CH 5

After the uncle went out, saying he would think about it, there was silence in the room. It wasn’t that uncomfortable. I looked down at the polaroids on the table for a long time. The expressionless face staring at the camera only looked awkward to me, who had not even looked properly in the mirror for five years. That picture will probably be the beginning of my career in front of the camera from now on, but it didn’t feel real to me.

“Did you know Yoohan hyung before?” 

Slowly raising my head, I made eye contact with the boy who had a serious expression. He was probably 21 or 22? That face was more cute than masculine. As soon as I stared at him without answering, he became a little embarrassed.

“Ah, should I not have asked that question?”

“No. You can ask whatever you want. But whether I’ll answer is another matter. Because I don’t trust you yet.”

“You can trust me.” He added and promised. “Yoohan hyung doesn’t like me either. CEO Choi treats me very well…” 

He frowned and lowered his eyes as if he was recalling the past.

“Yoohan hyung was one of the few popular actors in our company. Even when we were in the same company, he had a self-centred personality so we weren’t close, but I didn’t expect him to betray us like that when the contract expired. Although the company is not big, there are rarely good people like CEO Choi in the industry. He respects the actor’s will, supports what they want to do, and perseveres until they succeed. But just as Yoohan hyung had just risen to prominence thanks to the director…”

Mumbling as if he was depressed, he raised his eyes again.

“When it was time to extend the contract, he asked for a down payment in advance, so the CEO-nim worked very hard to gather several hundred million won. But it turned out that he had already signed the contract with another company. Really… when I think about what happened back then.”

“Then why didn’t you get it back?”

When I asked, he sighed loudly.

“Of course we wanted to get it back. So the CEO filed a lawsuit, but Yoohan hyung’s side responded that it was alimony because he didn’t receive the money he earned while working for our agency, so the trial lasted a long time. But that’s nonsense. He always took money from the CEO in advance, saying that he needed it. Only our CEO-nim was made out to be a vicious business owner. It took about a year to get the first trial ruling. His lawyer was really tenacious… in the end, it was decided that we would only receive 1/5 of the original amount that was taken away. Tch, even if we received it, it wasn’t enough to pay for the lawyer at that time. The problem is that we didn’t even get the money because we appealed from the other side.”

Melancholy spread again in his eyes although he tried to tell the story in a cheerful voice. 

“That incident hurt the company a lot. After losing a huge sum of money at once, we still had to pay for the lawyer, and investors were trying to recover their money because popular artists were leaving… In the end, we had to cancel the lawsuit because we didn’t have any money. As the company’s situation worsened, all the remaining members left. It took so long for the company to grow, but it fell apart in an instant…”

“You didn’t leave.”

When I pointed it out, he scratched his head shyly, saying, “Ah, that’s…”

“I owe the boss a lot. In order to act, I’ve come and gone from place to place since high school, and the other places didn’t accept me. Well… I have a camera phobia. Haha~ Funny, right?” 

“Yes. ”

“…”

“…”

“Hmm, but our CEO-nim’s speed is very fast. The only company that accepted him was this one, he took me along with him and I watched him become Yoohan hyung’s manager. The CEO-nim said it was okay, but I started crying initially. I told him, let’s get revenge, but the CEO said that then you will become a dirty person like Yoohan. Honestly, I wanted the boss to quit. Although this was the only place that accepted us, it was very difficult. It was decided that he was to receive the profit depending on the actor he is in charge of. In the meantime, I have very little income…” 

I didn’t say that the income generated by Song Yoohan would soon be cut off. I didn’t have to tell him in advance that the manager might be replaced tomorrow. I swallowed back what I was about to say and looked at the door where the soda uncle has yet to return.

“Does Song Yoohan have a sponsor?”

Hearing no answer, I turned my head to see him with his mouth closed with an awkward expression. Seeing that difficult expression, I asked lightly.

“The sponsor must be a man?” 

“Ah, how do you know?”

“I don’t know much about this field, is it rare to have a sponsor?”

