Chapter 213 - I'm Sorry

"Is this how you truly see me?" he asked, his voice laced with hurt and his eyes sad. "I didn't want to keep it from you but you didn't tell me about it either. How could I easily ask if you were a celebrity when you tried so hard to hide it and live a normal life?"

Scarlet's jaw fell. Celebrity? So he did know!

"How much do you know about me? Don't hide it already. I-I just want to know the truth. Did you approach me because you already knew who I was? Is this what it is about? Is this why you've been nothing but nice to me?"

Logically, Edward knew that Scarlet's words were out of paranoia. She had crippling PTSD and depression. It didn't help that the girl he fell for was a very vulnerable and hurt person behind the cameras. Her accusations were not false. Although he wasn't sent by her father to spy on her, he was still a spy who was in cahoots with Elfie to keep her out of Anastasia's business. If only Scarlet waited for a few more months, he could come clean with everything. Life was such a bitch sometimes.

Her words still stung and cut deeply. Edward couldn't deny that he felt angry and betrayed by her outburst even though she had every right to. She didn't trust him and that was what hurt him the most. Even after all they've said and done together, she still couldn't trust him fully. Then again, he wouldn't trust himself either so he shouldn't be expecting that from her.

"Is that how you see me?" he asked before he could stop himself. "I'm very hurt, Scarlet. My feelings for you aren't a lie even if everything else was."

Scarlet held back her tears. Why did things have to turn out this way? She loved Edward too but there were simply too many secrets between them.

"I don't doubt your feelings for me. Never," she said. "I- for the longest time I'd always been afraid that you'd find out who I really was and you'll leave me."

Edward looked at her. "And now that you know that I already knew, does it change anything?"

Scarlet shook her head. "Do you really know everything?"

Edward sighed. "Scarlet Wilde, the second daughter of the Wilde Empire. If it wasn't for your sister's high profile in America, I would have never figured it out. Once I knew that you were Scarlet Wilde, figuring out the rest was easy. Liu Xiu Wen went on a hiatus after the Sweet Sixteen Gala's announcement. The news was all over it. I didn't know about your writing alter ego until recently when you told me about it. I didn't know that the journal you keep leaving everywhere was a plot diary. However, Elfie did tell me that Lin Lin and you often collaborated together on albums. I didn't have to ask to know who Lin Lin was. There is only one child music prodigy in the Special Class with that name. Once I knew who she was, finding out who she was producing for became easy. Alex, Jasper and you were once part of the popular teen band - Britannia. You continued a solo career after that. Did I get everything or is there something that I still don't know?"

Scarlet was in a state of shock. She thought that Edward would have figured out her acting and socialite personas but he even figured out the link between Britannia even if Elfie helped. There really wasn't anything more that Edward didn't know about. If he knew that she was a Wilde daughter, he would also know that she was the co-founder of Golden Frost.

"Still not convinced?" Edward asked. "Those four bodyguards loitering outside of my apartment every day without fail must be sent by that older sister of yours. I've never heard of an older Wilde daughter but I think she's not a true Wilde daughter. Your mother is Orita Wilde and I knew her when I saw her. Your father Wilmer Wilde is the CEO of the Wilde Enterprise who is currently working hard and according to Alex, both of you haven't seen him in years. I know enough, Scarlet. I was waiting for you to tell me."

"You... why?" Scarlet didn't know how to get the words out of her mouth. Currently, she was confused. Edward clearly knew everything but she was the only one who thought that she left him in the dark. Could it be that she was the one in the wrong this time? Was Edward really not a spy sent by anyone? What about all the suspicious things she knew about him? Edward even knew about the four bodyguards Claire sent. How?

"There are things that you don't want to tell me and that's alright with me. I'll pretend not to know. There are things that I can't tell you yet. Maybe not now, maybe not ever. Maybe one day you'll find out, maybe you won't. However, I cannot look the other way when you question my sincerity for you. If there was something you were dissatisfied about with me, you could have told me about it. We could have talked it out. There wasn't a need for this. We're in a relationship and while it feels like a bed of roses, it isn't. There will always be obstacles but we need to work together to overcome them. Bottling up everything and not telling me things won't make it better. Trying to come to your own conclusions and working it out by yourself without telling me anything isn't going to work. I'm more observant than you think I am, Scarlet. I notice the smallest things about you so I know when you're going through a rough patch. I admit, I've been busy lately and should have done this much earlier but I wasn't mad you went through my things. Just so you know, you can go through all of my things and I wouldn't even be mad. What hurt me the most was the lack of trust that I wouldn't tell you the truth you wanted. You didn't give me the chance to talk this out with you."

