CH 18

The next day, I woke up with a sore, aching body.

My head hurts, my neck hurts, my waist hurts, my legs hurt. It felt like not a single spot on my body was intact. Even propping myself up on the bed felt like my entire body was crumbling.

Fuck, did I get beaten up last night?

What fuckers were they…fuck, where are my clothes?

When I realized my body under the blanket was stark naked, I instantly jolted awake.

Where is…this?

The bed looked familiar and the wall clock opposite the bed looked familiar, even the curtains next to the wall clock looked familiar. And the handwriting on the note placed on the bedside table…looked familiar.

…Why am I in the hotel where Shen Die is staying?

It felt like I was struck with lightning then with a hammer hammering away in my brain, stirring up bits and pieces of scattered memories.

I was gaming on my own last night but somehow ran to the university entrance, which led to the gay bar as I drank a glass of wine in a daze and…and then I saw Shen Die.

After squeezing out my memories like a tube of toothpaste, I could only gather that much. But I didn’t need to know more to guess what happened after that.

I slept with Shen Die.

Shivers ran down my back and I couldn’t help but shrink back into the blanket. The warmth in this nest also had a familiar scent. A faint male fragrance, as if a fuse, triggered an explosion of broken and confusing memories.

I vaguely remembered more of what happened. It seemed like…I was the one who initiated it.

Fuck! How can he not resist temptation at all!

Isn’t it enough to do it once? That bastard even…even…

I recalled the first time we met at the gay bar. He said with such conviction that all I needed to do was lie down there.

To hell with him and those words! I was on my back, kneeling, standing, all kinds of position, you name them! I really can’t trust a single word from that vixen!

I lifted the blanket angrily and tried to get out of bed, covering my nearly broken waist and grimaced as I put on my clothes. I cursed that guy a million times in my heart, before tilting my head over to look at the note by the bed.

It was two very simple lines. I’ll head to university first and ask for an absence leave for you. Rest well.

That guy isn’t here.

That’s right. It was the last day for him this morning. There will be a closing ceremony in the afternoon too. He had things to tend to, of course he wouldn’t stay.

I let out a sigh of relief at first before feeling empty for some reason.

What do I do now then?

After today, he will leave this city and maybe go back to his home abroad. Perhaps he might start working too. But in short, he would have nothing to do with me anymore after this.

I’ve only known him for a little over a week. Somehow, we had messily gotten tangled together. Yet, I could never figure out what his purpose was. And I didn’t know if he was serious about pursuing me too.

Since we’ve already slept together, I guess my debt has been written off too?

He seemed to have said something in bed last night, but I can’t remember them anymore. It’s likely to be some sweet words that aren’t true.

Well, it may not be a bad thing to forget it. Or else I’d fall into a dilemma again.

No matter what that guy says, whether intentional or unintentional, I always end up getting swayed so easily. It really is dangerous.

I’ve been a loser for more than a decade now, never been in a relationship with anyone. This might be the most rebellious one I have been in. But I still wasn’t sure if I could even call this a relationship. Even at the end, I didn’t have the courage to confirm it either.

I sat on the edge of the bed, unconsciously crumpling the note in my hand for a long time until a text notification alert rang from my phone and snapped me back to my senses.

I glanced at it from the corner of my eyes, realizing it was a bank notification text.

It reminded me of my train ticket departing this afternoon at 1:30pm.

I looked at the wall clock and it was already 11am.

I can’t afford to waste a ticket. I’ll have to hurry if I want to go back.

I deliberately chose not to allow myself to think about anything else as I rushed out of the hotel, took a taxi back to my dorm to grab my stuffs.

My luggage had been shipped back home two days ago, leaving only my laptop bag and a few odd stuffs behind. I packed them briefly and quickly left my room.

The dormitory area was very close to the university’s off-site entrance. I turned the other way and walked towards the front down as if I was possessed.

When I passed by the familiar building, I immediately regretted it and started cursing myself in my heart for deliberately looking for trouble. I quickened my steps and tried to leave.

Yet when I was almost at the entrance, a familiar voice called out from behind me. “Huh? Is that Xiao Xia?”

Shit! It’s my female senior!

I wasn’t sure why, but my heart jolted as if I was caught red-handed as a thief. I didn’t dare to turn around, only slipping out of the university without looking back. When I realized no one chased after me, I let out a sigh of relief and stopped.

Damn it, what am I so afraid of? I’m heading home only, right?

