Chapter 32 CH 30: I WILL NOT REGRET

Adam ignored the book, willing it to close before focusing on Sae. Whatever was happening right now, it would be an insult to Sae if he didn't answer her with utmost sincerity.

The small lapse during which Adam focused on the book was enough for Sae to push him back on the bed. After which she mounted his lap and placed her arms on his shoulders as her hazy eyes nailed Adam's in a lustful stare.

"Sae, are you still drunk right now?"

From this position, he could see her cleavage quite clearly as the lower end of her shirt slightly parted aside due to her motions. He realized then that she was only wearing a pair of white panties under the shirt.

Looking down at Adam with her hazy gaze and feeling him getting a little flustered by her actions, she couldn't help but smile…

"Your eyes are more beautiful than I thought."

Adam's eyes were currently a beautiful sky blue as if they were a piece of the sky itself carved out from the heavens or a beautiful jewel that had been uniquely fitted into his pupils to mesmerize the beholder. [1]

It was the first time that she had seen such beautiful eyes in all her life.

'Could such a change really happen just because he took off his glasses?'

She was curious but her thoughts were interrupted by Adam's next words,

"Sae, this isn't the time for jokes."

She sighed ruefully, "I am not drunk, Adam. In fact, my mind had never been so clear in my life."

"I have always been interested in sex, you know? Since as long as I can remember, in fact."

Sae wasn't joking as she spoke those words. It might have begun with the introduction of hentai and the like in her life, but ever since she watched her first piece of adult video, she had become interested in everything revolving around that subject.

Eroge, hentai, porn, sex toys, she bought different things related to the world of sexual pleasures. Though Sae never got around to using the toys on herself, or others, she was simply happy having them around and imagining herself using them to bring herself to the height of pleasures she watched the women in those raunchy videos reach.

"You know, sometimes I would even go to school and even the university without wearing panties."

The excitement and the thrill of being caught red-handed while wearing a short skirt and going complete commando were so strong that she only did it two times in her life. Once in high school, and the other in the first year of University. She feared that she might lose all sense of restraint and seek greater thrill if she continued like that so she deemed it wise to distance herself from these lewd acts.

"There are so many things I wish to try. But until now… I don't need to say why I didn't, right?"

"Steven."

"Indeed."

Sae might have been greatly interested in sexual escapades and the like but she wasn't interested in being loose.

"The first time for a woman is something she will never forget. I do not wish to regret my first experience. I do not seek something romantic per se, but I want my first time to be with someone I care for and who also cares for me."

Sae did not have an idealized view of sex, so the act of sex itself didn't matter to her.

But she wasn't interested in being a prize for someone who would only see her as a dumb girl and a piece of toy meant to be discarded once having fun using it.

Sae knew Adam quite well. He was a boy who might be a bit…socially awkward and distant, also introverted, to say the least, but he was also a gentle boy who helped and cared for her.

He might not always show it, but she knew that he would have her back if she ever were to need his assistance.

The same way he helped her today, in fact. Bringing her home and even washing her vomit without showing any sort of disgust.

Those were small things. Yet things that not everyone would do for someone.

Sometimes, it was the small details that left the greatest traces in the human psyche.

The fact that he was also very handsome was a huge plus. Right now, he fulfilled so many of her criteria and fuelled so many of her fantasies at the same time that she couldn't help herself but attack him.

"I wish that I can look back to my first time with fondness rather than regret and bitterness."

"Then, why not wait for someone you love?"

Adam breathed roughly as he spoke those words. He was not a sage who could be indifferent to a beautiful woman's advances.

The current Sae was so enticing that he had a hard time controlling himself and his mind from simply ravaging her to his heart's desires.

Already he could feel himself becoming painfully hard. Something Sae didn't seem to miss as she was slowly using her hips to put subtle stimulation to his hard-on.

"Someone I love won't necessarily love me back. I could also end up falling for a bastard that will simply toss me aside later."

Sae wasn't naive enough to believe in the one true love that would conquer all. The divorce rate in America was more than 50% and the cheating rate was even higher.

Sae didn't want to wait for a hypothetical good guy she would fall in love with that might or might not love her back.

"I have waited 10 years, but my love wasn't reciprocated. So rather than losing it later to someone I might not even know, wouldn't it better to have my first time with someone who cares about me?"

Sae of course didn't say everything that was on her heart. It wasn't just a question of passion.

Right now, she felt completely worthless as a woman. She felt that she was an undesirable woman.

She was 21 years old already.

She had known Steven since they were kids and had been chasing after him for so many years that she lost count along the way.

She might have only confessed two times to him but she had never done any of that tsundere crap like she saw in the anime she loved. She had always shown her affection for him as clearly as possible.

Despite this, he had never fallen for her.

Suddenly some girl came from out of nowhere and it was love at first sight for him.

What did this say about her? Did she have no charm? Was her personality bad? Or was she so unsightly and uninteresting that any random girl could just take the man of her dreams and she could do nothing about it? She wasn't sure.

There was also what had just happened this morning. She had been lucky this time. But what if something like this happened again?

She had tried to show no fear to Adam but when she was showering, she could not stop her trembling body at the thought of what might have happened to her.

This was why, at least her first time. She was determined to have it now with someone who really cared for her.

It was a very convoluted reasoning but in her current state, it made perfect sense to her.

Adam gazed into Sae's eyes. Behind the expression of confidence, her logical words, and the carnal splendor she was using to seduce him into doing her bidding, he could see a wounded soul desperately seeking companionship.

He wondered what would happen if he refused her right now. Most likely her pride would be completely crushed and she might take rash decisions that may or may not destroy her life.

But he knew that whatever decision she might take, that would not fare well for her…

So…

'Stop!'

Adam scolded himself as he found himself trying to create excuses to appear righteous in this situation.

Adam never thought himself to be a gentleman. He was as interested in sex as any young man his age.

The only reason he never went for it was that he did not have the time and mentality to commit himself to a relationship. This was even more so with his current job and ambiguous state. Having a girlfriend now was an impossibility among impossibilities.

Sae was a beautiful young woman and that woman was basically now begging him to have sex with him. Why was he trying to build a tower of logic to just accept her advances?

"I am not in love with you."

Adam clarified that fact. He had always found her physically appealing and liked her personality but this was far as it went.

Those were enough for him to see her as a desirable member of the opposite sex, but wasn't enough for him to gun for anything more than simple friendship.

"I know."

"I do not want to enter into a committed relationship with you."

He did not have time to focus on someone else, right now. He would have liked to be committed to the one he gave his first time to, but his circumstances didn't allow him that chance.

"Me neither."

"You might regret it later."

Their friendship might never recover after this, destroying the pure bond they've built up over the years.

"I know I will not."

He then hesitated before he softly, uttered his next set of words, "I do not have any more experience than you do."

A joy of utter delight twinkled in her eyes at those words and her lips were pulled into a genuine smile for the first time today, "Then let's fumble around together to find our own way. Shall we?"

She was all the happier to know that this would also be his first time. This assured her that she had indeed made the right choice in choosing this wonderful boy she had known and cared for.

No more words were needed as their lips slowly, yet naturally met to initiate a lustful kiss…

Both of them knew that this would change the whole axis of their relationship. Be it for good or for bad.

But they were far too gone into the lands of carnal delight to care now as their mind was engulfed by lust and desire for each other.