Chapter 16.3: Return III

Chapter 16.3: Return III

By the time I was done divulging all the details, the train had made a stop at the destination station. Afterward, I was led by Kinoshita down a deserted footpath between rice fields that I didnt recognize.

I see

No other factors were responsible for Hyugas suicide It was me, the culprit in her death.

But its a stretch for me to think that Hyuga would kill herself solely over a fight with you. Because, Masa, you didnt tell her to die, right?

At this, I cast my eyes down and bit my lip. Yeah I didnt tell her to die or to jump off the roof.

But I did hurt her with those awful things I said to her.

The face of Hyuga in my recollection, brought back to me through clairvoyance, was still etched in my mind. At the words I shot out, she became motionless as if her heart had been crushed, and consequently, she lost her voice. I made her cry.

The one who cracked up laughing all the time was crying and was left alone on the rooftop.

Even though I didnt tell her to die, the words I hurled at her might have been equivalent to the meaning of death to her.

Even if I did not bear such an intention in mind, each persons perspective on the event varied substantially. The words spewed from the mouth could never be withdrawn again. Depending on those individuals, those words may be life-changing, transformed into blades that gouge their hearts to the core.

Just like Takenaka, who bound himself to that convenience store by the final words of the person he was in love with. No doubt Hyuga must have shared the same experience. My words shredded something vital in Hyugas heart. Whether I intended it or otherwise, Hyuga was imbued with a darkness in her heart that drove her to death.

Masa I understand how you feel but

You know, I was a horrible person in high school

It wasnt only that time. I was always thinking about myself, at all times. Hating to be embarrassed, hating half-heartedness, prioritizing my own feelings, and a constant lack of consideration for the other party. I was too slow to even regret it.

Thats wrong I am still awful even now.

Idiot.

As I was walking down the road, Kinoshita unceremoniously punched me in the shoulder. Even though it hurt, I lacked the energy to lash back; instead, I simply remained to stare at him. This time, I was inadvertently knocked back by an elbow that flew at me.

What?

Ive been listening to you since earlier but your subservient behavior is overwhelming. You behave like youre someone else and not Masa. I wont urge you to brighten up but staying that way is certainly not good for you. What is truly plaguing you right now is not the wandering specter Hyuga, but you yourself. Youre strangling yourself, remarked Kinoshita. Its different now. Masa, youve changed You at least have an awareness of your own preconceptions and her sentiments now that you can perceive things the same way as Hyuga, dont you? The suffering of those you had never known, and the gratitude that someone had come to your rescue. The warmth of people close to you who support you. Thats what you gained an understanding of, wasnt it? If so, dont say such a thing. You learned all kinds of positive things as a person, so nothing is the same as it was then.

Even if it were true, Hyuga wouldnt be saved since I lack the necessary strength and I probably cant even communicate with specters. If nothing can be changed in the end, then I

That leaves just one option if you lack the strength to save her. Apologize to her from the bottom of your heart.

Thats

Such a naive way

She wont be satisfied

But its worth a try.Updated from novelbIn.(c)om

Its not worth it, shes already dead, shes a specter, and she hates me to the point of wishing to kill me.

To Hyuga, after all this time, saying that it was my bad and apologizing to her That was

My feelings wont reach her

She likely wouldnt even listen to me. She wouldnt spare me. No amount of apology from the bottom of my heart would make Hyuga stop. The smile she had from that time, it wouldnt be shown to me anymore

Ah, here we are

After several minutes of walking in silence, an old wooden building came into view.

Beyond the wire mesh of the metal main gate, visible from the outside, was a swimming pool, a small field, a gymnasium, a playing field, and a couple of boys and girls in jerseys. Their physiques were slightly grown-up for elementary school students and immature for high school students.

This is where I work, its summer break right now, so most of the students are in club activities.

Oh yeah, youre a teacher now, huh?

Yeah, I know I dont look like one at all, but for the record, I am. So, this is the place I wanted to bring you.

Pulled by Kinoshita, I was taken through the school gate, across the playground, and to the back side of the school building.

On the way, we crossed the parking lot, after which we went further into the school, leading us to what I assumed was the second sports ground, though it was more cozy and spacious than the one in front of the school building.