I forgot to charge my phone last night, only checking it when I got on the public bus. There’s only one battery bar left and will die anytime soon. I was thinking of switching it off to extend its lifespan but my phone rang all of a sudden.

It was a strange yet familiar phone number that flashed across the screen. I was so shocked that I dropped my phone under the seat.

The ringtone felt so ear-piercingly loud, yet it had to get stuck in the corner of all places. I didn’t know whether it was out of panic or urgency, I struggled to pick it up for a long time. When I finally did, the phone had stopped ringing.

I pressed on the buttons for a bit but there was no response. It shut down from running out of battery.

""

Fuck, I really felt like cursing.

While waiting for the train at the station, I tried to force restart my phone a dozen times but the device remained stubbornly dead with a black screen. Resisting the urge to smash it to pieces, I stuffed it into the bottom of my laptop bag. Out of sight, out of mind.

Throughout the long hours of waiting in the train, there were nothing I could entertain myself with. My heart became a jumbled, annoyed mess, unable to settle down even for a moment. I touched my bag all over before something fell out of the side pocket. A membership card of a certain ice cream store.

It was pink and even had a heart design.

It seems like I forgot to return it to him.

But then again, why should I care to do so? It’s not like he needs this amount of money back. I’ll treat it as prostitution money. I didn’t lose anything from sleeping with him.

Even though I clearly made a profit, but my heart didn’t feel any better at all. My nose was getting stuffy instead.

I thought to myself, why should I act so pretentiously as if I just lost my love? While thinking that, I directed my anger that was mixed with grief towards my phone and eventually fell asleep.

Maybe last night’s incident left too deep of an impression on my body, but I ended up having a dream about the hotel bed last night.

The sheets were a mess and it was all a blur in front of my eyes. I couldn’t see anything, except feel the man looming on top of me. His hands were clasped with mine, his voice a blurry mess right next to my ear. It was all disjointed stutters, but it seemed to carry a million weight. “Even if you forget when you get up tomorrow…it’s okay.”

Forget…forget what?

My eyes fluttered open then, still confused about that vague sentence in my dream. But then I realized my face was actually all wet.

A middle-aged old lady sat next to me on the train. She had a concerned expression as she looked at me, making me feel embarrassed to death. I quickly turned away to wipe my tears dry before looking back at her. She came closer and asked, “Young man, are you on summer break now?”

“…Yes.”

“Oh,” She flashed me an understanding look, “Feeling sad about separating from your girlfriend?”

“…Huh?”

She ignored how dumbfounded I looked then, thinking she had guessed right. “If you miss her, just give her a call. There’s nothing shameful about that.”

“I didn’t…my phone ran out of battery.” I felt too exhausted to explain anymore. Her words made me sadder for some reason too, so I decided to just go along with it.

“Then just give her a call when you are home. In the worst case, just invite her over for a short staycation. The summer break is quite a long one, you know?”

I laughed a little but did not reply.

What kind of joke is that? That guy wouldn’t possibly come. I might not even get to see him ever again too.

After chatting with the lady for half an hour, the train arrived at the station. I helped her unload her suitcases, said goodbye and carried my own bags off the platform.

I was in a hurry to get home so I didn’t have time to tell my childhood friend. My family went out on a trip few days ago too, so no one came to pick me up and I had to go back all alone.

The station exit was extremely crowded. I tried to peer over the crowd but moved with difficulty, getting stepped on by god knows who a few times throughout. Even when my shoelaces were loose, I couldn’t even crouch down to tie them back together. In the end, someone stepped on me again and I lost my balance, tilting to the side and crashed into someone’s chest.

I was about to apologize with my head still lowered, but suddenly I froze entirely.

A strong scent of tobacco invaded my nose with a hint of an almost too light to pick up fragrance. It was as if I was pinned down in that moment.

One hand tilted my chin upwards and I was forced to look up, meeting an expressionless face.

The crowd was still swarming around us, yet he stood right in front of me.

In this moment, my heart fluctuated between shock and awe. My brain stopped functioning as I subconsciously called out, “Shen…Shen Die…”

The hand wrapped around the back of my waist suddenly tightened. It was a really strong force, causing an unbearable pain to my waist like it was torture. I hissed, “It hurts, it hurts!”

He released his grip a little, but his voice was still as cold as ice. “You knew that it hurt, yet you still ran away?”