“…No. It’s common.”

If Song Yoohan is popular like that, his sponsor must have some power. I was speculating, but then I heard a small voice, as if telling a secret. 

“It’s hard to succeed here just with acting skills. Especially on TV. The recognition rises depending on how much you show your face, so everyone is desperate to appear on TV an additional time. Because of that, you can’t last long without money. You can appear on the screen once or twice, but how can you stand out like that? So in order to come out on TV continuously, you have to have the support of money… But if you want to do that, you must have a lot of money yourself, or sponsors. So that’s how it is.”

He looked straight at me after hesitating.

“If you want to grab a sponsor and get popular quickly, it would be best to find someone else. CEO Choi doesn’t like to provide sponsors or give bribes to insert people into programs. And he doesn’t have the ability to do that…”

“I don’t expect that kind of ability.” 

“Isn’t that what you need?”

Of course I need it. I nodded as I examined the vague plan that had just popped up in my mind.

“But I’ll take care of that part.”

How will you do that? His expression was evident on his face but he held back. I ignored it and asked another question. 

“Other than that, how is CEO Choi’s ability to train actors?”

“Definitely the best.”

He answered firmly and smiled.

“You know, at first, you kept being expressionless and talking stiffly but the more I talked to you, the more attracted I became.” 

Then he mumbled ‘CEO Choi’s a good judge of character’ and smiled.

“I’ve told you so much, can you trust me and tell me the story? Are you acquainted with Yoohan hyung?”

I nodded.

“Since when?” 

“A long time ago.”

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“Wah, when you smile, you look like…”

“It’s something similar.”

“What? Ah, you also got robbed. You must have lost a lot of money if you’re seeking revenge.”

“Not really.” 

“…”

“…”

“Um, if you didn’t really lose much money then why must you take revenge…”

‘And then there’s our CEO who was robbed of hundreds of millions of won,’ I heard some additional mumbling afterwards. I know that the money I lost was a few million won, and it wasn’t like Myeongshin actually killed my brother. The cause lies with me anyway. 

Like Myeongshin said, ‘I do not know. Whether he’s dead or not. It’s the thug’s fault that things turned out like that.’

Yeah, it was my fault. Myeongshin’s only fault was that he just wanted to live for himself. So it’s only me, the person who needs revenge. Because I’m the same dirty guy. I learned this by living in the world. Retributive justice does not come just by waiting. It’s only when I take action that retribution will come to the other party. Merely waiting for someone to be punished is like waiting for heaven’s punishment.

Drrr-

When the uncle came back, I pushed the chair and got up from my seat and told them to contact me. Before I turned away, I gave him my reason for getting revenge. 

“I’ve been free since yesterday.”

———

The rooftop of the building was decorated like a garden. There were rows of trees taller than humans, and benches in between. This place, which was used as a resting place, was not crowded because it was early in the morning after 1.30 am. It was time to go to bed and sleep but my mind was very clear. I leaned against a chest-high wall and looked down at the scattered world that was like the red light of a cigarette butt. I’ve decided to take revenge, but there was still something holding me back. It was a pretty funny worry. What if I get so caught up in revenge and forget my faults? Until now, paying back the money has been a reminder to me like an alarm: you’re paying for your sins now. What used to be a clear indicator has disappeared now, and now that I was concerned about someone else’s sins, I feel useless anxiety. I made a mistake and I still have a lot more to atone for. I mustn’t forget that.

Then I suddenly thought, was I always this kind of person? I held back the bitter smile that was about to come out. I thought that my previous self came out, determined to take revenge, but the past five years must have had a great influence on me. Then I realised. The indicators that I need to punish myself are already in my head. 

Memory. A clear memory of that day five years ago was enough. Even as time goes by, I remember the feeling of entering an empty house as clear as yesterday. The room where the owner was stuffed with traces of life. Suddenly, I wanted to smoke. I haven’t smoked in five years, but I guess my desire for cigarettes has revived along with myself from five years ago. Or maybe it was because of the faint smell of cigarettes.

