Chapter 237 - You’re not the only one who is insecure, Innaya!

|Innaya|

The cold water acted as a harsh reminder, pulling me back to reality. Due to my hastiness, the wound on my finger tingled with pain. I had made the small wound almost turn into a hole because of drilling my nail in it. All the hurt, the pain of the past one month came rushing back to my head, making me slightly dizzy from the rush. 

The pain caused by Eshan's accusation of choosing Karan over him rang in my ears. His eyes had already given away his inner thoughts. No matter what reasoning he gave later on, the fact remained the same. There was a crack in the trust he had in me.

How easily Eshan behaved like nothing was wrong? I again fell for his tricks. How foolish of me! One moment he showered his love, and then he blew me away as if I was some sort of dirt on his shoes. Here, he was again trapping me with the illusion of his intimacy.

How could I forget those cutting words of his? How could I forget his suspicion because of Karan? How could I forget about everything so easily? 

"There… there." Eshan came to my side, holding my slightly quivering hands under the running water. His large palms covered mine, if he were to close them, my palms would be engulfed whole by them.

Stumped, I followed those fingers to the sharp elbows to muscled forearms... His bare chest brushed against my shoulders as I was turning sideways. 

Water Drops rolled down on my eyelids from my forehead causing me to blink.

"Sweetheart." Eshan caressed my palms before holding them in his right hand. He used his left hand to turn off the tap and took a towel from the side. Patting it on my forehead, he then wiped the water from my face. 

"Dad is waiting for us. We should not waste more time. If the bandage gets wet, we'll end up using more time. So, be good, and we can leave soon."

His words sounded foreign to me, and so did his face. This was the man I loved wholeheartedly. Then why my heart trembled as if I did not know him at all? Why sudden unfamiliarity?

I pulled my hands from him, abruptly. At the same time, I slid down from the counter, forgetting about not putting pressure on my sprained ankle. Everything happened in a spur of the moment; I only had one thought in mind… to get away from Eshan.

Eshan's reflexes worked more quickly than I could have imagined. Snaking his hand around my bare waist, he held me in the mid-air. 

***

|Eshan|

There. That cloud of uncertainty shrouded Innaya's features. Subconsciously her mind kept bringing back the unhappy moments of self-doubt and the low times of our relationship.

I thought she had forgotten about them temporarily while my distraction worked. Intentionally I had chosen to shift her thoughts and mood in the other direction. The human mind only stops thinking in either extreme fear or extreme pleasure.

I had seen the fear in her eyes when she almost succ.u.mbed to the panic attack outside in the room. So for her not to go back to that point, and to divert her attention, I decided to use the second point- pleasure.

Taking the route of our intimacy I thought, I could- but appeared like it did not work.

"Careful." Her soft flesh felt too good under my palms, but I had little time to relish the feeling. Snaking one arm around her shoulders and one around her lower back, I hoisted her up in my arms. Making sure that she did not put pressure on her leg. I sat her back on the counter amidst her struggle to get out of my hold.

Her wet palms burned my bare chest, igniting a fire of desire in the innermost part of my self-control. For the briefest moment her body had plastered to mine, and it caused the tiny jolts of passion to shoot through my whole body. 

"Let me go." Innaya used quite a force to shove me away, but given her lack of physical strength compared to mine, she did not make much of a difference.

"Be good, okay? We'll have to take another trip to the hospital. This time you might have to spend a longer time there until you recover completely," I said seriously, holding her captive with my arms.

"Why are you doing this?" Innaya whimpered helplessly, shutting her eyes. Her bare shoulders slumped as she looked frustrated suddenly.

I could see the emotional toll the whole situation had taken on her. Her thoughts were spinning in a tornado, hitting at her resolve of staying composed. 

Ignoring the strange tugging at my heartstrings of leaving her alone to give her some time, I inched further. Cupping her face, I warily observed her face for any signs of repulsion or rejection. When there was none, I sighed to myself.

I had to make things clear with her right now. "Sweetheart, you'll have to battle your insecurities. If we keep on holding to our past, we would never be able to close this chapter ever…"

Caressing her closed eyelids, I watched as her eyelashes fluttered, but she stubbornly held herself back. Unconsciously tugging at her bottom lip, Innaya looked too cute despite the severity of the situation. 

'Ah! My sweet little wife!' 

Those tiny little movements caused ripples of desire to shoot in my whole being. "You're not the only one who is insecure, Innaya," I admitted. 

Innaya's eyes opened ever so slowly, those warm pools of innocence stared at me in disbelief. 

"Is it that hard to believe?" I asked, amused at her reaction. 

Innaya nodded too quickly before she caught herself and looked away. Instantly the moment her eyes broke the contact, the familiar feeling of being deserted starting creeping. 

Moving my hands, I hugged her. Securing her head on my heart, my fingers moved through her midnight black hair- smoother than silk sheets, reaching for her scalp. Innaya resisted for a moment before relaxing.

"I am not lying. I truly felt insecure this past month. Perhaps you can trust my heart if not my words. Try to listen to what it says," I said lightly, applying little pressure and pressed her head.

I watched our reflection in the mirror mounted on the wall behind the sink. The two scars on her beautiful flawless skin stood out the most besides the tiny black mole just beside where her old scar started.

"Why are you insecure?" Innaya asked after staying silent for a whole minute, almost in a whisper. 

"Because sometimes after loving someone too much when you receive the same love in return… It makes you dependent on the person. That dependency brings insecurity. Fear of being abandoned. Left alone by the person you love with all your heart," I confessed without hiding a single thing about my emotions.

"Losing you is my worst fear that haunts me every now and then… With how our life has been taking twists and turns, I fear to lose you. When you're kidnapped, I had a premonition sort of a nightmare. That nightmare still comes back to me once in a while. I don't want to wake up one day to not have you by my side." The face of the man in the mirror blurred. When my eyes stung, the man in the mirror smiled sadly as if sensing my pain, and fears. 

Innaya gasped. She pulled away staring at my face. I sensed her gaze but I did not look down rather kept my gaze at the reflection in the mirror. I would rather witness my vulnerable self than letting her see my demons.

She deserved the best. Not some man who was so insecure and incompetent that he could not even safeguard the person he promised to cherish and treasure the most.