CH 25

The water clock sounded again.

Xue Yan knelt in front of the Buddha, bored stiff. For lack of anything better to do, he started reciting the military books he had read. The military books were full of methods of killing and full of bloodshed. Facing the Buddha who was compassionate towards all living things, Xue Yan did not avoid the gaze at all, chanting in his head boredly.

Behind him, a little acolyte faintly greeted someone. “Amitabha,[1] for what reason has this benefactor come so late at night?” Xue Yan heard him ask.

Xue Yan knew that this was definitely not someone from the Eastern Depot. The Eastern Depot’s men came and went without a trace. They paid special attention to concealing their tracks and would never let a young monk catch them in the act. 

Then he heard a cool and gentle voice, like snowmelt in a mountain stream. “I couldn’t sleep, so I came to pay a visit to Buddha,” he said. “You don’t need to take care of me, young monk, just go and rest.”

Jun Huailang?

Xue Yan’s back stiffened. He must be hallucinating, his mind went blank and he couldn’t wrap his mind around it.

…… What is he coming here for?

Behind him, the little acolyte conducted a Buddhist greeting for Jun Huailang, turned around, and left. Jun Huailang looked at his departing back and breathed a sigh of relief. He looked down at the cloak clasped awkwardly in his arms. Hidden under the cloak was a box of food.

He turned around after the acolyte left and looked into the hall. It was bright inside. In front of the niche stood a row of tall, flickering candles, reflecting off the Buddha statue with golden light. In the lofty and empty temple knelt Xue Yan. His back was straight, but surrounded by enormous Buddhas, he looked insignificant.

Jun Huailang crossed the threshold and walked in. He stopped by Xue Yan and lowered his head to look at him. It was also at this moment that Xue Yan lifted his head, and his eyes reflected the warm golden light. Perhaps the color of the lights was too warm, but Jun Huailang actually saw a trace of passionate emotion in those cold pale eyes.

“I came to give you something,” Jun Huailang said, and placed the cloak in front of Xue Yan.

Xue Yan didn’t reply. His eyes fell on the food box in Jun Huailang’s hand.

Jun Huailang cleared his throat in embarrassment and said, “These…… are all sent by my aunt. She asked me to tell you that you were wronged today, and she is very sorry.”

“All of them?” Xue Yan asked.

Jun Huailang had never been good at lying. He looked away and said vaguely, “Some of them.”

To inform Xue Yan to his face that Jun Huailang had specially packed and brought his own meal to give to him, Jun Huailang absolutely could not say that out loud.

But he heard Xue Yan laugh softly. “Are you stupid?” He asked.

“What?” Jun Huailang was taken aback.

Xue Yan looked up and gazed serenely at the big Buddha in front of him. He said calmly, “At that time, it was clear I lost your little sister. Why didn’t you blame me, and instead helped me?”

Jun Huailang was at a loss for words, he didn’t know how to respond. 

Because he didn’t even know himself. He loved his sister dearly and didn’t want her to suffer the slightest grievance. Furthermore, he didn’t want her involved with Xue Yan again. But at the same time, deep in his heart, he knew that the current Xue Yan was innocent and had been wronged.

And because of what he did, he also saw the truth he had missed in the previous life. There should never have been any discord between his sister and Xue Yan. A simple prank from the Second Prince and his group had caused all this. 

He looked down at Xue Yan. After thinking through these things, his heart was at peace. Even the hatred born from that book in the previous life had mostly faded. Now that the misunderstanding was resolved in this life, Xue Yan and Jun Linghuan could stop at a brother-sister relationship. The things in the previous life should not be pursued any longer either. Jun Huailang could put that thought to rest.

After concluding this, Jun Huailang seemed to have decided on something with Xue Yan. He said, “Because you said you would be Linghuan’s gege.[2] I didn’t believe that you’d break a promise you made.”

He bent down and put the food box on the ground, then shook open the cloak and draped it over Xue Yan. As Jun Huailang approached, a clear woody fragrance so faint Xue Yan could hardly smell it, lightly engulfed him. Xue Yan’s whole body froze as if he had been put in heavy shackles.

After a while, Xue Yan’s numb senses gradually returned. He hummed softly but clearly.

“In the future, I won’t be so careless again,” he stated carefully.

His voice was not loud, but Jun Huailang could hear the determination and promise inside. He couldn’t help but smile. He lifted the hem of his robe with one hand and knelt on the praying mat next to Xue Yan.

“I heard from Linghuan that you wanted to get a lantern for her?” Jun Huailang asked as he smoothly opened the food box. “What kind of lantern was it?”

Truthfully, Jun Linghuan had not told him this. It was what he had dreamed about. In the dream, he vaguely remembered that the lantern was so beautiful he couldn’t resist taking it to give to his sister. He wondered what kind of lantern it was.

But Xue Yan froze. He could never remember what was beautiful and what wasn’t, nor did he care. He only remembered that when Jun Linghuan looked at the lantern, her eyes looked very similar to Jun Huailang’s.

