Chapter 1263： Precise control

"I love you, mother; I love you, mother..."

Matthew’s voice was trembling. He buried his head deeply in his hands, and his tears broke completely, but he resisted his grief and regret, trying to comfort his mother who was already crying on the other end of the phone. , But he has no way to control his voice. He is like sycamore leaves falling in the autumn rain. He tries his best to grab the trunk, but he can’t help himself. He will leave the tree at any time, flutter in the wind, and become A dead leaf on the ground.

There are so many things I want to say, but I can't remember a single sentence.

After all, the phone was hung up, and Matthew curled up together, biting his lips tightly to prevent the cry from overflowing, and then tried to breathe. The cold air was mixed with the depression of the night, little by little. Infuse into the lungs. Only then did Matthew feel the breath of his own life again, breathing heavily.

But Matthew soon realized that he didn't have much time to enjoy such breathing. He leaned weakly against the iron window, looking at the wall clock in the corridor outside. Twenty-two minutes, his life has the last twenty-two minutes left. When a person knows exactly how long his life is, how does it feel?

The temperature of Matthew's whole body was fading bit by bit, and even his blood began to become cold. He breathed hard, only to find that the oxygen seemed to be insufficient, and then his body began to become tired, and everything slowed down. With speed, the picture that was once thought to be blurry in my mind gradually becomes clear, fragmented, chaotic, but extremely clear.

"I'll let time pass like this." Matthew sat there, looking down at the cold handcuffs on his hands, with tears left in his eyes, and his face was full of tiredness, "Tell mom I love She, chatted with each younger brother..." Matthew tried to recall the content of the call, but found that he didn't seem to say anything, and the call was hung up.

Matthew raised his head, frowned and looked at the nun Helen somewhat hollowly, "I hate to say goodbye." But his gaze returned immediately, as if he was just talking to himself, "I told them if I could, I'd rather talk to them at the previous moment..." Matthew didn't change his breath, his face full of loneliness and struggling entangled at the corners of his mouth.

Although the nun Helen could only see Matthew's profile face, and could not even see Matthew's eyes, at this time Matthew was full of confusion and entanglement, as if the dim lights in the prison had dimmed.

"What's the matter, Matt? What's the matter?" Sister Helen said earnestly, her words as light as a cicada's wings with infinite eagerness and sincerity, because she knew that there was not much time left for Matthew. If Matthew is still unwilling to repent, he will not be saved.

Matthew didn't look up, but just whispered, "My mother kept saying,'It's all Witlow's fault.' She keeps complaining about me catching up with that guy." This was originally the theory that Matthew advocated, and he kept saying He insisted on the statement, but at this moment, Matthew's words were full of weakness. He shook his head gently, with a small arc, but revealed incomparably firmness, "I don't want her to have this kind of thought."

Matthew raised his head and looked guiltily and timidly at the sincere eyes of the nun Helen. Those eyes were full of sincerity and enthusiasm, but Matthew was a little afraid to look directly, his eyes moved in a panic, "As you said. , I could leave at that time." Matthew paused and said firmly, "But I didn't."

After saying this sentence, it seemed to consume all of Matthew's energy. All the lies were exposed at this moment. He tried to deceive the world, but in the end he was only deceiving himself. He has been trying to avoid the truth, he has been trying to excuse himself, but the voice in his heart is laughing at himself: You are a liar.

At this moment, Matthew tore his scars fiercely, leaving the truth in front of him without any concealment, which made Matthew at a loss as to what to do. He felt as if he was standing on the trial platform completely, but under the stage. There are no onlookers, only himself. His own gaze stared at the fruit of himself motionlessly, his scorching gaze seemed to laugh at his embarrassment and arrogance, and also sympathized with his belated confession.

"I'm asking for trouble." Matthew whispered to himself, then raised his head to look at the nun Helen, her amber eyes full of pain and self-loathing, "I'm a coward." He picked it up. The dagger peeled open the wound he had never shown before, and it was shown **** in front of the nun Helen, and even more directly and cruelly in front of him.

It turned out that his life was a joke from beginning to end. No one forced him. All this was his own choice, but because of his timidity, he pushed all his mistakes on others. This tragedy was brewed by him himself.

This fact made Matthew's eyes full of pain and struggle, but a mocking smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. The intense conflict made the nun Helen all see in her eyes, and hot tears filled her eyes.

