Chapter 243 - Weakness

A long time ago, she did try being in a relationship with someone. It was with a long time ago and did not let go.

From that experience, Pupillam learned that it's easier to let go. Rather than purge herself further into darkness, rather than cause his pain to grow even further, she had to let him go. For his sake more than for her own. When she did, her heart, felt a lot lighter than before.

"So that's how it is. But you know Pupillam, I believe that guy did love you." Kyoya trailed of and flicked her forehead, "Although you shouldn't hear this from me. You know I went ahead and asked him about it, and he said 'I wouldn't have gone out with a girl I didn't like.'"

Her eyes went wide, as she recalled something the Princess told her not too long ago.

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"I don't think he would have dated someone who he doesn't have feelings for — stuff like walking you home and answering your calls — and meeting up with you whenever something goes wrong. I believe it's small stuff like that show a person's affections. Especially in his case since he can't express his emotions well, you have to pay attention to the small details."

"How do you know?" Pupillam raised her eyebrows at the Princess somewhat wise sounding words. The Princess she served isn't stupid or anything. But when it comes to romance, she usually is clueless.

"Intuition maybe? No, it's more like faith. At the end of the day, having faith and a strong belief in the one you love is important, isn't it?"

Pupillam stared at the girl with wide eyes.

"I believe communication is something difficult for couples. Even more for those who have yet to express their feelings for each other. But it's not impossible."

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Present 

Earlier last year, they had that talk. Last year, huh?

'If your happy and well, that's all I could ever ask for.'

Now that she thought about it, Prince Andrew said those strange words to her.

"Pupillam?

"I made a mistake.." she murmurs.

She shouldn't have said it like that. She shouldn't have said goodbye to Prince Andrew in such away.

She should have clearly expressed it to him. How important he had been to her, how much she cared. Kyoy doesn't say anything and merely patted her head and pulled her closer to him. Maybe it was the relief or the fact that she once again indulged in this warmth. But Miya found the tears falling from her eyes at an alarming rate. She's worry; she's sorry, Prince Andrew.

Even if she can no longer tell him those words, just like that person, anything lingering will be buried away entirely because this is the only thing left that she can do to respect him.

.....

It was strange. Wearing her hair down, was strange. Not wearing her uniform was strange. Pupillam was used to wearing the Knight uniform. She wears it everywhere, even to gatherings.

Using high heels shouldn't be strange because it's not as if she's not used to them, but it looks like she wasn't that comfortable when they broke, and she ended up on the floor.

After she parted ways with Kyoya, she ended up falling down and tripping. Since she was too distressed after the banquet, she ended up falling asleep in her heels. She didn't bother changing into her regular shoes when she woke up too. Falling down is one thing, but the rain that came afterward was awful.

"My dear." Then before she knew it, she was following her fiance, into his place. It wasn't his family manor but a slightly smaller place. Pupillam was surprised by his actions; she didn't think he would be gentleman enough to carry an injured woman home.

It didn't take long before they arrived, then again she noted how fast he was walking. Lord Amakaze placed her down and told her to get changed, while he tried to fix up her shoes. Naturally, Pupillam would hesitate, the two of them may be engaged with each other. But for now, this engagement is still in a fragile state.

Pupillam nonetheless took the spare clothes he brought out and entered the shower room. For a male household, it was cleaner than she expected. As she ran the water through her body, her thoughts remained utterly distracted. Lately, it feels like she keeps showing her weak side and worrying about other people. It's a good thing that the Princess hasn't noticed yet. If she were to notice, then things really would end up badly. The Princess is a very caring person if she were to find out then..

A deep sigh escaped her lips; she ought to refrain from causing the Princess far too many problems. The Princess already has a lot on her mind right now.

..

"For safety reasons, you should stay here. I'll treat your wound."

Pupillam raised her eyebrows, "I'm surprised you can treat wounds."

Amakaze smiled, "Do you have a problem with it?"

Pupillam said nothing and stared at the place. For a guys place, it really is clean here.

"Since your here, you may as well keep me company for a drink or two," Amakaze said meanwhile removing his wet shirt and picked up a dry shirt not too far from where he was.

Now that she thought about it, Lord Amakaze wears western clothes. She is used to the people in the castle wearing both western and eastern clothing.

Pupillam couldn't help but stare at the red tattoo on his back and blinked. For somebody who trained a lot, he sure has smooth skin. Droplets of water remained on his hair and fell to the ground. An amused smile appeared on his face, and Pupillam understood why. It's not like she was checking him out or anything, however, 'That tattoo looks familiar.' Pupillam thought. Where did she see it before? Still, she has to admit that he's a bit different than what the rumors portray.

It set a strange feeling in her heart; he was the right-hand man of somebody important. But there was something almost innocent about him. Innocent, huh? Then again it was the same for the Princess too. It felt like the Princess always wore her heart on her sleeve - whenever she is in public. People view her as a cold woman. But in private, she's the complete opposite. Ditzy, childish and innocent.

'It's the same for that person too,' Pupillam thought. A flash of blonde hair appeared in her head.

Pupillam understood that it was going to be difficult for her, after all. These days, everything reminds her of Prince Andrew. She even stayed with her relatives for long and didn't accompany the Princess on her trip to the Snow Kingdom because of it. If the Prince hadn't summoned her over, even now she would remain hiding away in her relative's place.

Since she started to serve the Princess, so many years have passed. But it seems like she already forgot about that rule. Do not fall in love with a noble. Though she met Prince Andrew beforehand - before she knew he was a Prince. Once she learned his identity, she should have left it at that. Why continue something meaningless? She hated feeling this way, feeling so weak and bitter.