He glanced at Jun Huailang but didn’t speak. 

“Eh?” Jun Huailang met his pale eyes, oblivious.

He saw Xue Yan casually turn his eyes away and say, “I forgot.”

……. How long had it been, can he really just say he forgot?

Jun Huailang was flabbergasted. He watched as Xue Yan, still kneeling in front of the Buddha, very naturally reach out and take a pastry from the food box. He took a bite.

“Thank you.” Xue Yan looked at him. To his surprise, there was a faint smile in those impenetrable eyes. 

Jun Huailang had never seen Xue Yan’s smile in either of his two lifetimes. Although the man had a stunning appearance, he was cold and fierce. With this unexpected smile, even though his face was still cold, the ice in his eyes melted and his eyes lit up. It made people’s hearts skip a beat. Jun Huailang hurriedly turned away. 

As he reflexively raised his eyes, he met the compassionate eyes of the candlelit Buddha statue. Jun Huailang startled. With a rare look of panic on his face, he reached out and snatched the pastry from Xue Yan’s hand and put it back in the food box.

The greatest taboo in Buddhism was meat! Fuyi didn’t pay attention when preparing the food and there were non-vegetarian dishes in the box. The dim sum in Xue Yan’s hand was also stuffed with beef and mushroom.

He had been preoccupied by too many things today, how could he forget!

Jun Huailang quickly opened the food box, crammed the meat-tainted dishes in one layer, and hid them at the bottom of the box.

Xue Yan watched with amusement. This cold young man looked like an immortal and was rarely at a loss. He could tell at a glance that the little lord was accustomed to being waited on everyday and never did chores. He was clumsy and bewildered while tidying the food box, it was rather cute. He looked like a little mouse hiding food, placing all the meat-filled food at the very bottom as if the statue was really watching. 

The corners of Xue Yan’s lips curled up involuntarily.

Jun Huailang finished tidying up and didn’t forget to bow to the Buddha statue. He was not religious but he had always been respectful. He knew that on Buddhist grounds he should abide by their customs and not defile their aseptic doctrines carelessly.

“This disciple was careless and committed a fault. Asking the Buddha for forgiveness,” Jun Huailang apologized.

Xue Yan laughed softly and asked, “You still believe in him?”

Jun Huailang got up. He saw that Xue Yan was watching leisurely beside him. Although he was also kneeling, there was not a hint of respect. He looked comfortable and uninhibited.

“There’s nothing to hide,” Xue Yan smirked and glanced at the Buddha casually. “I was the one who ate meat in front of him. What’s eaten is eaten. If he wants to mete out punishment, he should punish me.”

He said this lightly, even teasingly, towards the Buddha in front of them.

Jun Huailang lowered his voice and hissed, “Watch your words.”

Xue Yan laughed.

“I’ve never been afraid of him,” he said. “If he really opened his eyes, he would’ve stopped me much earlier. I’ve killed so many people and committed so many sins. Compared to that, the crime of eating meat in front of him is nothing.”

Jun Huailang felt choked up in his heart hearing this. He thought that people with ill fates would pin their hopes on gods and buddhas. He never thought that if the suffering reached a certain level, they wouldn’t even believe in a higher power.

This was the numbness of one who had given up hope long ago.

Jun Huailang sternly said, “How can deaths on the battlefield be compared here? Besides, what sins have you committed? Don’t wear this label for no reason just because you were called an evil star a few times.”

Xue Yan’s stare intensified. At the same time, a feeling of amusement grew in his heart. He didn’t know where Jun Huailang’s conviction came from. The whole world said he was an evil star – even he himself was absolutely certain – but against all reason, this person didn’t believe it.

He still doesn’t know to be afraid?

Jun Huailang continued, “As long as you don’t indiscriminately kill innocent people in the future, the gods will not blame you.” 

Xue Yan couldn’t help glancing at Jun Huailang. What, such a courageous person still wanted to teach him to fear clay gods?

Although Jun Huailang said this, he just wanted Xue Yan to feel some respect so he wouldn’t speak such conceited nonsense on Buddhist grounds in the future. But when he met Xue Yan’s frank gaze, he was still embarrassed and his eyes wavered.

Then he heard Xue Yan ask,  “Saying these words, are you trying to manage me?”

Jun Huailang was speechless. He thought, of course. In the end, my whole family will be among all the innocents you massacre someday.

“Just take it as is,” Jun Huailang said.

Xue Yan’s lip curled unobtrusively. The feral wolf who was used to freedom, upon hearing that someone was going to put a collar around his neck, felt a yearning joy in his heart that could not be suppressed. He even had the urge to wag his tail.

It didn’t show on his face. Xue Yan lightly said, “In that case, you have to watch me.”

He raised his eyes and glanced at the Buddha statue again. 

Since he would like me to believe in you, there’s no reason not to give you some face.

Notes: