Chapter 143 More Than it Will Hurt

A white wolf with black ears ran between the trees. She paused, sniffing the air and running deeper into the forest, jumping over rocks and avoiding disturbing the snow. Finally, she found a dead tree.

She dropped the bag she carried between her teeth, pushing it into the tree. She looked back, and then she rolled in the dirt and the snow before crawling inside.

She settled herself into the moss and the rot of the tree. Disturbing the decay and growth, letting it cling to her fur to further mask her own scent.

She heard rather than saw the great white wolf that appeared only a few feet from the tree.

The wolf sniffed the air. She looked back and forth but saw nothing before raising her snout to the sky and howling into the moonlight. A chorus of howls from the edges of the forest echoed back at her. A hunt had been called.

The wolf looked around the area, sniffing, searching. But then she left.

Bell waited patiently within the tree. She waited until she was sure Ashleigh had left before making her way out into the cold air.

She took small careful steps forward, listening for any other wolf nearby.

When she was convinced that no one else was around, she stuck her snout back into the tree to fetch her bag. Then, carrying it in her mouth, she ran into the trees, a different direction than Ashleigh had taken.

It took another hour of running and hiding before she approached the northern border.

Bell set down the backpack. She took small steps closer to the wooden fence.

It was old, worn down, hardly capable of holding back anyone or anything from entering the territory. The only reason it had not been replaced was because of the treacherous mountains in the area. So this spot was hardly likely to be targeted as a point of entry.

But for Bell, this small fence was still just as formidable as any other barrier.

She sniffed the air; it was different here. Anywhere along the border, really. Ever since she had come to Winter, she could smell the borderlines. She could feel them.

A humming. A soft electrical charge pulsed along the skin, making her fur stand on edge.

She stopped.

A few more feet, and she would be at the fence. Once she crossed over it, she would be outside Winter.

Bell shifted out of her wolf form..

It wasn’t as seamless for her as it was for Ashleigh. Bell still felt all the push and pull of her bones and muscles realigning. Although, it took her a full minute to complete the shift. She was thankful that the pain had become something bearable after all of these years.

Still, she avoided shifting most of the time. Her black ears and muzzle against the rest of her almost entirely white fur made her stand out as an Autumn wolf.

Though many already knew she came from Autumn, until tonight, only three people in Winter knew her true story.

To avoid being found out or being seen and recognized by a visiting member of Autumn, she had avoided shifting outside of moonlight runs with Ashleigh and Renee.

Bell reached into the backpack she had carried. She quickly pulled out the spare outfit she kept in the bag, a t-shirt, sweatpants, and some tennis shoes. Dressing swiftly to provide some warmth.

Bell stared at the fence.

She took a deep breath and another few steps towards it.

The hum grew louder. The soft electrical charge was more substantial now.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she heard a wolf howling. But she knew it wasn’t any of the wolves that currently searched for her through the trees. This wolf was larger, with a crescent marking on her forehead. This wolf was warning her.

She tried to swallow down her fear and took another step closer. It wasn’t far now. A few more steps, and she would break the barrier.

Bell licked her lips and swallowed nervously. Her anxiety was getting stronger with every step. Her heart raced, and she broke into a cold sweat.

It was just a few more steps, but her legs wouldn’t move now. She was shaking too hard.

She gasped as a muffled sound came from her backpack.

Grabbing it quickly, looking around in case one of the wolves had heard it. She reached in and pulled out the cellphone planning to reject the call. But then she saw his name.

A flutter of warmth in her chest.

“I shouldn’t…” she whispered.

Her eyes lifted to the fence, so close now she could reach out and touch it if she wanted to. But, as soon as she crossed that barrier, she would never see his smile or hear his voice again.

“One for the road,” she smiled to herself sadly.

Bell answered the call.

“Bell?” Galen’s worried voice came out of the receiver before she even had it to her ear.

She smiled again, another flurry of warmth in her chest.

“Hey…” she replied.

“Are you ok?” he asked quickly. “What’s happening?”

“Of course, I’m ok. Why wouldn’t I be?” Bell lied.

“Ashleigh called,” he said.

Bell felt a cold panic in her heart.