"It's as you've suspected," he said with a tired tone. "I know Elfie from way back and we're the kind of friends who bonded over life and death. I can't tell you my past but that should give you enough information about who I am. Scarlet, my job and my feelings for you are two separate matters just like your career and your personal life. There are too many things that make a relationship like ours fragile but I still want to make it work. I'm not sure about you. Can you still trust me now that you know? Does it change anything?"

Scarlet reached out to Edward and held his hand. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Edward. I-I have no excuses for what I did. It doesn't matter what I thought or how I felt, I was wrong. It changes a lot of things but I still want to make this work between us. I didn't like you as a Wilde daughter. I didn't like you as Liu Xiu Wen or Permanent Frost. I liked you as Edward Bayon, I liked you as myself. With you, I'm just Scarlet but there will be no doubt that my other lifestyle will come catching up with me and you will be implicated."

Edward clasped his other hand over hers. "Then we will let the future worry for itself when it comes. Feelings alone won't be strong enough to overcome adversities. Dedication will and I know I'm fully committed to you. Despite the risks, I still chose you because I believe that you're the only person who can stand beside me. I might not be able to show you every side of me but I will try my best to do what I can. There are some things that you shouldn't see or know about me because I don't want to put you at risk but if that day comes, I would like you to still remember me as the person you know right now."

"I don't understand," Scarlet blinked. Why did Edward say such scary things? She was able to confirm now that he lived in a dangerous world like Elfie but why did he have to sound like he was going to do something that would make her regret her current decision? Was he... afraid? Afraid that her feelings for him wouldn't be strong enough to keep their relationship alive when he fell like how she crumbled earlier.

"You will when the time comes. I pray that it doesn't but I'm not that lucky. Scarlet, it was chance that brought us together but whether or not we can make this work will depend on us. You and I are not ordinary people, I know. You're not a normal student studying philosophy and I'm not aiming to be a psychologist. You could easily graduate with a degree if you wanted and I already know everything they have to teach until a master's course. Yet here we are, pretending to be troubled over school reports. I know that there are demons chasing you and I have some of my own too. What I'm saying is that I'm not the nicest person to be around but I do my best to be my best with you. I hope that my fears of you looking at me with contempt one day wouldn't come true. Like you, I'm also afraid and even though I know it in my head, the things you do can still hurt me."

Scarlet nodded. "I'm sorry."

He smiled and pinched her cheek. "Don't be. I might be hurt but I'm not going to hate you. I just think that perhaps we need some time to cool down and be apart for a while. It would be best not to see or talk to each other for a bit until we get our thoughts and feelings back together. I love you, I still do. However, it's a little hard for me right now to look at you and not recall the hurtful things said."

Unable to do anything more, Scarlet agreed. She understood that he needed time and space to forgive her for what she did. Edward was kind, too kind and unbelievably good even though she had been so mean and unreasonable earlier because of her paranoia. She would never find another person this kind, accepting and understanding out there.

"Don't beat yourself up," Edward told her. "I'm still reachable by phone in the period that I'm gone and don't worry, I will just be at Elfie's. You can text him if you want updates. It'll just be about a week, no longer than a week."

Edward started to tidy his ransacked room and Scarlet helped in silence. She noticed how Edward was grabbing a bag and stuffing some clothes. "Will you be leaving now?" she asked sadly.

Edward chuckled and gave her a tight hug. "I can stay for dinner but I will leave after. Sorry, princess. Please miss me and think of me lots because I know I will be thinking of you while I collect myself. When I return let's make up by going on another date, shall we?"

Scarlet agreed and she counted down to the time until she heard the door click shut. After she waved goodbye to him, she couldn't help but let the tears finally fall.

What had she done?