CH 142

Chapter 4 — Sleep, until your life is over • Episode 4–6 — Of Sleep ③

Translated by KaiesV

Edited by KaiesV

In a large room where the living room, dining room, and kitchen are combined, a small boy was spoiled. He was a small child, not even old enough to attend grade school. Toys were given as he wished, and he could eat meals and snacks as he wished, without having to beg for them. He could be as selfish as he wanted, which only cost money. However, he could not fulfill his selfishness of wanting to play with his father, sleep with his mother, or go out with the whole family, which all children have experienced, not even once.

Then, as usual, he cried out in a high-pitched voice that resembled a child’s characteristic screeching voice.

Usually, someone with a kind smile and who wasn’t his mother would take care of him. The boy knew, even at a young age, that the person who was always home and taking care of him was not his mother.

Apart from that person, he realized that the woman who was at home but didn’t give him much attention, who sometimes cooked him not-so-good food and approached him with a stiff smile, was his own mother. Still, the boy sought his mother’s love and that of his father, who had not been home for a long time and was working abroad.

「That’s enough!」

One day, suddenly, as if she had been holding back for so long that she had reached her limit, the spoiled boy was struck on the cheek by his mother. The boy, who had never been violated in such a way by anyone before, cried.

The boy’s mother, however, does not approach the crying boy, not to comfort him, but to look at him as if she saw something terrible. Even when the housekeeper, hired as a mother’s substitute, comforted the boy and made him stop crying, she never tried to get close to him, even when he stared at her as if seeking motherhood. Rather, he left the room to escape from those eyes.

「My mommy, does she hate me…?」

When the boy, who had begun to tear up again, asked the housekeeper to do so, the woman would answer with a smile on her face.

「That’s right. You are an unwanted child. They don’t want you. So let’s be a good boy. If you don’t play nice, they will hate Ryōichi-kun even more.」

There is no way that any child can set a positive goal, such as “I must be a good boy or girl” after being told such a thing. After receiving the worst possible affirmation, the boy begins to cry loudly again. It’s impossible not to hear the boy crying like that, but still the mother doesn’t come back.

「Listen, Ryōichi-kun. You are not loved by anyone. No one will ever love you. Be serious and normal at best, and hope you are not unhappy. That’s about your limit. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you want to be as happy as others. It’s absurd for you to think that you want to be loved by someone or to be happy. Do you understand, Ryōichi-kun who is all alone?」

Those are the words that the boy called Ryōichi has always been told by this housekeeper, and will continue to be told by her. Although the young boy had little understanding of the meaning of these words, it goes without saying that these words, which were akin to imprinting, given to him by the only person who would take him seriously, had a profound influence on his character development.

「Was that kid okay? He seemed to be crying again…」

「Yes, there is nothing wrong with that, Madam. It’s just that he seems to have a little bit of a hard time with you, Madam.」

「——, that’s, right. No wonder… I haven’t done a single motherly thing for my child, and in the end, I would have never laid a hand on my child like that… I’m the lowest…!」

The boy, tired of crying, went to sleep, and the housekeeper, freed from her service, talked with the boy’s mother.

The mother was emaciated from mental exhaustion, and her face was even darker and more somber than usual, perhaps because she had finally laid her hands on her beloved son today.

「I, I was supposed to not be just like by that person, that person… I guess I was her daughter after all…」

「That is not tru—」

The housekeeper opens her mouth to deny the mother’s self-mocking mutterings, but the boy’s mother interrupts her and starts screaming hysterically.

「In his eyes, I had the same face as she did! I looked tired and angry, like I was sick and tired of dealing with children! Even though I don’t love him, even though he loves me… Did I and my mother feel this way…? Will I become a person who, like my mother, is violent to my children as a matter of course…?」

At the end, she squeezes out a few words as if to lament and to hang on to the woman who was her housekeeper.

She shudders with fear, wondering when she might have become the thing she most wanted to avoid becoming.

