CH 54

Translator: Soafp

In the morning, I wake up to brilliant sunlight streaming in through the curtains, feeling both comfortable and annoyed at the same time.

It is Thursday. I am a student who should be going to school, but I’m not going to school. I start preparing breakfast with minimal preparation. It doesn’t take much time to prepare, since all I have to do is make a hot sandwich.

Sachi has milk. My mother and I drink coffee black. I used to not like bitter coffee, but as the manager recommended it to me, I recently came to be able to drink it. Well, it is instant coffee, so it is not as good as the kind of coffee I drink at the bar.

“Good morning, Shuya.”

”Hmm, Good morning, Mom.”

Mom woke up just as the dining table was being decorated. We greeted each other in the most ordinary way, and she took her seat. She had insisted on helping me in the beginning, but I was stubborn, so now she wouldn’t force herself to help me. For some reason, I wanted to do it.

I know why. I’m sure it’s because this is how it was supposed to be.

Mom would work every day, Sachi would do her best in club activities, and I would take care of the house. Even though our roles were different, I’m sure we had a future like that.

I want to keep searching for it. I want to continue to search for the shape of this family and its possibilities.

”Good morning.”

”Good morning.”

”Good morning, Sachi.”

Sachi woke up a little later. With sleepy eyes, she takes her seat.

“””Thank you for the food.”””

There is no conversation. The three of us ate in silence. It’s natural, and it’s not hard for me to do so.

It’s normal and nothing to worry about.

（I know that’s what I’m saying.)

I understand. Not only me, but also my mother and Sachi would have noticed it.

It’s kind of strange that it’s so natural. Each of us is pretending to be normal. It’s not easy for the three of us to dissolve our differences. I, of all people, am not satisfied with everything.

Normalcy built on a foundation of awkwardness inevitably reflects a sense of discomfort in the scenery.

(Not that it’s a bad thing, but…I don’t know.)

Each of us is running on empty. That’s how I feel. Well, the whole thing is strange to begin with. I created the situation, after all, when I publicly declared that I still can’t forgive.

(Well, it doesn’t matter.)

There is no need to rush. There is plenty of time.

That is the advantage of the family, a special community that is not bound by the framework of society.

So for now, take it slow.

”Shuya, can I talk to you for a second?”

”Grandpa? What’s wrong?”

Around noon, Grandpa came down from the second floor to talk to me.

By the way, the second floor is where Grandpa and Grandma spend their time, and we live on the first floor. This was Grandpa’s suggestion.

”I wanted to talk to you about some things.”

Saying this, Grandpa sat down opposite me at the table where I was sitting. I could tell from the serious look on his face that this was going to happen.

“Recently, how are things going?”

“Recently, huh”

I correctly read the meaning in those words. I guessed he was talking about my mother.

”I can’t really say.”

I replied honestly. There is no doubt that the relationship has improved and is moving in the right direction, but it is far from a solution to the problem. So I can’t really say.

“I see. Well, you can’t be in a hurry about all this. I wish Taeko-san would try harder, though.”

Grandpa said and shifted his gaze out the window.

Then, after taking a breath, he began to talk.

”I regret it. Shuji … I’ve stopped talking to Shuya’s father.”

”… With dad?”

I had never heard that Dad and Grandpa didn’t get along, and the meaning of regret was lost on me. I could understand if he felt regret for his son who died earlier than him.

”He was 22 when he left home. As soon as he got out of college and got a job, he left home.”

Grandpa continued.

”It’s a normal story. We get along well as father and son. There was nothing strange about it, just a normal father and son.”

But, he said. Grandpa spun his words as if he was in a deep thought.

”I still think about it. What could I have done for him? We didn’t talk much at home. Mother… Grandma knew a lot about Shuji. Because she talked with Shuji a lot. But I didn’t know much about Shuji. It was only after Shuji died that I finally realized that.”

After hearing his story, I thought, Grandpa is not a bad guy. That was my first thought.

It’s not every day you get a chance to talk so openly about your own father, is it? I mean, fathers and sons are like that.

Still thinking about it, Grandpa said. Even Grandpa, who had a good relationship, regrets that point.

”That is why Taeko, is responsible for it. Since Shuya, her son, wanted it, she would not let you guys be sad. She will not make you regret it. She has that kind of responsibility.”

Grandpa’s eyes were stern and strict, but they still had a kindness in them that he could not hide.

（You are too clumsy, Grandpa.)

In other words, he was telling me, in a roundabout way, not to get too worked up. Don’t force me, a child, to take on the responsibilities of an adult.

(I’m sure your father must have been happy.)

I felt like I saw a shadow of my father in Grandpa’s face.

Dad and Grandpa are very much alike.

I felt that my father must have been happy to have been born to such a person.

My own memories told me that.