A verdant wire fence. A familiar landscape. Benches with a roof over them. A filthy small hut. Myriad white balls rolling around. Tattered bats. Gloves left on the ground. In the center of the sports ground was the once nostalgic mound, where I used to stand.

Keep your voice downnnnnnn!!!

Standing in the batters box, a boy in a long uniform raised his voice spiritedly, and the entire team responded in a loud voice.

These small boys were not yet physically mature. Among them, the smallest and shortest stood on the mound, took a deep breath, and swung widely.

The pitch was thrown, and in the next split second, it slid just under the bat and into the glove of the catcher. The familiar, pleasure-like sound of the ball rubbing against the leather of the glove. That was a solid pitch, in my opinion, for a man of his stature.

Isnt everyone adorable? As he placed his fingertips on the fence, Kinoshita stated with joy. Apparently, he wanted me to see this. The real reason he dragged me all the way down here.

Incidentally, a coach is being recruited.

So he said.

A coach?

Pleased to meet you!

Which high school did you attend!

Your position!?

Wow!

Have you been to Koshien?!

How old are you!?

As I was unable to respond to all of the questions, Kinoshita took over and urged the boys to calm down since their enthusiasm was out of control.

He is the same age as me and a pitcher. He was called the ace of the baseball team in high school and is a super elite player. After hearing about how hard you guys are working, he offered to help us out, isnt that wonderful!

Kinoshita!

Who the hell were you calling an elite player! What a bunch of babbling! Besides, I didnt offer to help them! I was only informed about the situation a few minutes ago!

Youre giving them false hope! I whispered, glaring at Kinoshita.

Dont you laugh at me, this shaggy guy!

A pitcher, he said.

Kato! Thats great!

The smallest club member, Kato, as he was called, was pushed to the top of the line. He was the short pitcher, standing on the mound and pitching. Being pushed forward, he bowed politely to me, though slightly intimidated.

O-Oh, um Id like to talk to you about a lot of things as were in the same position.

Perhaps it wasnt that he was gloomy but his voice was muffled by nervousness. His fists were clenched and his shoulders were raised to the extreme.

I still cant forget about my former coach but Ill be sure to follow you! Please teach me how to pitch well! And teach us to win!

As the club members teased Kato, he shuddered like a puppy and fixed a desperate gaze my way. Despite his small size, Kato had an unparalleled passion for baseball.

Oh, leave it to me.

Under normal circumstances, I should have said that proudly but I couldnt just accept the job carelessly.

Listen, I know everyone is excited but no decision has been made yet.

This time, I dragged Kinoshita to a location distant from the ground after he rattled the fence and informed the clamoring club members.

Stop it. Dont arbitrarily go on with your story.

Isnt that fine, Coach Hakamada? You look cool, you know?

You

In the cool shade of the warehouse, I crossed my arms and insisted that Kinoshita retract his words.

How come Im the coach?

Dont be so mad.

Even if you suddenly said that to me, Ill be confused. Besides, Im a complete amateur.

We all start out as amateurs.

That doesnt mean I can do it! When they look at me with such expectation, I feel so guilty for betraying them!

Didnt everyone look pleased?

Yeah, they did. Thanks to the fact that someone laid out a load of crap. I responded dismissively.

They need you, Masa.

I told you, I cant do it.

Kindly lend a hand. As long as you do it, they will be able to move forward once again. I havent seen such a happy look on their faces in a long time. Seeing them so happy made you feel a little better, too, didnt it?

I didnt reply, but honestly, I was faintly happy. It was somewhat similar to the feeling I had when I turned around after striking out against an opponent and my teammates were delighted. Back then, I was happy to be needed by the team. Perhaps because everyone was happy, it was one of the reasons why I liked baseball so much. Thinking that way, I felt that it would be like that time again Such a feeling almost swept over me.

Its time for you to move on too, Masa. What you wish to do is best known to you. Stopping, brooding, contemplating. Isnt that enough?

Enough?

No way. No matter how much I stopped, I would never be able to acknowledge to myself that it was enough.

You should think about moving on for Hyugas sakefor the sake of that girl who couldnt liveinstead of remaining stationary for her.

For me, this advice was a beacon of light in the midst of the darkness, who had been devastated by my sin and was on the edge of despair.

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