Chapter 372: Trust Fund

Chapter 372: Trust Fund

Usually, when someone dramatically leaps from a great height, they have a plan in mind. Or at least a parachute. If Flossie was hoping to be caught by a swooping dragon, she seemed to have got her timing a bit off.

The dragons, at least a dozen of them, were approaching the ship but were still a fair way off, skimming the tops of the fluffy white clouds. We were high in the frigid atmosphere, avoiding the storm raging below so it was easy to spot the flock of flying lizards and gauge the distance exactly too far.

I ran to the side of the ship and looked over to see what Flossies intentions were. A quick death?

She was falling like a sack of potatoes as she disappeared into the clouds beneath us. A sack of potatoes, of course, falls at the same rate as anything else. If you go to the top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa and drop objects of different weights, they hit the ground at the same time. Galileo proved that, but he might have revised his theory if hed seen the way a fat chick falls off a flying ship.

Was that intentional? I asked Dudley, who was peering over the rail beside me.

Um, well, I think so, probably.

He had faith in the love of his life, but then he would, the giant doofus. Right up to the point where she proved him wrong.

Fortunately for Flossie, we were over an ocean and water wouldnt necessarily kill her. It could it could smash her into pieces if she came down at the wrong angle, although you have to give mad props to a death by belly flop.

Flossie had the added advantage of a nice layer of subcutaneous fat to help protect her. If it worked for the mighty whale, it should do the same for the ginger bint. No, Im not implying Flossie was some blubbery behemoth, comparing a girl to a whale isnt always meant in a pejorative sense. Everyone loves whales (especially the Japanese).

The dragons were closing in (for what reason, I had no idea), and the storm was still raging on the other side of the cloud bank. If Flossie had some secondary dragon ability, like wings that grew out of her back, now was the time to deploy them.

There was no sign of her. Dudley didnt seem unduly worried, just the regular amount of concern etched into his furrowed brow about life in general.

Take us down, I shouted at Richina.

No, wait, said Dudley. Give her a chance.

Chance to do what? I was all for letting others take huge risks I was very good at bouncing back from other peoples failures and fatalities but there was no obvious route to success from diving into the sea for no reason.

Sometimes, said Dudley, the only way to force someone to prove their love for you is to give them a choice that has no middle ground.

What the fuck does that mean?

Worry not, said Laney as she jumped onto the railing. I shall save her from drowning. She stuck her sword into the top of the rail, the blade sinking a good inch into the wood. If I break my neck and am permanently bedridden, I want you to be the one to smother me with a pillow.

This was Laneys idea of a romantic notion. Assisted suicide by that special someone. I grabbed her by the ankle as she jumped and yanked her back onto the ship. Im not the strongest person in the world, but Laney, despite her wiry strength (drawn more from fury than muscle), was a lightweight who punched above her weight. She flew backwards onto the deck, landing in a clattering heap.

Stay there and dont move, I said, although I didnt expect to be obeyed. Richina, take us back into the storm.

Its always annoying when you manage to get out of something you dont want to do nice and early, only to be dragged back in at a later point when things are much worse. I could have just abandoned Flossie, but its hard to simply turn your back on people. Believe me, Ive had a lot of experience in that area.

I could also have just trusted Flossie and assumed she knew what she was doing. Which is even harder.

As the wings tilted and the ship headed down, Flossie rose out of the clouds on the neck of a dragon. She came up alongside us and waved.

Where did he come from? I shouted across to her.

Ah knew Vikchutni wouldnt let me go. He loves me too much.

That was her plan? To rely on one of the dragons to leave the strike force and come to her rescue, proving Galileo wrong in the process (although to be fair, that fucking show-off could use taking down a peg or two Spanish Inquisition had a point, for once)?

How did she lose control of the dragons in the first place? I asked Dudley. They cant have been that upset when she evolved into lizard form. Youd think they would have welcomed her into the club.

They were stolen from her, said Dudley.

Magic?

There was no way to be sure this would work, it might even be dangerous, but welcome to the world of progressive fantasy. Here we try stupid shit, and hope something magical happens.

There were already plenty of vines coming off Flossie, most of them going to the ship where Dudley was. There was a big one between her and Vikchutni, though. I decided a little grafting would make everything fine and dandy. I had no idea why cutting the vine had taken away their power of flight, and attaching them to Flossie and Vikchutni could mean they would all go down together, but YOLO!