I didn’t dare to answer back but hearing him speak made my mood strangely better. Am I actually a masochist?

It wasn’t until he dragged me out of the crowd and into the open hallways that I finally realized how strange this is. “Why…How did you arrive earlier than me?”

He was still in the university when I left though??

His expression remained sullen a he said, “I came by plane.”

The airport is at the other end of the city, several thousand of miles from here. It would take at least an hour and a half to get here. So he probably came as soon as he got off the plane.

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My heart suddenly started to feel complicated now. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t find any words. In the end, I could only ask, “Where’s your luggage?”

“Didn’t bring any.”

“Did you book a hotel?”

“No.”

“…..”

What is this called? A spontaneous trip?

We both stood by the roadside in front of the train station waiting for a taxi. Throughout the entire time, he held my hand and never let go. I couldn’t break free from his hold either, so I had to go with him. After a while, I suddenly said, “I want to go home first, do you want to come along?”

He didn’t answer, raising a hand to stop a taxi instead. He opened the door to let me in before following in as well. Then, he nodded at me, “Address.”

Why does this man always act like everything should naturally go the way he wants it to?

Seeing that he was in a bad mood, I didn’t speak much and just gave the driver my address. Then I shrunk closer to the window seat like a scared chicken.

He sat really close to me, almost shoulder to shoulder. The scent from his body wafted over again but this is the first time I smelled such a strong scent of tobacco from him.

I couldn’t help but sneak a peek at the side of his face. His skin was translucent and bright, making that small, reddish scar under his upturned eyes even more obvious. His lips were also quite pale, looking a little dry too. There’s a very subtle layer of stubble on his chin and under that cold, beautiful exterior, he looked exhausted.

I felt a squeeze on my hand all of a sudden.

“What are you looking at?” He lowered his voice, “Do you want me to fuck you right here?”

The hell, this guy…I won’t stare anymore, I won’t, okay?

I led him upstairs when I got home. It was an old-fashion neighborhood without elevators, with the walls all plastered with random ad posters. He looked really out of place standing in a suit in this dark, old hallway. I felt somewhat nervous to unlock the door, bending over to the shoe cabinet to get him a pair of slippers.

No one was home so he stood in the living room and looked around a little before settling down at the couch. Then, he hooked a finger at me, “Come here.”

I walked over and was pulled right into his lap.

Without a single word, he pressed the back of my head and kissed me fiercely. He came off really strong, as if he was venting something and not giving me any room to breathe at all. The tip of his tongue stirred my insides, it felt so hot as if I got burned.

My lips felt like they were really chewed out as our saliva dripped down the corners of my mouth. My intermittent moans and groans were all blocked and swallowed away. After an unknown amount of time, I collapsed softly on top of him with my eyes half-closed. I mustered up my strength and hit him hard on his chest, only then he released me.

His eyes were so dark, appearing even more dangerous than when I just saw him at the train station. The hand that was pressing the back of my neck had more strength behind it now as he leaned in to rub the tip of his nose against my face. “Why did you run?”

I was panting lightly, not knowing how to answer for a while. Then I heard him continue, “If I had known, I should have tied you to the bed.”

I couldn’t help but shudder a little, feeling as if he wasn’t joking at all. I tried to defend myself in a whisper, “I bought my train ticket a long time ago…I didn’t want to waste it…”

The corner of his mouth hooked up in a mocking manner, “Who would believe you, little liar.”

Upset, I said, “I didn’t lie!”

“Really? Then should I call you a little goldfish instead? Forgetting what you said in the blink of an eye.”

I…What did I say?

Judging from how he’s acting, did I sign some kind of contract selling my body to him for a lifetime when I was drunk?”

“You can’t recall?” He said as he grinded against me with his lower body, “How about I help you recall your memories?”

I rolled off him like I was burned, “What are you doing?! Are you trying to take advantage of me again? I’m warning you, don’t you dare!”

“Taking advantage? I wonder who pestered me last night and insisted on sleeping with me? Yet, now you’re scared?”

I couldn’t lift my head up. It felt like my face was getting cooked from how hot it was burning up. After a long time, I finally squeezed out, “…Why must you chase after me? It’s not like you like me…”

He was silent for a few seconds at first before gritting his teeth together, “Xia Zhi, are you an idiot?”

I was stunned and couldn’t retort back as he continued, “Do you think I’m crazy? Why would I chase after someone all the way to their house if I didn’t like them?”