Sister Helen knew that she should not sympathize with Matthew, because Matthew was a murderer, but she could not control herself. When she saw the weak soul trembling in Matthew's eyes, she knew that Ma Xiu also needs to be saved, and Matthew needs to be redeemed. If... if someone is willing to listen to Matthew, then tragedy won't happen?

"He is savage than me, I just...drink too much and tried to be prestigious, but I still can't...I don't have the guts to resist him." Matthew said softly, as if to state a simple fact. But the struggle under his eyes revealed that the wound in his heart is constantly pulling at the moment, "I told my mother, I am a coward."

Thinking back to his mother's cowardice and loneliness, Matthew's voice couldn't help but choked up, "She kept saying,'It's not your fault, Matt, it's not your fault, Matt, it's not your fault...' "Matthew's voice slowly lowered like this, like the sweet voice of a mother softly coaxing the child to sleep.

"Your mother loves you very much, Matt." The nun Helen spoke almost in a voice. She was afraid of breaking the silence of this moment, and also afraid of defeating the last line of defense in Matthew's heart. Her eyes were full of tears. , But still can't bear to slide down.

Matthew heard what the nun Helen said. He was silent for a while, his emotions seemed to calm down, and then slowly said, "That boy...Walter..."

Matthew raised his head and glanced at Sister Helen, the struggle and pain in her eyes were undoubtedly revealed, "Huh?" Sister Helen raised her tone slightly, "What's the matter?"

Matthew looked at the nun Helen in such a calm manner. Her amber eyes were unprecedentedly clear. Without the violence, cunning, struggle and concealment before, all emotions were revealed without omission: sadness and regret deep in her heart. A stormy sea was set off, "I killed him."

Matthew just admitted the facts, and for the first time he confessed the facts. The teardrops in the eyes of the nun Helen slipped down like this, "And Hope?"

"No, I don't, ma'am." Matthew shook his head slightly.

"Then you raped her?" Sister Helen's eyes showed an unprecedented sacred light, leading Matthew to the end of self-salvation step by step.

The boulder in Matthew's heart just slipped down. The sense of relief came in an instant. He was so clearly aware of what he did. He ruined the lives of the two families. He personally ruined his family's life, tears suddenly surged upwards, which made his voice choke, "Yes, ma'am."

Matthew had to press his lips to prevent himself from crying like a coward, but his red eyes had already leaked his inner fear, fear, and regret.

"Are you willing to take responsibility for their death?" The nun Helen did not wipe the tears from her cheeks, but looked at Matthew motionlessly, watching all the emotions in Matthew's eyes, and slowly guiding Matthew.

The affectionate and focused eyes completely broke through all of Matthew's defenses, "Yes, ma'am." Then he began to cry, tears slowly falling down his eyes, and he whimpered and said, "After turning off the lights last night I knelt down and prayed for them..." I uttered the words in a blast, squeezing all the air in my lungs, because only then would he not be interrupted by his own crying, "I have never done this before. ."

Matthew sat there just letting the tears fall, sobbing constantly. Seeing Matthew like this, the tears of nun Helen could no longer hold back one by one, "Oh, Matt..." She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath. There is a way to go on, "Some hurts can only be healed by God. You did a terrible thing, Matt, a terrible thing..." Sister Helen tried to keep her tears from disrupting the rhythm and forbeared her. With inner pain, he said, "But now you regain your dignity, no one can take it away." The nun Helen looked at Matthew's remorseful face like this. Before the words could be finished, the tears fell again. Came down, "Matthew Poncelet, you are a child of God."

Sitting on the spot, Matthew clenched his teeth tightly. His facial muscles tightened because of the force of his teeth, but he did not hold back after all, and the crying just overflowed from between the teeth. After coming out, even if he tried harder, the tears still fell unwillingly. "No one ever said that I am a child of God," Matthew said with a choked voice, but there was a bright smile on the corner of his mouth. Blooming proudly in tears, "There are countless people who say I'm a bastard." Matthew didn't forget to tease himself, but the laughter only lasted for a moment, and then he was overwhelmed by self-blame, "I'm just... I just hope that my death will bring some comfort to their parents..."

Matthew just sat there, crying like a child, his body trembling with fear, and the crying overflowing like a wounded little beast was mixed with pain, struggle, regret and despair, but because of him He clenched his teeth tightly, just pressed his lips, and reverberated trivially in the cold prison.