It wasnt as tricky to do as some of my recent operations the one between Richina and her doll had been the most painful, and the shortest lasting. The vines from the dragons joined with the bond between Flossie and Vikchutni very easily, I only needed to touch them together.

Once Id connected all of them to Flossie, I returned to my body. Time restarted, and the dragons rose back up, wings flapping slowly. They looked a bit monged, but then they always looked like that.

Theyre back! Ahve got them back!

Flossie was elated, although who knew how long my jerry-rigged connections would last? It would do for now.

If my little grafting plan hadnt worked, then what? I would have found another, possible more brutal way. If I cant have you, Im going to make you want me. Which could mean losing a little weight, wearing something revealing and fluttering eyelids suggestively (I assume women have something similar they do), or it could mean putting a gun to someones head. These things can quickly get out of hand, luckily I didnt have to find out how far I was willing to go.

Now that the dragons were back under Flossies control, we were able to continue on our merry way. The sailors were petrified and not much use but would do as I said, Richina was a mindless automaton, Id forced the dragons back into Flossies hands and Wesley was locked down in my head. You might think I had trust issues, but I would say I was making sure I didnt. Some people lead through charisma and earned loyalty. I used alternative methods.

It took a couple of hours to get back above land. The clouds cleared and I could see Gorgoth in the distance. Either the Council couldnt create storms on land, or they had to use a different set of weather patterns to do it. Judging by how long it took before, they would need several hours to get something like that up and running.

It was only around midday, and the skies were clear, which meant it would be pretty difficult to get into the city unseen. A flying ship escorted by dragons wasnt the sort of thing you could sneak by people. I could have tried landing outside the city and taken another route in, but I didnt really see the point. The good thing about having a dragon armada was that even if they spotted you, what were they going to do about it?

I decided to favour speed over stealth and landed in the main city square outside the temple Richina brought us in very smoothly.

There was, as youd expect, some panic. Everyone ran away, which was great. Soldiers did come out of the temple as we touched down, but they were led by Joshaya in his Pope guise, dressed in papal splendour and smiling. He looked delighted to see us.

Youre here. I knew youd come in the end, I knew if I left you alone, youd make the right choice.

Hed ended up plumping for the same option all gods choose in the end: I give up, do what you want.

It starts with constant messages write this book, look after this garden, build this boat but none of these side quests ever lead anywhere. Then its all plagues and floods and passive-aggressive stone tablets. Finally, they leave behind a ghostwritten memoir that comes across as very bitter Before me, you were nothing! and then they wait for you to come begging to be taken back.

It was a bit tricky climbing down off a ship in the middle of a square, but Joshaya had jumped up onto the deck to greet us while the crew sorted something out in the way of a gangplank.

Yeah, great to be back, I said. Here was another person who was both enemy and ally, and useless company in either form.

Finally, said Richina, and leapt forward, arms stretched out, her hands like claws and killing intent in her eyes. I realised I wasnt the target, it was Joshaya next to me.

Stop! I tried to command her through sheer force of will, but it felt like I had her on a chain that was slipping through my hands. Actually, it felt like it was sliding up through my oesophagus.

Had this been the plan all along? To get Richina close enough to Joshaya to get the last of the old gods out of the way? If so, it was hardly going to work with me here to freeze her in her tracks.

I could stop time, but I wasnt the fastest draw in the west. Before I could react to Richinas attack, she was hit from multiple angles by dragon acid. She dissolved in seconds, not able to even cry out.

What did you do that for? I yelled at Flossie, who was sitting on Vikchutnis head. I needed her. Not words I thought Id ever say out loud.

Ah didnt, Flossie wailed at me. They did it themselves. They were trying to protect you. Her expression said she was as bewildered about why the dragons would want to do that as I was.

This was a disaster. If Richina died, she would go back to wherever her respawn point was, and I wouldnt be able to use her to break out the old gods. The dragons had formed some sort of attachment to me, probably because of my fiddling with their vines, and this was the result. This was why I hated it when people tried to help with their good ideas and equally valid opinions. Fucking useless idiots.

She isnt dead, said Wesley inside my head.

I fucking know that, I snapped.

No, I mean shes here, in front of me.

Oh. She had respawned inside the space in my head. I wasnt sure why, but maybe I could still release the gods. It did mean I now had another woman living in my brain, which was bound to cause me problems. If they turned on each other, it would be a nightmare. If they got on, it would be a nightmare. I tell you, I would be much happier with a man inside me. Wait, that came out wrong.