Chapter 86 - Just Two Of Us (3)

|Eshan|

"Eshan?" Innaya's slightly panicked voice sounded from beside me.

InstantlyI turned towards her and took her in my arms. Innaya's tensed figure hurriedly snuggled in my arms as I felt her hand going around my front to my waist. She buried her face in my shoulders. Her nose rubbed against my neck as her ragged breathing hit against the bare skin.

"I'm here. Don't worry." I patted her head, feeling guilty for making her frightened.

"I'll switch on the lights," I said when she did not relax instead her body only stiffened.

There are times in our life, where we plan things expecting a certain outcome. I also planned to give Innaya surprise, and fulfill her wish. However, sometimes things don't go the way we desire. I learned it in a hard way. I was hoping to surprise her, but instead, I ended up scaring her.

"Don't," Innaya mumbled without moving away from her position

During these months of our marriage, I did not recall Innaya reacting so strongly to darkness. I pressed my mind for thinking clearly, it was then I realized that there was never total darkness around her. In the bedroom, she would leave either a night lamp or her mobile screen on. How could I not understand that my wife was afraid of darkness? Then again, it was normal for people who suffered from panic attacks.

"I'm sorry," I apologized for being ignorant towards such an important matter in my haste of surprising her. 'Why my surprises have to turn into shocks for her?' I wondered.

Innaya stayed quiet. Seeing her so withdrawn, I felt something breaking within me.

Stretching my other hand, I switched on the planetarium star projector. The next moment, the darkroom was lit with, in numerous bright stars, allowing one to feel the mirage of being under the sky.

Watching the darkness slowly fading away as the light from the projector projected stars in the room.

I looked down only to meet with Innaya's big brown eyes peeking at me. Unknown to me she had been looking at me, I did not know from how long. Her gaze resembled that of a child who was afraid of being abandoned by his parents. Exactly how much she had suffered to turn like this? It broke my heart to watch her like that.

"What's wrong?" I caressed her cheek with the help of my thumb. I felt the moisture under my thumb. What must be going inside that head of hers that would make her cry even for something as small as darkness?

There were many secrets she had kept hidden within herself. I wished to know them, but I knew my limits. Some things could not be rushed.

"Take a look, you wanted to see the stars right?" I diverted her attention. She would tell me what had upset her if she desired to. I would never force her to tell me anything.

Innaya remained indifferent as if she did not hear me. She just stared at my face as if she believed I would disappear.

"I'm here." The words left on their own from my mouth, I did not know who I was assuring, Innaya or myself.

Innaya slowly glanced around. Her eyes regained the twinkle in them as she saw the ceiling which resembled the sky. It was an artificial setup and could not be compared to the real sky. Many would argue it was childish or money-wasting tactic or the sick pleasure rich people sought instead of the real deal, but who decided it? It all depended on perspectives. If we looked towards something in a positive way, then it was positive.

"It's beautiful!" Innaya exclaimed as her face brightened with excitement. She left my embrace as she slowly sat straight. With child-like enthusiasm, her eyes drank in the sight of artificially glowing illusive stars.

"Can we sleep here - under them?" She turned her body towards me and asked while making a puppy face.

How could I deny that face of hers? In fact, I would never be able to refuse anything to her, even my life. Smiling helplessly, I nodded in positive. 

She clasped her hands, feeling gleeful over such small matter. I realized how little things and gestures made her happy. She did not need grand scale events. She just longed for love, care, and safety.

I stood up and extended my arm towards her. "Step aside, I'll just make our bed." Innaya gave her hand in mine as I pulled her on her feet and to the side. Pulling another part of makeshift bed from the couch, I turned the couch we were sitting upon into the bed.

"It's the same as one we have back in that home. Right?" Innaya asked.

"Right. Come here." I took the right side of the bed and patted the empty spot beside me as I beckoned her.

Innaya moved on the bed. "Why do you keep a replica of the same things?" She asked aloud her question as she lied on her back, gazing at the ceiling.

Why? I had wondered that too, but it was ages ago. After that, I became used to it. It was not that I believed in wasting money, but at that time I was not sure where Innaya would stay. Grandpa was still alive back then.

I had thought that it would be great if I stayed in the Bangalore permenantly so that whenever I would marry her, she could stay close to her maternal home. Then things changed, so did my plans.

