Chapter 187 Journal [2]



A few months ago, I came to the realization that the memories I had inherited from Lucas cannot be trusted.

The memories implanted in my mind are false. They do not align with the events told to me by the people around me.

After this realization, I also began to notice that my memories had gaps and missing fragments, like an incomplete puzzle.

It is as if someone shattered a glass slab and tried to tape it back together by adding and removing certain shards.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that someone tampered with Lucas' mind during his childhood.

However, I don't know the identity of the person responsible for it. Neither do I know when did it happen.

The logical course of action for me was to make my way to Wolfshire, the capital city of the Western Continent.

Wolfshire is the seat of power for one of the four ruling families, the Morningstars, who oversee the Western Continent as its Overlords.

Once there, my next destination would be the Wolf's Den— it's the name of the Morningstar family mansion and Lucas' former residence.

However, there was a little problem in my otherwise perfect plan. You see, I couldn't simply say, "Sayonara!" and leave the Global City.

To exit this place, I need to have an academy-approved leave pass. 

To obtain a leave pass, I would have to formally request a leave, which, in turn, required me to have a valid reason for my absence.

And obviously I don't have any valid reasons now, do I?

I mean, after all, I couldn't just approach them and say, "Hey, I have reasons to believe that I have false memories planted in my head. Therefore, I wish to return home and investigate this matter!"

Rather than granting me permission for absence, they would likely call me insane

and send me to a mental asylum. 

Moreover, the authority to sanction leave passes lies with the Cadet Council.

My 'sister,' the Queen of the Cadet Council, would never grant me a leave.

While pondering over this problem, a brilliant idea came to my mind around a month and a half ago.

I thought about reading the journals that Lucas used to write during his childhood.

For now, my plan is to gather as much information as possible from Lucas' journals. 

Once we have our vacation after our semester exams and King's Tournament, I will head to Wolfshire to investigate what happened with Lucas.

However, despite the fact that I came up with this idea quite some time ago, I just couldn't muster the courage to open those journals.

For some inexplicable reason, I felt nervous—almost to the point where one might mistake it for fear.

But why? Why in the world was I nervous?!

Honestly, I couldn't understand it either. 

I just don't know. 

It was simply an unsettling feeling in my gut, warning me to not open those journals.

But after thinking about it for a while with a calm mind, I came to understand. 

It was just Lucas' body that was reacting to the traumatic experiences written in those pages.

You see, after transmigrating into this world, I not only inherited Lucas' body but also his memories and muscle memory.

Inheriting those memories made me feel as though I had personally lived through the events he had experienced.

At first, I struggled to understand my true identity. 

Was I Lucas whose past life was Noah, or was I Noah inside Lucas' body?

Yet, as time passed and I continued to exist in this world, I gradually started becoming Lucas Morningstar, and Noah Lambert began to fade away.

Now, when someone shouts "Lucas," I instinctively turn to face them as if it's the most natural thing for me to do.

I started referring to Reynold as 'my' father and Lucas' family as 'my' family.

Over time, 'I' became Lucas.

So it is only natural for me to feel uncomfortable about opening the journals that have the traumas that Lucas endured as a child trapped within them—traumas that 'I' experienced as a child.

But unfortunately, I have no other option.

Once our semester exams start, I will become too busy to read them. Now is my chance. 

After mustering my courage for several days, I have finally made the decision to open them today.

"Fuu~"

Letting out a deep sigh, I carefully place the three journals on the table before me. 

Each journal had a red leather cover with a clasp and a fingerprint lock embedded within.

The lock is designed in a manner that if anyone besides myself attempts to open it, the journals will self-destruct, going down in flames reducing to ashes.

Without hesitation, I placed my thumb on the fingerprint sensor embedded within the leather clasp of one of the diaries.

Ding—!

With a gentle chime, the clasp unlocked, and I quickly opened the journal, turning its pages to read the contents within. 

†

`March 23rd, 2712

9:30 PM

Dear Diary,

Today, I met a girl. She was beautiful. 

She came to our mansion with her father, who works for my father.

She seemed like a high-class commoner. I want to befriend her. I heard her mother passed away recently, so she doesn't talk much. I'll try my best to make her laugh.`

___

`November 28th, 2712

9:30 PM

Dear Diary,

Today was my birthday party. 

Actually, 'our' birthday party since Adel and I share the same birthday. He always pinch my cheeks whenever I call it my birthday alone.

I invited Amelia, and even though her father didn't want her to come at first, I convinced him.

We had a lot of fun. I really like spending time with her. She's started talking more compared to when we first met. Now she even laughs sometimes.

Anyway, my sister and mother gave me some nice presents, but my favorite was the watch my father gave me.