「With all due respect, I think Madam is just a little tired. I think it would be better for her to rest with Master for once. Please be assured that I will take care of Ryōichi-kun responsibly. In the meantime, why don’t you communicate with him by letter? If you take your time and write your letter calmly, you won’t get too emotional.」

「But it’s a burden you’ll have to bear.」

「Don’t worry. I may look like this, but I am sturdy. Besides, I also think of Ryōichi-kun as my family. I too hope that the relationship between Madam and Ryōichi-kun will improve as soon as possible.」

「…Thank you.」

Thus, the boy’s mother moved abroad where the boy’s father worked. The boy’s father was abroad on his own so as not to cause financial hardship to the family, leaving the boy’s mother to take care of him.

Born and raised in a poor mother-son household and knowing the hardships of not having money, he made up his mind to give his children a life without any inconvenience and accepted an overseas assignment with high benefits, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to stay with them for a long time.

The reason why the whole family didn’t move abroad at that time was that they planned to be able to return to Japan at least by the time the boy reached grade school age, he decided after consulting with his wife and a trusted friend, the housekeeper, that it wouldn’t be a good idea to make a major change in the living environment in such a short span of time.

Originally, the mother, who remained in Japan, was supposed to pour her love and affection into her children to make up for the father’s loss. However, the father naturally knew about the mother’s past, and since they had become a family on that basis, he couldn’t blame the mother for leaving the boy alone and coming to him. Also, the father knew well the personality of the housekeeper who would take care of the boy, and he thought she would be able to take care of him. And so the young boy was separated from his family.

In the years that followed, until the birth of her second child, the mother never returned home, and she sent numerous letters to the boy via the housekeeper, but never received a reply. The housekeeper said she has tried to persuade him several times, only to receive reports that the results have been unfavorable.

And so the second child, a girl, named Futaba, had a mother who kept coming back home until the child was somewhat older, although, the relationship between mother and child, which had soured over the past few years, didn’t heal easily, and perhaps unable to bear it, she left home again, leaving her children behind.

The remaining child, a boy who had grown up to be in his early teens, gave his own sister the lavish love and affection that he felt he had to protect her, and she adored him.

For a boy who could never be friends with anyone, who could never be loved by anyone, who could never make friends without forgetting why, that boy was the only one.

However, their familial love is distorted after a certain point.

「Are you okay, Futaba? I don’t know what happened, but if it’s okay as your brother, I’ll talk with you about it.」

「Shut up! Onii-chan wouldn’t know what to say to me anyway!! You don’t know anything about Magical Girls!! Leave me alone already!! Leave me alone all the time! You’re grossing me out! I didn’t think this was going to happen…! I didn’t think I was going to die…!」

「…Sorry. I’ll leave your food here.」

Ryōichi, who had grown up to the point where he could no longer be called a boy, and had reached the age of maturity, didn’t understand what the girl was talking about, as she said.

Even though things have been awkward since she entered grade school, she is still his precious little sister.

「Futaba is also a girl of her age, so she has some problems that Ryoichi-kun doesn’t understand. How about you keep your distance and watch over her for a little while? I’ll try to convince her to go to school, too.」

「Ohh, okay… Can you ask for Futaba?」

「Of course, leave it to me.」

Ryōichi apologetically asks the housekeeper, who has worked in the house for a long time and raised them. It’s as if he had forgotten the terrible words that were said to him when he was young, as if he had forgotten about his trusted guardian.

「Umm, I’m sorry for being selfish. I’m going to school tomorrow.」

「I’m glad, you got back on your feet, Futaba-chan. But Ryōichi-kun was a little angry, so if you want to apologize, it might be better to wait a little longer.」

「He’s still angry, doesn’t he? I said a lot of terrible things.」

「Yes, it may be counterproductive now, so let’s have a bit of a cooling off period.」

She tells such a thing to Futaba with a good-natured smile on her face, who has recovered with her friends by supporting each other, regardless of any housekeeper’s work. Futaba also believed her words and at first wanted to apologize properly, but she missed the timing, and so their lives continued to pass each other by, at some point the relationship was irrevocably broken, and the young man who was once a boy, or maybe still is a boy, left home at the same time he got a job.