CH 42

Hisch smiled bashfully.

“It’s nothing spectacular, but I was hoping to show it to you when I had a field that was more or less complete. But I thought… it would be more accurate if I asked you questions while raising them.”

“…….”

“……What’s wrong, Liddell?”

I bit my lip when he asked.

So, these are for me. These were the results of the stories that I poured out to him, whether he believed them or not, hoping to make myself feel better.

At that time, there was no doubt in Hisch’s expression as he listened to my words, and I felt grateful that he just listened to my absurd story.

The man in front of me picked up the fragments of my self-satisfaction story and put them together alone.

The things that even I had forgotten and tried to bury, this man had cherished it and was giving them back to me.

I stood there in disbelief, staring at the space where that thought had materialized, unable to take it in.

What… should I do?

How should I handle this feeling of mine?

“…This one. It looks like a coffee bean.”

After a long moment of silence, I barely managed to say that as I fiddled with the plant that had been labeled a ‘black seed with stimulant effects’.

Hisch, who had been looking at me with a puzzled and worried expression on his face, nodded in agreement.

“…This is like corn. It’s yellow, and it has a lot of kernels…”

I muttered while touching the plant with a sign that read ‘Yellow Grain Therophyte.’ ‘Corn,’ murmured Hisch, as if he were following my words.

“You know what, Hisch…”

“Yes, Liddell.”

“I really… don’t know what to say.”

I tried to speak while feeling a complex mix of emotions, but above all, I felt like I had to convey this feeling.

“Thank you.”

“…….”

“It’s just… I’m really grateful. For everything.”

For thinking of me, for wanting to do something for me, for everything. Come to think of it, Hisch has always been like that.

I was troubled by the thought of whether I could truly return the feelings he gave me, feelings that I didn’t even consider or think about.

It made me both happy and… scared.

“Then just smile.”

“…….”

“Why do you look like that?”

With a playful but worried tone, Hisch leaned forward and looked at me with his black but sparkling eyes.

Without even realizing it, I blurted out impulsively when our eyes met.

“Do you think I… am giving these things back to you?”

“What things?”

“Just… things like these. That I hold you dear, that I really like you, your kindness. Things like that.”

My life up until now has been ordinary and unremarkable. But it’s an undeniable fact that it’s what made me who I am today.

Unlike here, in the world where I once lived, divorce between spouses was common and children had to stand on their own once they became adults. My parents wanted that for me too.

Even so, I have lived thinking that it’s not bad since they supported me until college. Some people suffer abuse or are born orphans. Compared to that, my environment wasn’t that bad.

However, I’ve never experienced unconditional love between parents and children, so I naturally thought that if I received something, I should give something similar in return.

So, I feel like I should give something to Hisch as well. 

I really cherish him and see him as someone I should take responsibility for and live with for the rest of my life.

Suddenly, I wonder if everything is really equal in his eyes. I worry that he might be disappointed and hurt by my lack of love. Even in the midst of my happiness, I keep worrying about it.

At my words, Hisch stood still and looked at me.

“I’m not doing this because I want something in return.”

“But still…”

“Really. I do it because I want to do it for you, not because I want to receive anything in return. I just want to see you happy…”

For what reason?

Part of me wanted to ask, but another part of me wanted to leave it at that.

It may be a bit selfish, but I didn’t want to question the reasons and just wanted to receive this man’s affectionate gaze forever.

Still leaning down to lock eyes with me, Hisch reached out with one hand to stroke my cheek.

“But if you still want to give me something in return, just say thank you like you are now.”

He said with a smile in his eyes, looking at me as if I were a very lovely existence.

“Just smile while you say it.”

As I felt the warmth on my cheek while looking into the man’s eyes, a lightning bolt of realization struck me.

Ah… I see now.

“Okay…”

Hisch, maybe this is what love feels like.

It was as if the question that had been lingering in the back of my mind since my argument with Miller had finally found its answer.

It was a feeling that had been swirling around in my heart in a vague and undefined way, but now it had taken on a clear form.

I’m always curious about what you’re doing when I’m not around. I want to do so much for you without expecting anything in return.

I don’t want to do things you hate, I want to cherish you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

But without the need to explain in detail this overflowing emotion that wells up inside me when I see you with these words.

Maybe it’s just…

It’s just because I love you.

“…Thank you.”

I barely managed to say that and laughed without even thinking of expressing my overflowing emotions in words.

Unlike when I talked about love to him with a light heart, I found it very strange that I couldn’t easily part my lips now.

‘What’s wrong? I heard someone crying and thought something terrible had happened.’

On a sunny spring day, surrounded by lush trees and flowers, someone’s voice suddenly descended from above his head as he sobbed.

Hisch looked up with tears in his eyes as he stood before a bed of withered flowers in a well-kept garden. 

At first, tears blurred his vision, making it difficult to see the other person clearly. Perhaps it was because the bright sun shining behind the woman’s back was creating a backlight.

Hisch blinked several times, and soon realized that the woman before him was the Princess of Catlan, one of the masters of the large mansion.

As Hisch hastily wiped his tears away with his sleeve, the woman of noble birth squatted down, not caring that her skirt was soiled, and pulled a handkerchief from her bosom and handed it to him.

‘T-There’s no need. Such a precious thing…’

‘I can’t think of a better use for this handkerchief than wiping a person’s tears.’

Looking back now, Liddell Catlan was a bit strange from the first time they met.

In a good way, one could say that she wasn’t very aristocratic. Or maybe she could be described as having no hesitation in approaching someone.

The woman with beige hair gave off a cold impression when expressionless, but her turquoise eyes, which held a sparkle in them, seemed to soften the chilly atmosphere.

In the end, Hisch couldn’t refuse the young lady’s kindness and accepted the handkerchief, pressing it against his eyes.

‘T-Thank you…’

‘It’s alright. Do you mind if I ask what happened? What were you crying about… It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.’

Her tone of voice as if it was nothing [1]  actually made Hisch feel better.

Perhaps no matter what Hisch said, the woman would just let it slide as a servant’s ramblings, or if he didn’t say anything, she would say something short and then turn around and disappear.

So the man stammered and opened his mouth.

‘The flowers… I was growing, died.’

Just hearing the story would make one wonder if it was something to cry about.

But today, Hisch was feeling down and ultimately felt frustrated that he had taken another life.

He wanted to prove to himself that he could take care of something, that he could nurture life.

As with everything, Hisch also had his failures, and when he did, he had to deal with emotions that were much heavier than the others.

Because it was always like that. He always ruined everything.

Hisch said that and bowed his head, expecting the young lady to burst into laughter soon.

Perhaps she would ridicule him about why a grown man like him would cry over something like that. Or he might be scolded. After all, he had failed to fulfill the duties of a gardener, which was no different from killing the flowers.

Sure enough, he could feel the other person who had been squatting close to him standing upright.

Would she think he was pathetic? Or that he wasted her time listening to his trivial story?

However, the voice that he heard contained none of those things.

“What’s your name?”

‘…I-I am Hisch Riot.’

‘Okay, Hisch. I want you to grow a big, colorful flower here.’

‘…Yes?’

As Hisch lifted his head at the sudden remark, Liddell, who had been looking at the dead flowers, turned her head and smiled.

The sun, half-blocked by her, stained her beige hair golden as it fluttered in the wind.

Caught up in the vitality that radiated from her, Hisch dazedly looked up at her.

‘I think these will become nutrients for bigger, more beautiful flowers. What do you think?’

‘Uh…’

When flowers wither and become fertilizer on the ground, new sprouts would naturally emerge.

The woman spoke softly, stating the obvious truth.