Yes, another is going to be added in my collection hehe~`

___

`February 13th, 2713

9:30 PM

Dear Diary,

I heard some classmates were bullying her, so I talked to my father and managed to have them all expelled. 

I also requested that they never gain admission into any reputable academy ever again.

I hate people like them... I simply can't hate anyone who bothers her!`

___

`October 17th, 2715

9:30 PM

Dear Diary,

Adel has been growing distant from me since yesterday.

I don't know what happened, but I don't like this feeling.

I asked my sister about it, but she merely advised me to give him some time.

On a completely unrelated note, I ranked first in my class yesterday. 

Also, I've been sneaking away to watch father's training sessions for the past few days. But he told me not to tell anyone... so let's keep it a secret! Hehe.`

___

`November 29th, 2717

12:01 PM

Dear Diary,

Today was my birthday… or technically yesterday. 

I awakened my mana core today, and I was revealed to have the ‹Gold› rank.

Father didn't say anything, but I could sense the disappointment in his eyes. 

Adel awakened the ‹Immortal› rank, and he's filled with joy. I… am happy for him but he didn't even talk to me the whole day today.

…I thought I would be the happiest person under the sun today... and yet, I wasn't...`

___

`November 12th, 2718

6:78 PM

Dear Diary,

Today was just like any other day.

My parents have been distant towards me, and it's been nearly a year since I awakened my mana core.

Father has begun training Adel. There are rumors that he will replace me as father's successor...

I... I don't want that...

Becoming father's heir and making him proud was the sole purpose of my existence! 

What am I supposed to do now?!

…Just what the hell am I supposed to do now?`

___

`March 31st, 2719

4:32 PM

I'm sick of it. Absolutely sick of it.

Amelia tried to talk to me again today. She's as persistent as ever...

But she won't understand.

No one will!

And those bastards, Adel and his gang, they've been bullying me for quite some time now.

Father turns a blind eye, even though I've complained about it countless times.

Sister and mother, as usual, won't listen to me either. For them I don't even exist anymore.

So it's best if I just keep to myself, or else they'll become targets too.`

___

`April 15th, 2719

9:44 PM

My heart is fucking hurting, and it won't stop! I've seen doctors and heart surgeons, but they just spout bullshit!

I don't give a damn if no one in my family doesn't talk to me anymore. 

They threw a damn banquet in Adel's honor because he aced his practical exams or some shit.

That stupid prick!

...By the way, I tried alcohol for the first time. Yeah, I know I'm only 14, but other noble kids do it too.

At first I only did it because I thought doing that would stop them from ignoring me, but I genuinely don't care anymore.

Oh, and guess what? 

I've decided to stop training. Why the hell should I give a shit about it when I'm not gonna succeed my father anyway?!`

___

`May 21st, 2719

7:57 PM

Fuck off, diary. Fuck off, world.`

___

`June 12th, 2719

6:43 PM

Seems like getting high is way more fun than I thought. I don't get why people have such a problem with drug users.

Because honestly, in my opinion, they're the ones living life on easy mode! Hahaha!

Oh, and today I bashed a glass bottle into the head of one of Adel's lackeys. Split it open like a damn watermelon!

And you know what they did? They suspended me for it. 

Fucking bastards. 

They did jack shit when I was being bullied, but the moment I fought back, they suspended me? Huh!`

___

†

Those were the first two journals, covering the initial 14 and a half years of Lucas' life.

Rubbing my forehead as I read through their contents, a deep sigh escaped my lips.

"Haaa!"

Some pages had tear stains on them, while others were torn from the forceful use of a pen.

I remember most of what's written here since I have memories of writing them, but there are some clear variations.

For example, as Amelia mentioned, it seems like we were indeed childhood friends. 

But I have no recollection of that or writing about her in these journals.

This confirms it. Someone truly manipulated Lucas' memories. Amelia was telling the truth, not that I ever doubted her.

Anyway, the story is unfolding more or less as I remembered.

Lucas was happy. Then his mana core awakened. People started bullying and avoiding him. He spiraled out of control.

So most likely, the next entries in the journals will detail how Lucas became the scum he was known to be in the novel.

With that in mind, I nodded and opened the next and last journals on the table.

"...Huh?!"

However, the moment I turned the very first page, my breathing fastened, and my eyes widened in surprise.

My heart slammed violently against my chest as I read the words written in the diary before me.

___

`Noah Lambert, I am well aware of your intentions.

Don't you dare investigate my past just yet!

You're not ready for it. You are not ready to understand anything yet!

So close this journal, set it on fire, and refrain from prying into my life for now. Your focus should be solely on getting stronger and nothing else!

Your time will come. I will grant you the answers you seek, but only when the time is right.

And right now, it's not the time.

Consider this your first and final warning.

~Lucas Morningstar.`

___