CH 157

An unknown feeling started to flood around Cesar’s feet, causing him to brush the nose of his shoe on the wall for no apparent reason. 

‘I know I should be relieved, but I still experience this uneasy feeling… Survival or death? Which one do I want it to be? I never wanted Edgar to die, but I’m afraid Liloa will abandon me after learning of his survival.’

After stuffing his spoils inside a pocket of his clothes, the petty officer turned to Cesar. Cesar, not even looking at the navy, took the lead and trod across the cabin deck. After passing through a bulkhead, the sailors who were doing their own work observed them in silence.

Cesar suddenly had a gut feeling. 

‘The atmosphere isn’t good. In particular, the momentum of the new crew is as tense as if they can explode at any moment.’

Like Lil, Cesar also harboured serious concerns about the other captains’ crew. 

‘With things turning out like this, I long back to the original Bell Rock crew. Liloa had set them up well, so it’s a pity that half of them are gone.’

Even Cesar acknowledged that, and that’s the reason why he couldn’t simply discard his lingering feelings. Perhaps that’s also why being with Lil meant wasting his own leadership and ability as she clearly didn’t need his help.

It made him look back on his relinquished glory. 

‘If I wanted to take it from Liloa, I could simply force it… I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help feeling sad about it.’

Cesar went up to the upper deck and washed his face dry. He was tired and exhausted. He had no intention of giving up on Lil, but there were days like this when he was close to reaching his limit. 

‘As much as I suffer, Liloa does too… And this tug of war is something that will surely happen again unless either of us let go…’

At times it got better, and sometimes it got even worse, but Cesar maintained a humble belief that things would definitely get better in the end. 

‘Thinking about the end, all the difficult things that are happening now will make up for it… But does Liloa feel the same way?

I’m not sure. I’m at a total loss for words. I would have quickly tire if I didn’t have such strong faith, yet it has been difficult even for me. I have no idea if my weary hand can ever let go of hers…’ 

Cesar pushed through the door to the captain’s office. Lil, who was speaking with the officer, gave him a faint smile. Cesar leaned against the doorpost, unsure whether it was even appropriate to laugh or not. 

After all, he struggled with the idea that he would never be the first to fall out between the two of them…

***

After Legardon’s battleship left, it felt ambiguous to even call it an early evening. Although it was the end of the sunset, the sky was roughly reddish. The gun deck, with the crew just having finished eating, was filled with smoke and the savoury smell of food. The sailors who cleaned up the seats opened the gun gates to ventilate the room. 

The shift on duty was about to begin , so the sailors were split into two streams and moved out. It was then that reverberation of the trumpet buzzed through the ship. This time between day and night was also the time for someone to turn up the lights. Courant, who was hanging lanterns one after another on the gun deck, suddenly turned his head. Beyond the open gun gates he saw the Navy’s battleship, which had already become small. It blended into the upcoming darkness with only its white mast vaguely recognizable.

After lighting all the lanterns, Courant came down to the cabin deck. The person he sought for would’ve gone to the lower deck to sleep. Holding a torch, he found the man without much difficulty. The small flame fluttered over the body that laid in its hammock. Sensing that the fire wasn’t passing by, the limp body turned to Courant. Fierce eyes belonging to a young man suddenly stared directly at the boy.

“What the hell!”

“..!”

Courant was startled and bitten.

“You little!”

“Whoa, Julio.”

Courant wasn’t thirsty, but his mouth felt like it caught on fire all of a sudden. Julio, who was only slightly annoyed, was already that intimidating. The dark lighting and the heinous atmosphere left by the navy’s inspection added to it all. Courant mustered up his courage with shaking legs. With Alain and Jericho remaining silent for some reason, it was up to him to inform the League of the gravity of the situation. At first, even when Ed was caught or when Lil summoned him to admonish him, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. However, Legardon inspection of the Bell Rock changed everything. 

‘I’ve been on the ship for years, but I’ve never heard about the Legardon Navy inspecting civilian ships, including those of the League. Obviously, something is brewing beyond the sea… No one knows about this important issue except for the Captain, the navigator, Alain, Jericho, and me. In addition, all of them are keeping their mouths shut… I can’t understand why everyone appears to be so relaxed… Of course, except for me, there’s no one among them who’s from Marchand, so they must have no idea how evil the Navy truly is. If we take this matter too lightly, the Bell Rock will sink before we can even deliver the news to Anunchio… Julio was born and raised in Marchand. And he looks strong and capable. He even confronted Lil, the Captain who till now couldn’t be touched. If I tell him everything, he might be able to turn this ship around before it’s too late.’

Courant opened his mouth as he approached Julio’s hammock.

“Julio. There’s something I need to tell you.”

***

If they had followed their original schedule, they would’ve reached Serlio by now. However, the setbacks and the rainy season delayed them.

Today started bright till the first rain fell. Raindrops started to pour down their sails. The dull sound of rain softened as the thick cloth slowly got wet. Sailors had to move quickly before the drenched sails became heavier, so they cursed to themselves as they climbed up the mast line. Along with the heavy rain, all kinds of swear words poured down from the crew.

The rain showed no signs of stopping. With Lil standing next to the wheel, the Bell Rock rode the rising waves and tilted to the left. Her body leaned over with it, causing the rainwater that had accumulated on top of her hat to trickle down, her left shoulder could do nothing but to catch such a waterfall. Gusts of wind rattled the wheel, so Lil squeezed her hand tightly. Nonetheless, the shaken steering wheel remained on course. Anxiety that they would lose their way forever if she slipped plagued Lil the whole time.

‘Three days.’

Lil had been holding on to the shaking wheel for three days. In the meantime, Cesar pretended to spend his daily life as usual. They were used to that. Acting like the fight was no big deal and brainwashing each other that no conflict or difference of opinion could ever be fatal to their union.

But there were some subtle changes compared to former confrontations. Lil remained silent. It was the first time Lil stayed silent even though she usually spoke to him first. As the heavy sense of distance increased day by day, Cesar grew paler and seldomly came out of his cabin. She also noticed that he hardly ate.

Thunder rumbled loudly on the Bell Rock. It wasn’t until after the roaring sound that Lil realised what was going on. When she came to her senses, the deck was crowded and boisterous. The undressed sailors took a bath and did their laundry on the main deck. They had crawled out one by one some time ago, and the sound of beating clothes was now louder than the rain. 

Lil reflected on her incompetence. 

‘In the end, I still have no idea what Cesar has done with the letter, and I have no idea whether Ed was truly innocent or not. Hell, I can’t even come up with a reason why the Legardon Navy did something they usually don’t… This was supposed to be an easy voyage. Even the mission was lighter than usual. It only entailed retrieving gold deposits and loading them onto the Bell Rock. But… I never felt this helpless before…’ 

Misty air burst out with her sigh. She felt out of breath again. 

Leaving the wheel to the helmsman, Lil went down to the stern. Dozens of eyes followed her as she walked on the deck, causing her rain-soaked body to turn cold…