Chapter 397 Hang In There

[ PRESENT TIME ]

Maxen had lost count of how many times he had read Cosette's journal. He got it around a month after learning her condition; Cosette handed it to him when he found her writing something lengthy on her desk.

The contents of her journals were ridiculous, especially the ones at the beginning of the journal. Any sane person would think someone who had a vast imagination wrote it. However, the more he read it, the more Cosette's actions since the beginning made sense.

After that initial story, she wrote down as a 'guide,' Cosette focused on writing her day-to-day life. Each page was full of life, and just reading it would fill his heart with warmth. Knowing her perspective somehow put some ease in his heart, despite being lost at the beginning of the story where he was known as Maxen Devilsin.

Cosette openly said this was her favorite story, but little did she know, it was also Maxen's. The only difference was that Maxen knew the real ending of the story while Cosette believed it stopped after their first marriage.

"Sometimes, I wish the story stopped in that first marriage..." whispered Maxen, closing the journal in his hand. He slowly shifted his eyes to Cosette's portrait, smiling. "How I wish life truly has its happy ending where life just stopped when the word THE END appeared."

"Thank you, Cosette... for saving me." His thumb caressed her portrait as his eyes softened. "And I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Cosette saved everyone around her, but none of them were able to save her. All they could do was watch as her illnesses take her away from them. Maxen couldn't blame her friends -- especially the Quinn brothers for pouring their anger on Maxen.

After all, Maxen hid her condition for as long as he could from Luke. It was the deepest reason Luke hated Maxen now. Well, Cosette didn't want those dear to her heart to stop their worlds just because she was dying, but Luke never tried to understand that.

Meanwhile, Asher did his best to get the best doctors to treat Cosette. However, even when Cosette was no longer capable to make decisions on her own, Maxen still refused to give her treatments. If only Cosette stayed in the hospital, she would probably still be alive. Her health might not improve, but at least she was alive.

It was the reason Asher blamed himself for not fighting for his love back then. The thoughts that maybe he would win her heart over if he tried harder never left him. Of course, Asher wasn't foolish to believe he had a chance. But the fact that he didn't try would remain as a pang of guilt for him.

"Or me," whispered Maxen, placing the portrait in front of him. Maxen slowly got up from his seat, marching to the niche where her ashes rest. He opened it up, taking his time as if he had all the time in the world.

Maxen took the urn out, hugging it securely with him. Without a word, he walked away from the place to go somewhere only he knew. He secured the urn to the front passenger seat, driving away without a word. Soon, he reached the beach he frequented with Cosette; the place where he would carry her, and also the place where she took her last breath.

Hugging the urn, Maxen stood by the shore with his eyes on the end of the dark ocean.

"Three years, Cozie," he spoke after a prolonged silence. "I don't know how many times I stood in this place. Each time, a voice would whisper in my ear, telling me if I go over there, I'll see you."

The corner of his lips curled up as tears formed in his eyes. "Every time that happens, I always had your journal with me. It reminds me of how you saved me and how you treasure my life. However... three years of battling this pain, grief, this longing, and these voices -- I am starting to question why am I even fighting? What is the point of enduring all these things when I cannot even go to you?"

"No matter what I do, I will never see you, hold you, kiss you, or even hear you. Even if I run all night or go to the ends of the world, I will never find you. I can't do this anymore, Cosette." Maxen shook his head, hugging the urn tightly as he broke down. "I'm sorry... I don't see the value you see in my life."

"Without you in it, it was nothing." Maxen hiccuped, mustering the courage to raise his head. Tears flooded his face, yet his lips stretched from ear to ear.

In a matter of minutes, his shoes and socks were left on the sand, together with her urn. Maxen dragged his feet to the cold waters of the quiet beach, undisturbed as the water level goes up to his stomach. He didn't stop.

"Cosette," he called with a smile, keeping his eyes ahead. "I'm coming, darling."

In Maxen's eyes, Cosette was just waiting for him, smiling. Hence, he quickened his pace, taking large steps and fighting against the heavy and calm waves.

"Cosette, I am almost... there... wait for me..."

"Stop!!!" the woman's voice screaming behind him went past his ear, ignoring it as he continued his plan. "Maxen Devilsin! Stop this right now! I said STOP!"

Suddenly, a hand grabbed Maxen's arm to stop him. Using all her strength, she pulled him back, which made Maxen look back.

"Don't do this, Maxen." The woman shook her head, speaking through her gritted teeth. "Please."

Maxen blinked, refocusing his eyes on the woman who stopped him from ending his life.

"Who... are you?" he narrowed his eyes, assessing the woman's face before life returned to his eyes. "Cosette?"

The woman looked at him with unbending determination in her eyes; they looked like Cosette's. Actually, the woman resembled Cosette but looked a little older.

"Don't kill yourself, Maxen Devilsin," said the woman, ignoring what Maxen called her. "If you do, you will never see her again."