Isighed as I stretched my body on the bed beside her, keeping little distance between us. I started telling her, "My first house is the one in Bangalore. At that time I never thought I would move to Mumbai, but later due to the expansion of our business, I shifted here. I missed that home. So eventually, I tried bringing some things so as to not feel that homesick. It helped, and then it sort of turned into a habit." I sheepishly rubbed back of my neck.

"Your first house? Do you mean to say it's not owned by your parents?" Innaya's eyes snapped towards me.

I was aware of her questioning orbs. I pulled out my phone from my pocket. I opened YouTube and searched my old account on it. I passed my phone to her and continued, "Back then, I had opened the account for fun, but later I turned it into my passion. Fortunately, I got lucky, and I achieved over two million subscribers over two years. The money I earned through it was more than enough for that house."

It was something even my parents did not know. I wanted to be independent, and to my parents, my studies mattered not my extracurricular activities. Not that I had hidden about it knowingly, but my parents never tried to involve themselves in my life that much.

I was in one of the bad phases in my life when my life took a turn for better. My hobby eventually pulled me out of depression.

Iwas quite thankful to Innaya's grandfather actually. It was he who supported me through that.

"How old were you?" Innaya enquired as she scrolled through the videos I had uploaded, disrupting my train of thoughts.

"I bought that house at eighteen," I answered, remembering the excitement I had felt after purchasing that house with my own money.

"You have worked hard," Innaya whispered, tracing her finger over the screen of the phone.

She placed the mobile aside as she directed her attention to the ceiling. " I quite admire you a lot, Eshan. Not everyone can achieve what you have. It certainly takes tremendous hard work," her voice wavered as if she was being emotional.

I turned my face to take a look at her.

"I know your life also has not been easy. Just from making videos, I know you can't earn that much. You must have done many things to reach where you are. I know you made it sound like it was no big deal, but I am not fool. I understand, how hard it is to make a living when you were just a student." Her eyes glistened with the tears as she unblinkingly stared above.

I suddenly laughed, feeling amused and happy as well. All those years ago when I needed someone, I had no one to share my grief and hardships with, and years later, I did not need anyone as I achieved the results of all my difficulties. Yet, Innaya was grieving over something that had happened very long ago.

I interlocked my fingers with her hand that was lying on the bed and brought our joined palms on my chest. I frowned at how cold her hand was. "I'm not telling you all of this to make you feel sad. Have we not decided to relax and have a happy time? Hmm?" 

I turned on my left to face her.Innaya bit her lip as if wanting to say something, but in the end kept mum. "You have me now. Don't bear anything alone," she responded as she voiced her innermost thoughts.

I smiled at her innocent promise. I pulled out comforter over us. Her cold body was making me worried. I rubbed her palm as I tried to warm it up.

"I'm always cold. Don't worry," Innaya spoke as she saw my troubled face.

"Thank you for bringing the stars for me," Innaya giggled as she stretched her hand in front of the planetarium projector and made a motion of grasping something. 

It looked as if she held those stars in her fist.

Beaming at her action, I felt proud of myself for being the reason for her happiness. Full credit did not go to me, but Ayush. However, I should be appreciated for befriending him, shouldn't I? I chuckled internally at how shameless I was being. If Ayush knew about my thoughts, he would certainly take away all the gifts.

"You know, Grandpa would take me to the terrace and tell me a story whenever I couldn't sleep at night. If he couldn't remember any story, he would tell me about his and grandma's stories from their past. He would turn himself as a hero in his stories," she laughed, "but then grandma would sneak up on us and would take his class for lying. After him... I often stared at the stars- searching for him... Later, I stopped, unable to bear the sinking reality-" her voice trailed off.

Until she finished, I kept listening to her in the silence, but once she stopped, my mind stopped working too. 

It would soon be a year to grandpa's demise, and I realized how much she was still hurting. 

Those small memories with Grandpa disturbed her as they reminded her of their happy times.

Thankfully, after our last talk on this matter, she did not cry reminiscing about him. 

That hole was still there, but she was trying to come in terms with the present. 

Maybe, her mother was right. It was a good decision to take her away from Bangalore because if she had stayed there, things would have been more difficult.

"Do you want to hear a story?" I tugged at her hand diverting her attention, she turned her head in my direction.

She eagerly nodded, giving me a teary-eyed smile.