I must not have been the only one on the rooftop, as the smell was mixed with the wind as it blew. I took a step and went inside. Someone was biting a cigarette in front of a tall tree in the middle. I couldn’t see his face well because it was dark, but I couldn’t stand the desire for a smoke that had suddenly revived, and approached him.

“Can I have a cigarette?” When I spoke, he glanced away as if nothing had happened. I wanted to give up at this point because I thought he was a jerk with that attitude of ignoring me, but the smell flowed strongly into me again in the wind.

“I’m not asking for it for free. I just need one.” 

Plop.

A burning cigarette fell near my feet. The other party’s intentions were too obvious; smoke it and shut up. I looked down at it, which was still burning red, as I heard footsteps turning around. I bent down and picked up the cigarette that fell on the floor and bit in my mouth. The end was unpleasantly damp because it had been in someone else’s mouth, but I didn’t care. As I inhaled, the smoke ran down my throat and spread inside. Perhaps because it’s been a while since I last smoked, I felt a little dizzy for a moment. But there was no problem doing what was needed.

“Wait a minute.”

Fortunately, when I called the person who had already started walking away, he turned around. I could see his expressionless face stopped under the lamp. Looking at him, I took a coin out of my pocket and threw it. 

Clink, clink. Drrr~

As I looked at the 200 won coin that rolled a little and then stopped, I added.

“Keep the change.”

And I tried to turn around, I paused as I saw his lips slowly curve upwards as he looked at the coin. There was even a small dimple next to the lips. People whose eyes naturally curve when they smile make a good impression. At that moment, I felt like I had seen it somewhere, but a light laugh interrupted my thoughts. 

“You miscalculated, idiot.”

The person in front of me could have made a good impression, given that smiling face and soft voice. However, the meaning of the words from him was the opposite. This tremendous difference made me alert. That smiling face and the familiar way of speaking. At that moment, tension rushed down my spine. There was only one thing that came to mind. He’s a madman.

“Are your ears blocked?”

I stared at him while listening to the urge of his gentle voice. Then I saw the non-smiling eyes on his face. Was it because I fought a bit in the past and did bad things? That experience naturally allowed me to know who was stronger than me. Even if I get down on my knees, or deal with him, I would be the only one who suffers. The problem was me. Because I’m sure I won’t get down on my knees. 

“That’s right. I miscalculated. That’s why I told you to keep the change.”

The corners of his eyes curved even more. But I couldn’t smile.

“Change? Ah, this.”

He stretched out his hand, showed me the 200 won, and added kindly. 

“Sure. If you give me 200 million won, this would be the change.”

200 million won for a half-smoked cigarette? Was that jerk trying to strike a fortune with a cigarette that was thrown away.

“Don’t talk nonsense.”

He replied coldly in a lazy tone. 

“Should I tell you my one secret? I don’t make jokes.”

The words came out lightly like a joke, but there was a cold look in his non-smiling eyes.

“The price is determined by the seller. If you had asked me for cigarettes in the first place, you should have thought about the price.”

I frowned and stared at him. 

“Who are you?”

As if the question was unexpected, the smile vanished for a moment but the lips soon returned to their original curves.

“I’m sick of this. You’ve probably heard something from somewhere and taken a similar approach to what I’m looking for, but I’ve already come across people like you several times.”

I couldn’t lift my frown as I tried to understand the bored voice. A similar approach? People like me? As I opened my mouth to tell him to stop talking nonsense, I suddenly remembered the first time I came here. There were high school girls waiting for someone outside the building with eyes full of anticipation. Ah, right. This was an entertainment agency. Did he mistake me for those kind of fans? I stared him in the face again. The more I looked at it, the more familiar it seemed. However, it was clear that I didn’t know this person. 

“You must be mistaken, I don’t know how famous of an actor you are, but even 200 won is too much for me.”

“…Actor?”

“Or are you a singer?”

