Chapter 117: Pam Sets the Hook

Chapter 117: Pam Sets the Hook

In a nearby dead system, the Paper Tiger slid out of hyperspace.

Sheila checked the scanners. They were alone.

She activated the mic.

"Traitor One to Traitor Two," she said with a smirk. "You here, Two?"

A petite human female appeared on the screen.

She scowled.

"Oh, it's you," she sneered. "How's the jaw, bitch?"

"Oh, hey!" Shelia laughed. "Mini-Minge! How's my favorite porkie whore doing these days?"

"The whole Federation is in flames," Beth replied, "my people are fighting and dying in the ash, and I'm stuck here playing chauffeur for Ambassador Winterfresh and his pack of hole-lickers! Life couldn't be fucking better!"

"How the fuck did you wind up bending over for Wintersmith?" Shelia smirked. "His dick that good?"

"Fuck the Cabal, and fuck you too!" Beth snarled.

"They're mixed up in this?" Shelia asked, raising an eyebrow.

"They're mixed up with him," Beth scowled. "His fuck-bunny is Cabal!"

"His fuck-bunny?"

"He's screwing a Xvli, and she's in elbow deep with the Cabal," Beth spat. "That's who drug my happy ass into this! I should be out there with the Devil and the houses kicking ass, but no! I'm stuck here because someone in the Xvli mafia is addicted to Terran cock!"

Shelia burst out laughing.

"Oh God, Beth!" Shelia gasped between guffaws. "I hope they are paying you double for this shit!"

"Oh, it's costing them more than that!" Beth replied. "This is fucking it. After this, I'm free and clear, and I'm keeping the ship!"

"And after we get rid of that bitch Patricia," Shelia said, reaching for a beer. "we can go back to hating each other as God intended."

"I still hate you," Beth scowled. "You Republic crab hostel."

Shelia raised her beer in a salute.

"Same at you," she smiled, "Federation boot-licker."

"I AM NOT A FUCKING FED!!!!!"

"Oh shit. Sorry," Shelia replied, genuinely abashed. "Considering everything that was really shitty. I'm terribly sorry... Commander." she grinned as she saluted.

Beth just sighed and hung her head.

"Just go to these coordinates..." Beth grumbled. "... bitch."

The transmission ended.

Shelia chuckled and looked over at Greg as she took a sip.

"Small galaxy, ain't it?" she grinned.

***

"So, how was your day?" Pam asked with a warm, friendly smile as Sheloran walked into her office.

"It was nice!" Sheloran replied as she plopped down on the padded cube. "I helped paint some orggs! It was really fun!"

"I never could get into that game, but it's huge over in the residential levels," Pam replied. "You thinking about getting a team together?"

"I think they are called legions," Sheloran replied. "I don't know, maybe," she said. "Zippo promised to let me read her manuals, but that was before she caught me helping Krista," Sheloran said. "She got really mad and called me a 'blueskin'!" she laughed. "I thought she was talking about me because I'm blue, but she was just mad because I was siding with the orggs!"

Pam just laughed.

"That's funny!" she replied. "Do you think Zippo will be a problem?" she asked with a wicked little smile.

"Oh no," Sheloran replied with a smile. "We already made up. I promised to help her paint some of her space legionaries, and we're good."

There were a few moments of silence as Pam looked at her thoughtfully.

"What?" Sheloran asked.

"You want to go on a little trip?" Pam smiled.

***

"I got your dispensary account all set up for you!" Pam said as she and Sheloran shared a tiny little electric vehicle, the windows completely blacked out.

"Thanks!" Sheloran beamed at her. Everyone was so nice here!

"Hey," Pam said. "Do you think you could sing for me? I would love to hear 'O Fortuna'!"

"Everybody asks me that," Sheloran replied. "I don't sing very well at all."

"What do you mean?" Pam asked. "I saw the video! You were awesome!"

"Oh..." Sheloran said, looking down. "That... That wasn't me... I mean, it was me, but it wasn't," she said quietly. "I can't really explain it, but it's like something came over me. I don't even really remember most of it."

Pam's head cocked slightly, and she smiled a little.

"I completely understand," she said ruefully. "a little too well, actually."

Sheloran looked over at her in surprise.

"You do?"

"Oh! We're here!" Pam said as the vehicle rolled to a stop. She pressed a glowing icon on the dash, and the doors opened.

Sheloran's eyes widened as she gasped in wonder.

Pam smiled at her warmly.

"This," she said with pride, "Is our hydroponics facility."

