CH 425

Thread

Shalloak kept going down and down into a deep into a never-ending darkness. It was a world with no sight, no sound, no smell, no taste, and not even any feeling.

I see… So this is how it feels to be dead…

He was at the very last stop. Now, his life was over. It would all be over. What he had planned for tomorrow, what he was getting ready to sell… It would be all for nothing. Cut off from life for good. When Shalloak saw this, he was surprised to find himself shaken.

He knew what his death would feel like. That’s what his dream told him. He knew this day would come. But it was always going to happen. Some day. Eventually. He didn’t think it would come so quickly. He was no longer the calm and emotionless trader. He was scared. He was filled with feelings. Anxiety, fear, and worry coiled around his heart like shapeless vines.

He was sure that the way he had lived his life was right because of his pride. But pride had no power in the face of death’s endless nothingness. It took away his mask and left him with nothing but sorrow. Undeniable, inescapable sorrow.

He could hear his own words echoing.

I see. So I failed, and then I didn’t admit that I had failed. And every time I had a chance to make things right, I messed up and let those chances go.

He was stubborn his whole life and chose to fail until the very end. His soul started to be eaten away by despair. He knew now that the dream had come true. As it said, he would never wake up again. As his last bit of strength left him, he could feel himself sinking. Down below, he was surrounded by a thick, murky fog.

Then he saw it: a strange white thread that was very thin. It hung down and, as it moved toward him, broke up the black around it. The thread looked like it could break with just a little pull. He reached for it anyway, but he didn’t know why or what he hoped to achieve. He reached for it with his arm, hand, and even the tips of his fingers, like a dying person grabbing at a straw.

He woke up then.

“Huh? Where…”

It was all white. He heard a voice in his ear.

“Master Shalloak, it looks like you’re awake.”

He looked in the direction of the voice. As soon as he could see again, a young girl came into view. He knew who she was.

“You were with Princess Mia, weren’t you?”

“I’m Tatiana. I’m attending at Saint-Noel Academy right now because of the grant program you set up.”

“Whuh? Hold on, that’s—”

Tatiana’s voice was followed by what seemed to be a strange voice, but his mind was already too foggy to think about it any further.

“Scholarship? What’s that?”

A memory from when he was just starting out as a trader came back to him. He had, in fact, made something like that after finishing his first big job well. Back then, he was still so naive that he said he wanted to use his money for the good of other people and society.

So stupid. So dumb. I didn’t know how hard the world was or how nasty people could be. It was a stupid thing that a stupid man did.

Program for scholarships? He would laugh if he had the energy. It was a waste of time and didn’t earn a single gold coin.

Nothing but a bunch of silly feelings. It doesn’t matter…

He took a moment to think about the idea again. His mouth moved into a sarcastic smile.

“Which, I guess, says it all about my life, too.”

He had lost his way because he had looked into the core of his life and found that it had no purpose or value. He didn’t know what was right anymore.

“I see you’ve come back to us.”

When he heard another voice, he turned to look in that direction.

“I’m glad to hear that you’re safe, even if you’re not 100% healthy.”

He was in front of the princess of Tearmoon.

“… Your Majesty? What are you doing here? I don’t think you came to wish me a quick recovery.”

Mia didn’t answer right away. She quickly looked at Tatiana as if she wanted to make sure, but all she did was shake her head. Then she smiled at him with her teeth showing.

“Well, actually, no. I came to this place to finish you off.”

“Oh, how dangerous. Then, what will it be? Poison, perhaps?”

Shalloak tried to get out of bed, but Mia stopped him by putting her hand up.

“Ease up, don’t hurt yourself. I mean, if you pass out again, it will be a problem. I’d like it if you just stayed in bed.”

If this had been the old Shalloak, he would have risen no matter what. He thought that getting in the right position was one of the most important parts of being able to negotiate well. Was it more successful for him to stand up straight and look down his nose, or to sit down and act like he knew everything? It all depended on what was going on. Sometimes, a person should bend at the knees or even get down on all fours. No matter what, he made a choice based on what he thought was best. This time, though, he just did what Mia told him to do. After his close call with death, he had no desire or reason to put on a show.

“Yes, yes, just like that. It’s great when folks just pay attention. Still, to answer your question, no, it won’t be poison. I don’t have to do anything at all, in fact.” Mia gave him a calm smile. “We all get what we plant. The things that will kill you are the seeds you planted yourself.”

Shalloak looked at the claim and blinked once. Then, he made a face that showed he understood.

“Ah… Well said. I agree with you completely.”

When he thought about what was making him sad, he realized that everything she said was true. He would die from something that wasn’t poison.

“In a way, it could even be said that you’ve already met your end.”

If that was death, that complete feeling of hopelessness, and being eaten by it was just a matter of time, then he might have died already. He already knew “how” he was going to die. What did the “when” have to do with anything? Her cutting comment hit him in the chest and shook him to the core.

“What I’m saying is that you shouldn’t go around planting seeds you can’t handle, but I guess my advice is too little, too late, isn’t it? Shalloak, you bring about your own death.”

“It does seem to be, doesn’t it…?”

He shook his head slowly.

Where did I make a mistake…?

He must have, if that dark pit of misery was the last place he went in his life…

Maybe the end of everyone’s trip was a death without hope or salvation. Maybe, in the end, the void came for all of them. But at that time, it was hard for him to think that way because the girl in front of him, who had risen to become the Great Wisdom of the Empire, didn’t seem to fit in. He just couldn’t see her ending up in the same empty place.

Sowing seeds I can’t handle, huh… So then, there are people who can find peace in that bottomless pit of despair? I guess so, but I don’t have the strength to be one of them. But what should I do now that I know this? Was I ever supposed to do anything?

Mia watched as he had a rare moment of deep thought and sadness. For some reason, she looked at him with sympathy.