“…” 

He smiled and stared at me with a somewhat languid gaze. What, was he a comedian? I was surprised, but I heard a dry question.

“Don’t you belong to this agency?”

“No… Not yet.”

To my answer, he murmured, “’Not yet’ huh,” and took a step closer to me. As he approached, my hands tensed up subconsciously. But then as he stopped, he suddenly smiled. 

“Let me correct myself. You are quite interesting, so I’ll give you a discount. However, only if your value increases. Go through the interview first. Then I will give you a 1% discount.”

What interview? Anyway, it was absurd to have to pay more than that.

“That’s funny.”

“I’m sad. I even told you the secret that I don’t joke.” 

I frowned again at the languid voice. Then, I threw the half-burnt cigarette in front of him.

“Let’s do a refund. Give me my money.”

But instead, he put the coin in his pocket and took another step closer.

“Take it away from me. Then I’ll give you a refund.” 

The bored voice came from that smiling face again.

“Although I don’t think you have the skills to do that.”

It was clearly a provocation, and before I knew it, I raised my fist without realising it. But then in my head I remembered something, what the soda uncle told me.

“If you want to be an actor, your face is your life. If you’re going to do it, you should never hurt your face from now on.” 

Tsk. Clicking my tongue, I took a step back. Seeing my actions, the other party looked disappointed.

“You don’t look like a coward… Ah, is it because you’re afraid your face will get injured?”

He hit the nail on the head. I was momentarily taken aback by his words, unable to respond. He was quick-witted, he smiled and approached me quickly. No, it was his fist that came first.

Pa! 

I was hit in the stomach, which had been open because I was blocking my face. In an instant, I choked, and vibrations, along with pain, spread from the inside, starting from the affected area. I stumbled back and clenched my teeth and held out with two legs. Swish~ I turned my head to the side, and as his arm passed with a gust of wind, I quickly struck it with my hand and stretched out my other hand.

Thanks to that crazy man who relentlessly aimed at my face and threw his fists, my lips had already cracked. It seemed to be a little grazed, but blood flowed from my lips with a burning sensation. I was busy blocking my face, but the smell of blood almost made me lose my temper. If I were the person I used to be, I would have just come at him without covering my front or back. But I guess I’ve changed a bit. It seems that he wasn’t planning to give up on my face even though I was beaten up horribly. Thanks to him, my body was in a state of exhaustion and now I’m rolling on the floor at his feet.

Thud.

When my body hit the hard cement floor, a loud sound resounded on the quiet rooftop. It was a good thing that I wrapped my hands around my face so it didn’t get injured, but looking at my overall appearance, I got annoyed. Damn it, how can a comedian fight so well? I tried to get up with a dizzy head, but I unfortunately couldn’t. 

“Ugh.”

I didn’t raise my head and let out a short moan. When he approached me, he pressed down my neck with one hand. Then, he talked in a leisurely tone.

“You’re quite good.”

On the contrary, the compliment hurt my pride. Would the outcome have changed if I seriously attacked him? As I recalled with irritation, I felt something on my lips. I flinched. Turning my head in surprise, I saw his expressionless face. He swept my swollen lips with the other hand that was not pressing down my neck. He twisted his face as though he hated it but a smile came to his lips. Then, he pressed hard on my swollen lips that were already bleeding. 

“Urgh…!”

I reflexively let out a pained cry and stared at him. I ran into a really annoying guy.

“I like those eyes.”

Unlike the laziness in the tone, those cold eyes looked down at me. 

“Who scouted you?”

“…”

“Your name?”

“…” 

When I didn’t answer, a gentle smile that didn’t look like a smile appeared on his face. He squeezed my neck even tighter as he smiled.

“What’s your purpose in approaching me?”

I couldn’t help but answer this question.

“For cigarettes. Who knows who you are.” 

I spat out with a hoarse throat. For a moment, I thought he narrowed his eyes slightly, but before I knew it, a smile came back to his face.

“You really don’t know me.”

“I don’t watch TV.”