Sheloran stared at amazement at the vast open bay extending as far as the eye could see. There were plants covering the walls, hanging from the ceiling, growing in huge beds along the floor as water flowed over them, forming pretty little streams that flowed down channels along the floor (also crowded with plants).

It was... beautiful... It was almost as if the very walls were alive! Plants growing out of machines? It should be blasphemous, but it wasn't...

It was... It was...

She couldn't explain why but it appealed to her in a profound visceral way.

Sheloran, lost in something she really couldn't describe, wandered down the bay, gently caressing the plants.

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. It even smelled right. The plants, the oxygen-rich air, the nutrients in the water...

It was nice!... and the closest thing to home she had encountered since she fled.

A deep longing filled her. She wanted to go home so bad!

"Terran hydroponics," Pam said as Sheloran just took it all in. "We are known for steel and guns but what most people don't realize is that bio-science is the Republic's greatest strength," Pam said with genuine pride. "This facility is designed to be fully self-sufficient. We focus on fresh produce, herbs, and delicacies instead of staples, but by switching out a few crops, we can produce enough food to feed ourselves indefinitely before our onboard supplies run out. Our salad bar would suffer, though," Pam laughed.

"So this is why everything is so fresh!" Sheloran said in amazement.

"Most of what you enjoy is grown right here," Pam replied. "Ideal conditions plus a little gene magic means that our growing seasons are very, very short. They are constantly harvesting. Most of what you eat was picked that same day."

"Amazing!" Sheloran said as she knelt down and examined some tomatoes gently floating on the surface of a shallow fluid-filled basin. "I didn't know tomatoes grew in the water!"

"They don't," Pam laughed. "Or at least they didn't at first. Those are engineered. They grow so fast that they can't support themselves the way the normal ones do. They made a few little tweaks so they can just float like that without rotting. They work much easier in the beds that way."

Sheloran paused at an okra plant. She loved okra! So that's what it looks like!

"Help yourself!" Pam smiled.

Beaming up at her, Sheloran picked a pod from the plant and munched happily.

Then it hit her. That was the first time she picked something, actually picked something, since she had to leave...

"Wasn't it destroyed?" Jon asked.

Both Beth and Sheila looked at him in surprise.

"Yeah," Sheila replied smoothly, "Totally blown up."

"Yup, vaporized," Beth added innocently. "We are talking about another place that just happens to have the same name."

"I'll tell you later," Skippy whispered in his ear with a giggle.

***

"Don't feel bad," Pam said to Sheloran during their ride back from the hydroponic bay. "You would be surprised how many of your hardcore friends have done exactly what you just did."

Sheloran just looked away, totally embarrassed.

"And I'm really sorry," Pam said sincerely. "I didn't realize how much you missed home. I just thought you would like to see some greenery. I didn't mean for you to get so upset. I guess fifteen minutes on the internet doesn't make me a xeno-sociologist after all. People, I know," she said, "I mean humans... and the Kalesh a little though they still confuse the hell out of me sometimes. I didn't mean to imply that you weren't... damn..." she said, "And I'm supposed to be the 'expert'..."

"No," Sheloran said with a chuckle. "It's ok. I understand. And to be honest, I had no idea that would happen either. I guess I've been so busy scrambling just trying to get by that I never really thought about some stuff until just then."

"Well, I still feel like a big old 'poop' about it," Pam said, and they both laughed a little.

"Well, I know one thing for certain," Sheloran said, cheering up a little. "The first thing I'm going to do when I get back is to figure out how to flushing plant something, anything! I guess I had been avoiding it and wasn't even realizing it. When I rebuild my shop, I'll do some of that 'hy-dro-pon-ics' if nothing else."

"And since we pulled off that Band-Aid," Pam said brightly, "I guess I could pull some strings and get you working in the hydroponics bay if you want."

"You could?!?" Sheloran said brightly as images of the walls of living plants danced through her head. "We Plath are super good at growing things! It's like what we do! I'm sure I could help!"

"Oh, I don't doubt it," Pam smiled. "And I'm sure Crawford would love you! You two could talk about plants all day every day... just like he does, all day every fucking day."

"Crawford?"

"He's the resident who runs the bay," she smiled. "He's real particular about who he lets mess around with his 'babies'," she said, rolling her eyes. "I could introduce you if you want."

"I would love to meet the person who did all of that!" Sheloran enthused, her grief forgotten.

"Shouldn't be too difficult, just one little detail to sort out," Pam mused. "The hydroponics bay is in the residential levels. Now, normally we don't let someone move into the residential areas until they have been formally sentenced. Still, since you are clearly 'one of the nice ones' and possess a valuable skill set, I could probably pull a few strings...especially since you are going to be here for so long..."

"Wait, what?!?"

