CH 136.2

Chapter 136.2 – Despicable

At night, Lu Qipei stood in front of the bedroom, hesitating for a long time. Qi Yang was laying on the bed, clearly exhausted, but she was unable to sleep for a long time.  It wasn’t just tonight that she couldn’t sleep – in fact, she had been suffering from insomnia lately.

On one hand, there was the passing of her father and brother, and there was the heavy feeling in her heart on the other. And most importantly, there was the lack of that familiar warmth and atmosphere around her, making her always feel uneasy.

Even when she managed to fall asleep, she would always wake up in a nightmare. Sometimes, she would dream of how she couldn’t be with the one she loved on her previous life, and sometimes she would dream that the truth behind the assassination incident was exposed, leading to Lu Qipei being executed in public…

Nightmare came over here one after the other lately, leaving Qi Yang almost in a trance. It was no wonder she looked so haggard.

Now that she finally returned to the mansion, Qi Yang actually wanted to run into Lu Qipei’s arms the moment she saw her, craving for her warmth. But at the end of the day, she remembered the Crown Prince and the Emperor’s tragic death, and her heart inexplicably felt like it was stabbed with thorns.

The assassination was not actually related to Lu Qipei, but the hearts of people were complicated, and their anger were sometimes irrational.

Qi Yang couldn’t sleep, so she raised her hand to cover her slightly sore eyes. For the first time, she felt like she was despicable. There was no reason for others to be angry, but she had a reason to – because she felt both guilty and frustrated.

One month was enough time for her to figure out many things. She could understand Lu Qipei’s innocence in this matter, and naturally she could also think about her own inaction. After all, Lu Qipei had never hidden anything from her. On the first day of New Years, Qi Bo deliberately led Lu Qipei away for a meeting. Both of them noticed something strange, but neither of them really took the matter seriously.

Looking back at it now, Qi Yang felt that it had been a sign. If she had paid more attention to it back then, would things have turned out differently?

Lu Qipei also had such thoughts. She felt vexed, while Qi Yang was regretful. But humans had a natural flaw – that is, they were unwilling to admit their mistakes, and wanted to attribute all of it to others.

Qi Yang was not a saint, so she chose to vent her anger. At the same time, she knew in her heart that this was unfair to Lu Qipei. She stayed in the palace not just because she was busy, but also because she was trying to run away. Until today, when Qi Yang saw Lu Qipei again, and she finally had to admit that she was being despicable.

Tears were sliding down the corners of her eyes, and the eyes she was covering were sore and swollen…

Qi Yang sobbed in silence, unsure how she should face Lu Qipei, and unsure how she should face her own self.

Lu Qipei, who was hesitating outside the door, reached her hand out several times to knock, but ultimately gave up. She lowered her hand in frustration, looked at the door, and sighed deeply. Finally, she turned around and walked towards the study in dejection.

The bedroom was pitch black, but there were lights shining on the corridor that clearly reflected her shadow on the window.

Qi Yang was originally covering her eyes, crying, but right now she seemed to feel something. She sat up, put down her hand that was covering her eyes, and looked at the shadow that was fading away through her teary eyes, her heart filled with even more mixed emotions.

She didn’t chase after Lu Qipei who had left, and just sat on the bed instead, hugging the blanket and burying her head inside. Let’s wait a few days, in a few days, she would tell Ah Pei all about her worries. Just like how Lu Qipei never hid anything from her, neither should she.

Qi Yang made up her mind, and finally fell asleep in the environment filled with Lu Qipei’s smell.

The night was no peaceful, but there were no nightmares disturbing her either.

Early morning the next day, Qi Yang got up to summon someone, but it was not Zhi Ting nor a maid who entered, but Lu Qipei, who came carrying a pail of water to wash her face with. She looked a bit cautious as she looked at Qi Yang’s stunned face, and timidly called out, “Ah Ning.”

Qi Yang blinked and withdrew her gaze. She didn’t know how to face Lu Qipei right now, so she just said “en” softly.

Lu Qipei breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that she did not reject her. As she put down the things she was carrying, she took another peek at Qi Yang and quickly noticed that her eyes were slightly red and swollen. She thought that Qi Yang was still grieving over the Emperor’s death and wanted to console her, but felt that she was in no position to do so. In the end, she could only squeeze her handkerchief and handed it to her carefully, “Ah Ning, don’t be so sad. His Majesty wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

Qi Yang didn’t say anything when she heard those words, and only looked up at Lu Qipei. Her red and swollen eyes no longer exuded their usual charm, and seeing it made Lu Qipei feel heartbroken.

Seeing Qi Yang not taking her handkerchief, Lu Qipei’s eyes turned slightly uneasy. But thinking of the cold and indifference between them in the past month, she felt nervous again, so she decided to be ruthless and gently applied her handkerchief on Qi Yang’s eyes.

In early spring when the temperature quickly swung between hot and cold, hot water was naturally used when washing yourself up in the morning. However, the handkerchief had been squeezed for a while, and it had quickly cooled down. When Lu Qipei applied it on her eyes, it was icy cool, giving Qi Yang’s sore eyes a lot of relief.

Qi Yang raised her hand and held down the hand that Lu Qipei had in front of her eyes.

Lu Qipei’s heart beat faster, and in the trance, there was a heart-thumping feeling akin to when the two first met. But it only lasted for a moment, and she quickly snapped back to reality, realizing that there was still a gap between them that she didn’t know how to bridge.

Her heart sank again. Lu Qipei thought that Qi Yang still didn’t want to be close to her, and pursed her lips as she prepared to withdraw her hand. But the hand pressing down on hers turned out to be quite strong, and there was obviously a very different meaning between pressing down on her hand and removing it.

Lu Qipei was pleasantly surprised by this sudden thought, and she called out again with a slightly raised voice, “Ah Ning?”

Qi Yang didn’t move. She pressed the Lu Qipei’s hand over her eyes, and gradually felt some calm in this brief darkness.

Author notes:

The so called ‘hatred for killing one’s father’ and ‘the father’s debt will be paid by the son’ was normal in ancient times, and even collective punishment was common. And after all, Qi Bo was still Lu Qipei’s subordinate, so it was normal for Qi Yang to vent her anger on Lu Qipei.

But instead, Qi Yang felt that her anger was despicable, showing that she was really partial towards Lu Qipei. In this situation, normal people would shout and scream murder, and completely cut off their relationship… Just look at how much they love each other – they’ll never abuse each other, don’t worry.