised both of his hands to touch the emperor’s cheeks, and looked at him with wet eyes. Yihan couldn’t stand it any longer. In fact, he had wanted it for a long time, and it was only now that the Emperor faced it.

“Your—”

Hwawoon’s mouth, which was about to bring up something, was blocked by a passion that urgently meshed with it. A large hand dug into Hwawoon’s nape, wrapped it, and pulled it with such a force that made Hwawoon’s lips open reflexively. A stranger’s flesh came in through the open lips. An unfamiliar sensation instantly rushed through Hwawoon’s body, binding him down. For Hwawoon, who had never communicated with anyone in this way, it was a violent and unfamiliar stimulus.

Yihan grabbed Hwawoon’s wrist, which left him out of surprise, and brought it to rest around his neck. With the other hand, he made Hwawoon’s head tilt back so that he could dig deeper into him. It wasn’t until Yihan tasted his soft flesh, the tip of his tiny, soft tongue, that he realized how desperately he had been craving him. Perhaps, it was a fact he already knew, but turned a blind eye.

Appeasing the thirst led to another thirst. Yihan desired to taste Hwawoon’s mouth deeper and deeper and immediately noticed that it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy him. The big hand swept down Hwawoon’s neck and shoulders, and the thin nightdress was easily ruffled. 

“Mmph… Nggh…!”

When Hwawoon, who hadn’t been able to catch his breath from the beginning because of the intense act, was writhing and moaning, Yihan let him go, but that wasn’t the end of it. The emperor’s eyes, looking down at Hwawoon’s lips that were wet with his saliva, darkened beyond recognition. The collar bone protruding over the thin clothes came into the black eyes and burned them even more. 

Yihan sucked Hwawoon’s lower lip very gently as if soothing him once, bit the tip of his chin softly, and then rested his lips on Hwawoon’s thin, white neck. The sweet smell of other people’s flesh, which he had never experienced before, spread into Yihan’s mouth. 

“Hhtt…!”

Hwawoon exclaimed reflexively because of the heat from the emperor’s breath, and the tip of his tongue that touched his neck. It seemed like an endless cycle of bright hot and dark coldness. Hwawoon was sure that it was a dream. There was no way the emperor could treat him like this if it wasn’t a dream. Yet the sensation was too vivid, making him afraid.

With his weak hands, Hwawoon embraced the emperor’s head, which was digging into him. He didn’t want to miss it. Moreover, if this was some dream, it was one he’d hate to wake up from. His confused mind could not even grasp what was going on, but Hwawoon just wanted the heat from the emperor to stay with him for a long time. 

“Your Majesty…” 

A weak and desperate voice came out. Yihan grabbed Hwawoon’s hand, which was hugging him desperately, and bit it gently. Then, Hwawoon whispered in a small voice. 

“Your Majesty… Please don’t abandon me…” 

Yihan’s movement stopped in an instant. A shock shot through his body, like being hit with a giant club. 

“Why… Why did you say that…” 

Surprised, Yihan looked up at Hwawoon’s face. Hwawoon’s face, which was flushed around the eyes, was so lovely, but at the same time, he looked so sad. Without knowing why, Yihan’s heart dropped to the ground. Facing the face itself hurt so much that his heart broke. That was how lonely Hwawoon’s face looked.

“Please don’t abandon me…” 

After that, Hwawoon lost consciousness completely. The weak body couldn’t bear the intense stimulation.

Yihan was left alone in no time. He had no time to feel the shock of realizing that he was desiring for Yeon Hwawoon in this way. He didn’t have time to feel guilty about indulging his desires towards a sick person. He was out of mind because of Hwawoon’s unexpected attitude. He was wondering since when and why did Yeon Hwawoon have this anxiety. 

Tears around the closed eyes came clearly into Yihan’s eyes. Yihan sat there blankly as if he were a lost child. 

***

“Your Majesty…!” 

Yihan suddenly came to his senses at Eunuch Oh’s startled voice. He could see a paper with smudged ink because the tip of the brush stayed there. Yihan was writing an order 

“I’ll put a new paper up.” 

Eunuch Oh hurriedly collected the paper. Yihan sat there and looked at the dirty paper that Eunuch Oh was collecting. It was just like his heart. 

Yihan could not easily move the brush again even after seeing a clean paper being laid anew. He couldn’t remember what he was trying to write. He realized that he heard some kind of report a while ago. He wondered what the person from the Ministry of Household, who had stopped by the Great Hall a while ago, had said. Yihan sat still like a doll, only blinking, and traced back his memory. He couldn’t remember anything easily.

No matter how hard he tried, only Yeonbin, Yeon Hwawoon, who occupied Yihan’s head instead of political affairs.

“Please don’t abandon me…” 

When he remembered the faint voice that seemed to dissipate like dust with a touch, he felt a pain in his heart. Yihan’s huge hand clasped his chest. Still, the pain didn’t get any better.