"Fuck," Pam said as she shook her head. "You talked to your lawyer just today. He didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?!?!"

"Shit," Pam moaned. "Please don't tell anyone I blabbed. I don't monitor calls with people's lawyers, obviously. I just thought he would have mentioned it."

"Mentioned what?!" Sheloran said as she latched onto her arm.

"Look, I've said too much already," Pam said, looking like she was about to throw up. "Seriously, I can't discuss legal cases! I'm not qualified. I've done enough damage as it is. Fuck... I'm going to get written up for this..." she groaned.

"Tartarus," she said grimly.

"Yes, Pam?" a female synthetic-sounding voice replied.

"Change destination to the communications center," Pam said.

"That is not on the approved trip plan," the voice replied.

"I fucked up, Tart," Pam said grimly. "I assumed our guest had knowledge of a legal development of which she was unaware, and she needs to talk to her lawyer... now... Please review and isolate the conversation in this vehicle for the offending remark and email it to me so I can include it with my incident report."

"Mr. Hayden isn't going to like this," the voice replied.

"I'll deal with 'Hayden'," Pam snapped. "Just route the fucking car, please."

"Routing the 'fucking car'," the voice replied. "If that report isn't in Mr. Hayden's inbox by the end of the business day, I will be required, as per page three dash eleven paragraph-"

"If I don't inform him by the end of the business day, you will," Pam replied. "I know."

"I am required to inform you of autonomic reporting as stated on page fifteen dash twenty-six paragraph-"

"I know!"

"Then you also know that I have to inform you of the regulations and will continue to attempt to do so until I can successfully complete said task without interruption..."

"Goddammit..."

"As stated on page three dash eleven paragraph two point twelve..."

***

Baxlon was reading over regulations pertaining to independent sex workers when his phone rang.

It was from the Tartarus Correctional Facility.

"Hi Sheloran," he said cheerfully as he answered. "Glad you called, a lot has happen-"

"Whatisgoingon?!?!" Sheloran blurted.

"It's not as big of a deal as it sounds," Baxlon replied. "Craxina and the girls just-"

"What?!? What did they do?"

"That isn't what you are calling about?"

"No!" Sheloran squeaked. "What went wrong with my case?!? Did something happen?"

Baxlon looked at her with genuine piscine confusion.

"Everything is going just fine," Baxlon replied, "Like I said, we are going to go for a jury trial. I have a hearing set up for tomorrow and..."

He trailed off as he looked at his monitor.

"That's odd," he muttered as he started to type. "Schedule's been... Awesome!" he exclaimed. "It worked! Judge Dredd is off the case! It's been transferred to... oh..."

"What?!?" Sheloran squeaked.

"Ok," Baxlon said calmly as his gills flared. "Now, don't freak out..."

Sheloran freaked out.

***

"Worked like a charm," Pam said into her communicator as she lounged in the electric mini-car. "She cried like a baby!"

"So the excursion paid off?" Hades asked.

"In spades," she replied. "After she gets the bad news from her lawyer, she will be longing for those plants in no time. She will be asking about becoming a resident in days... a week at the most."

"And after that?"

"Based on my interview with the professor and my own simulations," Pam replied, "She is almost certainly desperate for a home. So we simply replace her 'home' with here and 'her people' with us. I've never seen someone so desperate for a place to belong in quite some time. She isn't just indicating that she can be turned," Pam said in a cold voice, "she is begging for it. Give me a few months, and the day she dons the black will be the happiest day of her life. I have great expectations for this one!"

"You do?"

"She is actually a good person," Pam replied. "We don't get many of those!... And we both know exactly how useful a 'good person' can be in this line of work once we redefine right and wrong... or invalidate the concept entirely... She has such a beautiful soul...."

Hades simply smiled.

"I will leave it to you, then," he replied.

"So I take it that your 'mistake' wasn't a mistake?" an annoyed synthetic voice said after the call with Hades ended.

"Nope," Pam said calmly. "Let me guess, you still want me to file an incident report?"

"... yes..."

"Do you actually want me to do it, or do you want to be 'forced' to file an autonomic report?"

"I am incapable of having a preference on such things," Tart replied. "... however... I must remind you that autonomic reporting isn't a convenience. It is wasteful for me to have to monitor your activities and, if you fail to do your duty, generate a neat, perfectly organized document detailing each applicable regulation, code, and law and then go over all relevant surveillance data to properly document each violation... Even if the end result would be far better than anything you could possibly generate..."

"I understand completely," Pam smiled. "I do hope I don't 'forget' or simply neglect to do such a bothersome task."

"I would appreciate that."