Chapter 146 - Opening Up (1)

|Innaya|

I shifted the hot water bag in the middle of my abdomen. Talking to him was taking my mind away from the pain. So, instead of postponing the topic for some other day, I decided to just explain him. He would be able to tell the doctor in the future if such kind of need arose.

"Back then, I was discharged from the hospital after I recovered from my external injury. No one suspected anything. Everyone assumed that change in my behavior and lack of response was because of the trauma. They thought I would recover over the period. It didn't happen. My condition only worsened. At that time no one in my family knew that there was something called post-traumatic stress disorder. On top of that no-body expected me to have it." I revealed.

Eshan silently listened. His fingers would occasionally caress my face, and he would adjust the hot water bag.

"Grandpa did some research when my condition continued to worsen. It was then he found about PTSD from my symptoms. I think my mom doesn't know about it. I'm not sure though. Apart from grandpa's memories, I can't recall anything from that phase," I elucidated. Even after stressing my brain, I never recalled anyone else other than grandpa.

Eshan hummed in response.

"I was ten when I started receiving proper treatment for my PTSD. Grandpa and the doctor had decided to do psychotherapy along with medications. For close to six-eight months, cognitive therapy lasted. At that time, I couldn't cope up with exposure therapy and EMDR." I told him briefly about the treatment I had sought after that event.

His fingers massaging my scalp halted as he processed my words. "EMDR? What's that?"

"Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing therapy," I answered. "I hadn't received the treatment for it."

"Oh! I remember now. Why did you not go for others?"

I fiddled with the hot water bag. "I couldn't handle the other two. Cognitive therapy alone took a toll on me. And, in some special cases, they mostly go with cognitive therapy along with medication." At that time, going through those sessions with my therapist, had me feel more beaten mentally. It took me four months to open up about what had happened.

Grandpa would follow me to my therapy sessions. Maybe, because grandpa was the one who saved me, I could trust no one but him. He was the only one I was comfortable with. My therapist had also once mentioned that she could not believe it. She could not believe that after what one man did to me, I could trust another one so easily.

In general cases, the patient would distance him/her from everyone. That wall they build around themselves was way too strong to get broken easily. However, in my case, that wall would crumble easily before grandpa.

Eshan's thumb gently rubbed the corner of my right eye. I felt the wetness against my skin. I did not realize when my eyes turned watery and a treacherous tear rolled down from the corner of my right eye.

"If you don't want to talk about it, then there's no need for it."

My ever so understanding husband was again back with his tremendous patience. He wanted to know the answers, yet he knew how to hold on. Unlike my curious and impulsive personality, he was the exact opposite. He had endless patience and maturity. We both were opposites in our nature, and yet when together we were perfect for each other.

I smiled despite feeling gloomy after remembering grandpa.

"There's nothing to hide. It's just that every time I think about it, grandpa's memories start resurfacing. I can't help but miss him." I confessed as I held his other hand that was resting by my side. I weaved my fingers in his as I stared at our interlocked palms.

He patted my head. The same comforting gesture our elders do to the children when they are sad or emotional.

Silence fell upon us. Neither I continued, nor did he say anything. Maybe, Fortune did not like the silent atmosphere as he made a growling sound at the back of his throat.

My eyes immediately went to him, and at the same time, Eshan's fingers squeezed mine in his hold as if he did not like my attention shifting to Fortune.

"What? You can't be serious Eshan!" I found the whole situation ridiculous.

"You have cynophobia." He averted his eyes as he tried to cover up his jealousy. I would never have thought that Eshan had this side to him as well. It was surprising, truly remarkable.

Then, just to tease him, my mind suddenly suggested me an absurd idea. I wanted to see his reaction if I were to get close to Fortune. Before I could realize, I was getting up from his lap and sitting beside him.

"What?" he asked grumpily as he looked at me. I kept aside the hot water bag which had cooled down by the time. I gave Eshan a mischievous smile. I used to do that with grandpa.

Granny and I would tease him when he didn't accept things. He had a habit of checking on granny now and then. His eyes would always follow her, but he never admitted it openly. So, at one-time, granny went to our neighbors and stayed there for almost half of the day.

While grandpa's anger had hit the roof in our home, he ultimately admitted to it, and it was only then that granny returned from our neighbor's house. We had a really good time at grandpa's expense. After that, he never denied his true feelings.

"Nothing." I giggled.

"Where are you going?" He asked when I stood up from the sofa. Fortune was lying at a couple of feet distance from me. I eyed Eshan once whose face had changed the color. He somewhere got the idea that I was up to something.

"I'm not going anywhere." I innocently smiled at him.

I inched closer to Fortune. I just hoped that he stayed put. Arjun had said that he was the service dog. Hopefully, he would stay settled. Service dogs were trained that way. They would remain calm around patients, and that was what made them special.

"Innaya, no," Eshan spoke from behind. I turned my head in his direction as I inched closer to Fortune.

Fortune's ears twitched as he raised his head from his paws. He tilted his head in both directions alternatively. His tail started wagging. Compared to the one who had cynophobia, my reactions were pretty normal as the distance between us gradually decreased.

Maybe, it had everything to do with the calm nature of Fortune. From yesterday, he hadn't done anything that scared me. That's why they said that you learn to deal with things when you are thrown in that spot. Perhaps, Arjun's action of leaving behind Fortune was a good idea. Maybe, just maybe, I could get over my phobia because of Fortune.

"Innaya, stop going near to him. We don't want you getting agitated, now do we?"

Eshan's voice turned a little cautious as he tried to not startle me.

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