“She asked if I had heard from you. She sounded worried.”

“What did she say?” Bell asked quietly.

She tried to keep her voice even, to hold in the fear that threatened to spill out in a flood of tears.

“Nothing. She only asked if I had heard from you,” he replied. “When I asked if something was wrong, she said the two of you were working through something.”

Bell couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips or the tears that followed.

“Yea,” she said, forcing a smile into her voice. “We’re just having a difference of opinion. No biggie.”

Galen was quiet. It made her nervous when he was silent.

“Where are you?” he asked softly.

“Why?” she asked with a nervous laugh. “You gonna show up and make it all better?”

“If you’ll let me,” he replied without hesitation.

Bell put the phone to her chest. She drew in a shuddering breath and clenched her jaw to hold it all in.

This man…

She took a deep breath and pushed it out, bringing the phone back to her ear.

“I’m not really a knight in shining armor riding in on his white horse type of girl.”

“No, you’re not,” he said, a smile in his voice. “You are the type of girl that cries in the dark, where no one can see you… is that where you are, Bell? In the dark, where no one can see you?”

Bell closed her eyes, scrunching her brows together. Clenching her jaw until it hurt, trying so desperately to hold back the tears.

“It’s ok.” He spoke gently. “Breathe.”

She took in a shaky breath. Chewing her lip to keep some measure of control over herself.

“You’re not alone,” he continued. “Just close your eyes, keep them closed. Listen to my voice.”

Bell listened and did as he asked. She kept her eyes closed and focused on the warm sound of his voice.

“The darkness around you isn’t empty,” he began. “It isn’t cold. It’s not even dark. Your eyes are closed, that’s all.”

She took a deep breath through her nose and gently blew it out through her mouth.

“You are surrounded by warmth,” Galen whispered.

His voice was incredible. It was gentle and firm at the same time, making Bell feel comforted and secure.

“I’m right there with you,” he continued. “No armor, no white horse. Just me, holding you in my arms.”

She felt it because she wanted to. She remembered his arms around her in the snow. The laughter and pure joy she had felt with him.

Bell could hold back no more. Finally, she dropped to her knees in the snow and let her tears fall.

After some time, she had exhausted herself. Galen still sat on the phone with her, occasionally reminding her to breathe. Or reassuring her that he was still with her.

She took a deep breath, looking again at the fence.

“I think I need to go away,” she whispered regrettably.

“Why?” he asked.

“To help,” she replied.

“To help who?”

“Everyone?” she laughed.

He was quiet again.

“Are you going to chase me if I go?” she asked, hoping to hear him laugh.

“No,” he answered.

She took a breath, it was a joke, but she still felt a hard lump in her throat at his answer.

“I’ll keep waiting.”

“What?” she asked.

“On the other side of this wall, I’ll keep waiting for you to tear it down.”

“Why?” she asked.

“You’re important to me.”

Bell pushed away from the warmth that spread over her at his words. Remembering the truth of her situation and that there were reasons she couldn’t be with Galen.

“I’m not your mate,” she stated plainly.

“No, and I’m not yours.”

“Then why?” she asked again.

“I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, Bell, so other than Caleb and Fiona, I refused to get close to anyone else,” he said. “I decided a long time ago that I would devote myself entirely to my role as Beta. I wanted no distractions, always ready to aid Caleb in any way he needed.”

“Ok…” she said, swallowing down the heavy feeling in her chest.

“But you are important to me, without even trying.”

Her heartbeat sped up at his words.

“I think about you every day. I miss you all the time,” he continued. “I know you have a reason for your wall. So, I won’t tear it down. I won’t chase after you. I will wait here for the day that you invite me in willingly.”

She missed him.

She wanted to be in his arms and tell him that she felt the same way.

Bell closed her eyes again, holding back new tears.

“Will it help more than it will hurt?” he suddenly asked.

“What?” she replied, genuinely confused.

“Leaving.”

She didn’t answer.

“I don’t know why you feel like you need to leave, but I know that the wolves of Winter love you, and if you go, it will hurt them,” he said. “So, think about it first. Will leaving help more than it will hurt?”