His eyes curved like a crescent moon. Then, his hand came back to my lips. I reflexively flinched as my wound was pressed, but his thumb had already touched my lips. This time, I put up with him as he slowly traced the contours of my lips. A chill ran down my spine. 

“Take your hands off me.”

I muttered in annoyance, but he turned a deaf ear to my words and other words came out of his mouth.

“You are not the type to be a celebrity. Because there is no aspiring celebrity who doesn’t even watch TV.”

“…” 

“But you desperately covered your face to become a celebrity.”

The finger that was moving over my lips stopped. His expression disappeared, and he looked down at me with emotionless eyes.

“You must have another reason?”

It wasn’t because he was pressing down my neck that I couldn’t breathe. It was because of the creepy feeling as if the eyes looking down at me were penetrating through me. Still, I didn’t avoid the gaze. I couldn’t stand the sarcastic remarks. 

“It’s not because of you, so it doesn’t matter.”

The corners of his mouth went up slowly and a small dimple appeared next to it. There was something familiar about that appearance. I think I’ve seen it somewhere…

Drrring~

Suddenly, a sound out of the ordinary woke up the atmosphere that had subsided. Before I could realise that it was the sound of my phone, someone’s hand quickly snatched it first. Taking it out of my pocket, he turned the phone on at a height beyond my reach. I always set the volume to the maximum because I usually have to handle delivery calls when I’m outside. However, the sound now, which always felt small when I was running around with things in hand, resounded like a speaker on the rooftop in the middle of the night. 

「Where are you? CEO Choi- I mean, manager-nim is back. I think he’s decided to work with you. Actually, he doesn’t like your purpose of getting revenge but…」

Clatter~

While he was distracted by the sound of the phone, I pushed him away, and the phone crashed onto the floor. Fortunately, the battery fell out so there were no more sounds. I quickly stood up and picked up my phone, cursing in my heart. I didn’t want to deal with him anymore. 200 million or whatever nonsense, that’s enough. If he blocked me again, I’m going to come at him regardless of my face. But instead of blocking me, he turned his body and let me pass.

“Try to pass the interview well. That way, you can get a discount from me.” 

He bit the cigarette back into his mouth. A red flame rose with the sound of the lid opening of the lighter, shining his face for a moment. Perhaps he noticed my gaze, he opened his mouth that was still holding a cigarette.

“Or I can help you instead of giving you a discount.”

“What kind of help?”

“Revenge. You’re trying to be a celebrity because of that.” 

I could have told him that what I heard on my cell phone had nothing to do with me and just turned around, but his next words stopped me.

“I can be your sponsor.”

What I was curious about was that, as a man, he naturally said that he could be a sponsor. How did he know my inclination? I stared at him silently and opened my mouth.

“I don’t need you.” 

“Since you didn’t say that you don’t want to, that means you’re fine with men too.”

“…”

“And you said you don’t need me. That means you need another sponsor. Who is it?”

There was no reason to answer, so I turned around as I heard a slow voice. 

“If you tell me, I’ll cut the price of cigarettes in half.”

But the words that followed stopped me again. To be exact, it was a cold voice without laughter.

“Or you’ll have to work like a dog all your life and pay back the money.”

Didn’t he say his secret was that he didn’t make jokes? It was obvious from his voice that he wasn’t joking now. I didn’t know I would be threatened with money that I didn’t have to pay back. For some reason, this situation felt funny. I turned my head and asked. 

“Why are you curious about that?”

“Just because.”

“…”

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep the secret.” 

Even if it was an empty promise, he seemed to be able to keep a secret. Although he was a madman trying to strike a fortune with a cigarette, he seemed like someone who would keep his word. But that wasn’t why I opened my mouth anyway. It was annoying; if I don’t answer, I don’t think he’ll let me go and keep on bothering me. So I told him the person I wanted to target.

“It’s the Director Yoon of this company.”

At that moment, I felt that his gaze had changed strangely, but I only thought of the soda uncle who was waiting downstairs and walked away. I didn’t want to see him again.