Chapter 123 - Why?

|Innaya|

"Oh, do you still remember this grandma? Where were you from so many days?"

I bit my lips as I heard grandma's complaining fierce tone. She had every right to be angry. The girl who called her twice every day even after getting married suddenly cut her contact. Anyone at her place would feel worried.

"Sorry, grandma." I apologized, not knowing what else to say. Silence descended on us. My glazed eyes looked ahead at Fortune. He was looking at me while tilting his head from time to time.

Until now, I would not hesitate to share things with her, but those issues were not so grave. How could I tell her that I blamed Eshan for having an extramarital affair and that caused our painful separation? That would mean telling her about my panic attacks, and everything that comes with it. How should I tell her that I was kidnapped by my husband's friends?

I heard grandma's sigh from another end. I controlled my urge to cry.

"Are you okay, Innu? What's happening in your life child?" Grandma's concern was back with just a single apology from my side.

I bit my lip hard, hearing the concern dripping from her tone. The nickname given to me by her stirred the unsaid emotions in my heart. It had been so long that I have heard that nickname. I made her worried because of my own mistakes. My mother's condition already burdened her and my unannounced disappearance must have thrown her in distress. How was I meant to explain things to her? Just how?

Suddenly I felt a wet sensation on my palm. I looked down to see Fortune at some point in time had walked to me, and he was the one licking back of my palm. As if he was telling me to hold on, to not cry.

Were animals really that sensitive towards emotions? Did he sense the fluctuating emotions within me? Did he sense my distress?

Somehow, his act instead of scaring the hell out of me, made me feel better. The guilt I was feeling somehow lessened and I could feel my emotions returning back to normal.

With tears in my eyes clearing, I breathed in deeply. Numb, I even forgot that I still held my mobile in my other hand, and the call was still connected.

"Innu? Are you crying? Tell me, what's the wrong sweetie. Your grandma is here for you."

My grandmother's voice reminded me of her presence on the other side. Startled, I pulled my hand reflexively out of Fortune's reach...

'What's wrong with me?' I frowned. Why was I not concentrating properly?

It seemed my action hurt Fortune, for his ears twitched and his eyes accusingly stared at me sadly. If it was possible to compare him to human then it was as of he was a small child who was told off. His face looked that sad.

"Innu? Can you hear me?" Grandma asked again and this time loudly.

"Is she alright, mom. Let me talk to her." I heard my mother's worried voice in the background. I should have expected it though. If grandma called then both of them had to be together.

"Grandma, I'm okay. The signal is bad here. I'll video call you tomorrow. Take care. Don't worry, we're fine," I hastily said, not wanting to talk to my mother. Saying my goodbye, I disconnected the line from my side.

I slumped in my place. Throwing the damn mobile on the sofa beside me, I hid my face in my hands.

Why did I disconnect the line after hearing my mom's voice? I did not understand my behavior. Agreed, I felt guilty for disappearing on them, but why would I want to avoid her?

She was my mother.

Was I holding her responsible for rushing my marriage? I knew about her illness, but never had I thought that she would trick me in marrying Eshan giving the false reason of auspicious dates. Was she thinking that I would not agree otherwise? Why did she have to lie?

I refused to understand her this time. In the end, I was human too. What exactly she was trying to hide? In my childhood, she tried to hide her broken marriage and that caused me a lifetime of pain.

At the start, I had blamed her. I had blamed her for leaving me in that hell hole while she escaped. Later, after therapy, I slowly accepted her back in my life. It took a lot of time to make things back on the track, but eventually, I learned to not hold her responsible anymore.

In the end, she again lied to me, tried to hide things from me. Why? Why?

"Why, mom? Why? What do you take me as? Why time and again, you are disappointing me? Why, mom?" I muttered, clutching my head in my hands.

My eyes jerked opened when I recalled Eshan's admittance to this truth. He knew about my mother's health condition. And, Eshan. He knew everything. He did not try to be honest with me. He just agreed to her and played along. How could he? He had said- 'That without trust there is no love.' If he loved me for so long, then how could he cheat me, hide the truth from me?

My head hurt thinking about it. I could still remember the anxiety of that day when Eshan had come to see me. I could still remember walking back home with millions of scary thoughts running in my mind. Those emotional talks of my grandmother, my mother's insistence, I could still recall everything vividly. In the end, it all turned out to be thoughtful planning of people who were my loved ones.

Were they thinking I was gullible and they could play around with my feelings? Was this marriage so important?

I again failed to understand why I was feeling so agitated now. When Arjun told me things, I had no such extreme reaction, then why now? Was it because I heard her worried voice? Perhaps it had something to do with my PTSD. Arjun's revelation took time to sink in and it was one of those times where I was having a late extreme reaction towards things.

It often happened to me. But, why now? Why was I feeling so worthless suddenly? Why was I feeling so low? Why those negative thoughts were crowding in my mind?

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